If the general decline of in-flight manners and decorum drives you crazy, this is the best place for aerial wish fulfillment: videos of people getting removed from airplanes.
There’s something about watching the long arm of the law reach up to pluck drunk, belligerent and/or violent passengers off of airplanes that makes us believe that — despite all the rude seat kickers, Knee Defenders, armrest hogs, and generally mean people in the air — there still is some measure of justice in the friendly skies. It’s the same kind of thrill you might get from watching “COPS,” if “COPS” took place on an airplane and the alleged criminals were always insufferable loudmouths whose sole mission in life is to delay our flight (speaking of which, “COPS: Airplane Patrol” would be America’s #1 show. Hollywood should get on that, like, yesterday).
YouTube has so many “people getting kicked off planes” videos it’s a surprise there isn’t an entire channel devoted to the genre. One could spend an entire afternoon reveling in the swift and certain administration of aerial justice. Here are some of our favorite “people getting kicked off planes” videos. Bad flyers, bad flyers — what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for YOU?
1.) “And IIIIIIIIII-ee-I will never stop singing…!”
This woman was removed from an American Airlines flight from L.A. to New York in 2013 because she would not stop singing “I Will Always Love You.” You know your singing is bad when you force down an airplane; the flight made an unscheduled landing in Kansas City just to deal with this Whitney Houston/Dolly Parton impersonator (it’s hard to tell which version of the song she was singing). That may seem like overkill. But listen to the woman’s singing; five straight hours of it would have you seriously considering spending the rest of the flight on the wing.
2.) “And I’m telling you… I’m not going.” Umm, yes you are.
There was no singing in this 2011 video of a woman aboard a Spirit Airlines flight out of Las Vegas, but it’s the same song as many of the other videos: belligerent passenger is asked calmly to get off the plane (according to the person who posted the video, the woman had been stumbling all around the cabin and yelling incoherent statements saying they were all on “the Jesus Plane”). Then, the police are called and the passenger is asked to leave again, calmly — and then not-so-calmly. That’s when things get physical. “Somebody help me!” the woman yells as the cops physically remove her. Hint: if you’re delaying people’s flight, don’t expect anyone to help you once the cops take you away. But you can expect a nice round of applause.
3.) If you’re gonna get taken off the plane, don’t forget your bags.
According to the poster, this Southwest passenger — who said he was a retired cop — made threatening remarks and then referenced having a gun. The video gets interesting once the cops come. The guy starts ordering the police around: telling them not to let the plane take off until he lodges complaints against two fellow passengers, and then chastising one cop, “Don’t be a hard-ass.” And then he turns the police into his own personal valet service, directing them to retrieve his bags from the overhead bin. The cops take it all in stride and the incident ends without physical contact. One cop even cracks a joke, to the delight of the passengers.