'House of the Dragon' Episode 5 Better Find Some Dragons, Now
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Readers of Fire & Blood, the novel that House of the Dragon is based on, may recall that everything that's happened over these past five episodes so far has only covered around 30 pages of George R.R. Martin's massive historical tome on the history of Westeros. As exciting and shocking as House of the Dragon has been so far, we were promised "Succession with dragons"—not endless matchmaking. And still, there have only been a couple of transition scenes with dragons since the Crabfeeder was killed in Episode Three. What gives?
Instead, we're back on our Bachelorette-like journey for the hand of Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen. It's Episode Five and our three hopeful suitors—Prince Daemon, Ser Criston Cole, and Laenor Velaryon—are agitated and restless. Despite being her uncle, Daemon is still a frontrunner even though, you know, he's already married. Remember Rhea Royce? Daemon's estranged wife, whom he slandered by calling her a "bronze bitch" in front of the king's council back in Episode One? Well, we finally meet her for the first time in Episode Five. It turns out that she is both cool and beautiful. Riding her horse in the Vale, a hooded Daemon appears before her, like Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars right before he kills all the younglings. Bad vibes.
Rhea rightfully hates Daemon for being a monster of a man, and immediately pulling out the receipts. "Have you, at last, come to consummate our marriage?" she zings. "The Vale’s sheep might be willing, even if I’m not." Ouch! When the Bachelorette producers reveal that you already have a girlfriend and she comes on the show just to shit-talk you, that's never a good sign. Lady Rhea continues to chide a silent Daemon for being "cast aside in the favor of a little girl"—when she realizes that her husband is actually here to kill her. Daemon scares the horse, Rhea takes a brutal fall to the ground, and she's crushed by the large animal. He performs the coup de grâce with a giant rock, though the kill happens off-screen. Viewers may recall that the same thing occurred with the Crabfeeder. HBO must secretly want viewers to like this guy if they won't show us his murders in HD.
Meanwhile, Ser Criston Cole is with Princess Rhaenyra on a boat to Driftmark. She's traveling with her father, King Viserys, to propose marriage to Corlys' son, Laenor Velaryon. Viserys is violently seasick throughout the journey—coughing, vomiting, sore from the countless lesions covering his body. In an interview earlier this week, actor Paddy Considine said that the king is actually suffering from leprosy, which would explain all the nasty things happening to him. Again, they presumably could have just flown here on the backs of their dragons, but I digress.
Arriving at Driftmark, no one is waiting to greet the king. Sad. Corlys' daughter, Laena Velaryon, welcomes everyone inside, and her recasting makes it seem like she's an entirely different person than the 12-year-old who was once offered to Viserys for marriage. Sure, it's technically been at least four to six years since we've last seen her, but the fact that Rhaenyra and Alicent have yet to switch actresses may confuse audiences at home. The switch even had me Googling if Corlys had two daughters named Laena. He named his two kids Laena and Laenor, so I honestly did not put the possibility past him.
Corlys ends up accepting the King's proposal after his little show of power, and Rhaenyra and Leanor are planned to be wed. Their children will ascend the throne after Rhaenyra, but will still bear the Targaryen name when they come to power. A fair compromise! Rhaenyra is a little hesitant about the pairing, but it turns out that it's an open secret that Laenor prefers sleeping with men. This works perfectly for both of them. The two will fulfill their duties to the kingdom as man and wife, but will have an open relationship. Laenor can spend time with his squires and paramours, while Princess Rhaenyra continues to boink her trusty knight.
Speaking of, Ser Criston monologues about his hopeless dream of running away with Rhaenyra. He wants to leave the kingdom behind and sail to the East, where they will be free to love each other without scandal. Rhaenyra finds the gesture romantic, but ultimately her duty is to her kingdom. She tells Ser Criston not to despair, because he can remain at her side (and in her bed!), thanks to the new arrangement with Laenor. The knight rightfully declines to be her "whore," as he puts it, expressing regret for breaking his oath as a member of the king’s guard.
Meanwhile, back in King's Landing, Queen Alicent is dealing with the fact that Viserys just fired her father as the Hand of the King. Otto warns his daughter that if his grandson is not named heir to the throne, Rhaenyra will someday stop at nothing to kill them so that she can become Queen. "The time is coming, Alicent," he tells her. "Either you prepare Aegon to rule, or you cling to Rhaenyra and pray for her mercy." It's entirely his fault that his daughter is in this position, however, which is a real shame. Has Game of Thrones ever had a good father? Someone make sure George is OK.
Spending some time in the garden, Alicent is visited by Larys Strong, a member of the king's court who walks with a cane due to his clubfoot. He's also the son of Lionel Strong, the former Master of Laws and newly appointed Hand of the King. Larys skulks around the garden. He's a clear shit-stirrer, with the look of Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings—the creepy man who whispers evils into the king of Rohan's ears. The Queen quickly realizes that he's a wealth of information, however, revealing that the Maester brought Rhaenyra a "potion" the same night her maidenhood was brought into question. Alicent calls Ser Criston to her chambers to ask if he saw Daemon that night, but she's surprised to find that Criston confesses instead. King's Landing's greatest secret just fell right into her lap.
Jumping ahead to the night of the pre-wedding feast, Prince Daemon arrives despite his banishment. No one knows that the man just killed his wife, and they think that just some tragic riding accident has happened. Some of the Royces are suspicious, since Daemon is supposed to inherit some land following her death. King Viserys begins to give a big ol' speech, and Queen Alicent makes her grand entrance right in the middle of it all. She's wearing a green dress, the color of House Hightower, instead of the traditional Targaryen red and black. A statement piece, if Westeros has ever seen one.
After a bit of dancing, Daemon flirts with Laena Velaryon, which is probably why casting aged her up before anyone else. A massive brawl breaks out of nowhere (?!), and Ser Criston Cole murders Laenor’s loverly paramour. He allegedly took offense to his ribbing that they were both side pieces, so he decided to take his anger out... on his face. Ser Harwin Strong, the Lord of Harrenhal and Lyonel's firstborn son, tries to break up the melee. Nicknamed "Breakbones," Harwin is a very strong man, pushing his way through to rescue the princess from the hullabaloo.
Ser Criston later goes out to the Weirwood tree in the garden to put a knife in his belly and end his life out of embarrassment (?!?!?!). He's stopped by Queen Alicent, who knows how useful it could be to have the scorned knight under her thumb. Then, immediately after Rhaenyra and a teary-eyed Laenor are wed, King Viserys suffers from a nosebleed and collapses on the floor. Is he finally dead? A nosebleed was definitely not one of the many ways I predicted the king could die, but here we are!
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