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By Brenda Della Casa
You’re a smart woman with a good head on your shoulders and you know better than to go down the romance road with a man who idolizes Hefner and is still obsessed with his bottle (service). But let’s face it; chemistry, attraction, hope and passion can make the most logical ladies go a little loco. Here, we list 25 signs it’s time to move past “Go” and fly solo.
1. He never uses your name. I once knew a guy who was sleeping with a woman and he, oops, forgot her name. She didn’t realize it because he was calling her “baby” all of the time. “Babe”, “Baby”, “Sweetheart”, “Beautiful” .. .these pet names are sweet when you’re in a relationship, but on text three? Not so much. Beware of men who look to create a false sense of intimacy in order to get what they want.
2. He’s inconsistent. When things are great, he’s talking about taking you to weddings or meeting his parents, but then Thursday night comes around and suddenly he doesn’t know what he wants. Best case scenario: He’s confused. Worst case: He’s trying to say just enough to keep you hopeful but wants you to feel OK when he disappears. Either way, you’re going to get hurt.
3. He claims to be exclusive but he’s still online. The current dating model tends to lend itself to the idea of entertaining more than one potential partner, but there’s a big difference between an honest guy looking to play the field and a dude who’s just looking play with your emotions. If he’s on Tinder, Match or any other dating site and there’s been no discussion of exclusivity, that’s fine. But if he’s telling you there’s no one else and he’s “just looking”, don’t be naive. He’s “just looking” for someone to take out tomorrow night.
4. He’s shady as Sh*t. Maybe his phone is always dying or perhaps you give him a compliment and hear him repeat it to another woman right in front of you (true story). It could be that he hides his phone or excuses himself to go to the bathroom when a text comes in oor he rushes you out of a bar without explanation. Whatever it is, pay attention to your gut, use common sense and don’t argue with your intuition. You’re a grown, intelligent woman, you know when someone is acting strange.
5. He has a “reputation”: Leave your James Dean/Johnny Depp fantasies with your 16-year-old-self. You might be the most incredible woman on the planet but don’t go into a situation with a game-player expecting to be the game-changer.
6. He talks about hurting other women: If he says he’s always failed women or has never met someone worthy of being monogamous with, run-for-your-life!
Related: 10 Tell-Tale Signs He’s Cheating
7. You catch him in a lie. He may have a dozen very good reasons for not telling you the truth, but how can you love – or even like – someone you cannot trust?
8. His friends are dismissive or overly-friendly. They’re either tired of putting in the effort for women they won’t see again or they are trying to help him bed you. Being friendly is one thing but bonds take time to build. Also, are his friends douchey? Birds of a feather, lovely.
9. You don’t meet his friends (and he doesn’t want to meet yours.) Not a red flag, a red fire truck. It doesn’t matter what he says or how nice he is, if he’s not opening up his world (and willing to become a part of yours) he’s not planning to stay around.
10. He makes blanket statements about women, and they’re not particulary nice. If your guy is claiming “all” women are gold diggers/tantrum throwers/cheaters/delusional or any other negative, understand that there will be a massive respect disconnect. You can’t possibly be the one woman who is different, no matter what he tells you.
11. He goes M.I.A. Men who are interested and serious about you are not going to leave you alone to meet someone new. Another concern? His consistent texting gets spotty at night and you don’t hear from him until late afternoon the next day.
12. He says he doesn’t care if you date other people. Again, this is fine if you’re both on the same page, but if you’ve developed stronger feelings, you need to understand the translation: I want to see other people to add you to my bed rotation.
13. He always asks you to split the check or you’re picking it up most of the time. Now, let me clarify: Fancy dinners are not our right as women and a man taking us on them doesn’t mean he’s anymore interested in us than ones who do not; he may just have more money or a corporate card. It’s also a fallacy that men should always have to pay for everything. That said, most will want to take you out here and there in the beginning of a courtship.
14. He never takes you on a “real” date: If your guy is meeting you at bars and blowing you up late night, you’re not dating. You’re meeting up. There’s a difference.
15. He flatters you to death from day one. He loves your clothes, your smile, your wit, your home, your eyes, your laugh. In fact, you’re just perfect in every way. Funny, he knows nothing about you. The point is to keep you so contented that you don’t notice any of the red flags your good sense is trying to point out.Well-deserved compliments should be well-received, but flattery used as manipulation? Not so much.
16. He has a goodie drawer. Extra toothbrushes? Check. Lube? Check. An enormous half-empty box of condoms? Oh, boy.
17. His “jokes” are rude. Whether it’s objectifying comments about your body parts, crass sexual references or swipes about your personality or intellect, demeaning comments that make you feel uncomfortable do not suddenly become respectful just because he laughs.
18. He’s on his phone all of the time (and secretive about it). Is your man texting mid-conversation or on his phone the second you excuse yourself to go to the restroom? It could be his buddy, Bill, sure. Or it could be that he’s sending one-liners to other ladies. If he’s secretive about it or you notice that you’re also getting quick texts and replies when he’s not around, put two and two together.
19. You really know nothing about him. Yes, you have a great time together, but how much do you really know about him? Sharing time is fun, but unless actual information is being exchanged, there’s no bond being built.
20. All of his friend’s girlfriends hate him and yours don’t like him much, either. Is he always complaining that his friend’s girlfriend’s don’t like him? There’s likely a reason.
21. Are your friends worried? Remember this: Love is blind and lust is ignorant. If objective eyes are screaming “yield!” slow down!
22. He won’t make future plans. Getting him to commit to anything that’s beyond 72 hours away will give him hives.
23. Things just don’t make sense. There’s a reason illogical comments and behavior leave us feeling we are embroiled in “drama” and “anxiety”; for the most part, we live in a logical world. When something doesn’t make sense it’s usually because there’s more to the story, or worse, the story isn’t true!
24. He’s in it for the ego boost. There are some men who seek the affections of women solely as a fix. He will enter your life and sweep you off of your feet and then have you convinced he’s been kidnapped by ninjas and taken to a remote location across the world. When you get fed up and and blow him off, he’ll wait for you to cool off and pop up again because he “just realized” that all he wants is you. Yawn.
25. You feel something is off. He’s great when you are together and talking, but when he’s not around, you’re feeling more anxiety than butterflies. Trust yourself!
In the end, you have to trust and protect yourself, and while this piece is written for the ladies, men can apply this, too.