What’s the ideal restaurant for a breakup?

·2 min read

Man, breaking up sucks, doesn’t it? I can’t imagine being in public while having to do it, either. The pizza restaurant I used to work at has an open kitchen, and the cooks can see out onto the dining room floor. Even though the tables are dimly lit, you can still see across the restaurant during service, and it’s clear when there’s tension between couples at dinner, whether it’s crossed arms or animated and frustrated gestures or people barely touching their food. Then your front-of-house coworkers come over to tell you what happened, and yep, it was usually a break-up. Oh, the drama! It was worst when it happened between regulars, because later one would inevitably take custody of their old stomping grounds, but then we’d get to see who they’d bring in as a first date later.

A recent Reddit thread posed the question, “Best Restaurant in Manhattan to Break-Up with Girlfriend?” The original post was removed by mods, but it lives on on Twitter; there’s screenshots of the post and oh boy, it’s a doozy. It reads like a creative writing exercise (the CIA and monkey costumes are involved, so you know it’s good). The screenshots are worth your time alone.

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Whether or not the post is true, some of the advice is solid. One Reddit commenter said, “My advice is to do it a private, quiet place. Don’t make other diners and restaurant staff deal with that awkwardness.” Then there were others who wondered why the original poster would want to spend money at a nice restaurant, knowing what was to come after the meal. One cheekily suggested a McDonald’s parking lot.

While I don’t think there’s a best place for a break-up meal, maybe you all have opinions on the matter. What kind of restaurant is your ideal type of break-up place? (That was depressing just typing it out.)