Humans of New York subject who wants his girlfriend to lose weight stirs controversy

Maggie Parker
Photo: Facebook/Humans of New York
Photo: Facebook/Humans of New York

Well, this is weird: A recent Humans of New York post is receiving very negative reactions.

The account, known for its moving, inspiring, or, at the very least, entertaining profiles of New Yorkers, shared the story of a guy who wants his significant other to lose weight. And people are upset.

Last Thursday, a photo of a guy’s crossed legs was posted on the HONY Facebook page. He appears to be sitting on a park bench, and his face is cropped out of the photo. And when you read the controversial caption, it’s clear why the image is presented in this unconventional manner.

“At first I told myself I could get past it. I said, ‘Let’s just see how it goes,’” the caption begins. “We had excellent dates. Everything else about her was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to ruin something good for that one little reason. But it’s been 1.5 years. And I feel horrible, but I just can’t get past it.” Oh gosh. This sounds really bad. Even worse than we thought. “And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. I can’t bring myself to tell her. We’re going to couple’s therapy next week, but I still don’t think I’ll be able to say it.”

So what is this man holding back? He continued to ask, “Is there any right way to ask someone to lose weight for you?”

The reactions are overwhelmingly negative, with someone on Twitter even calling the subject “a terrible human being.”

“No. You are the one with the problem, not her. Do her a favor and end it,” one HONY follower wrote. “The easiest weight she can lose is to drop your sorry dead weight ass,” said another. “You’re wearing cargo pants. You can’t say anything about anyone else’s appearance if you’re wearing CARGO PANTS,” one commenter pointed out, to which another follower responded, “She is going to recognize those pants and those socks. She probably washes them. He is soooo busted.”

With society already favoring women who are thin and far too many average-size women feeling dangerously insecure about their bodies, followers are fuming over this man who seems to be fanning the flames.

“You obviously need to move on and let her be loved by someone that does not need her to change.” Someone else said, “Here’s the thing: you are entitled to your preferences and if you aren’t attracted to overweight women, there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is that you’ve now led her on for a year and a half and wasted her time ‘trying to get past it,’ and since you can’t, you want her to change for you. You should have never started dating her if you knew it was an issue for you from the beginning.”

Some commenters know what it’s like to be in this woman’s shoes. “I’ve been the woman in this situation. You’re an ass bro. The problem is you clearly are attracted/like her regardless of weight. You have social hang ups about it. Don’t ruin her life because you can’t be a real man,” one woman wrote.

Of course, the post sparked a major debate as to whether it’s about attraction or health, and if it is about attraction, whether it’s OK to want to be more attracted to your partner.

For every person attacking this man, there is someone defending him. “So much hate here. … He’s grappling with the fact he’s not physically attracted to someone he deeply cares about. He’s not some raging, misogynistic douche bag. He’s a real person, telling someone something he feels very conflicted about. Now isn’t the time to insult him. Instead, it’s time to gain insight to how other people think and feel. In other words, empathy,” one person insisted. “If you think she shouldn’t have to lose weight to please him aesthetically — then say so. He’s asking for your advice, not your validation to hurt his girlfriend, which is obviously the last thing he wants to do. So stop attacking him for dealing with the way he feels in a really reasonable and self-reflective way,” suggested another.

Others are simply offering their honest advice.

What do you think of this guy’s concern?

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