Cool, the ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Is Worth Bonkers Amounts of Money

Remember, back in 2009, when your routine consisted of wondering if you should get side bangs, "poking" your friends on Facebook, and watching Jersey Shore? Yeah, well, now everyone on that show is filthy rich and frankly GOOD FOR THEM! Of course, like any reality TV stars, the cast of Jersey Shore learned early on that the path to wealth and success isn't paved with tanning lotion and monokinis exclusively, so they've all been hustling since their glory days on MTV.

Like, somehow Pauly D has managed to pull off an actual career as a DJ? Not to mention he's starred in a veritable cornucopia of spin-off shows, and become an ambassador for SummerSlam. Meanwhile, Snooki has written literally a million books—although not sure they impacted her net worth since they didn’t sell very well. Vinny is currently starring in a show called Double Shot at Love with Pauly D, and JWoww's busy being an influencer with over 7 million followers. And um, our bud Mr. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is still coming down from pleading guilty to tax evasion…which yeah...had a not-so-great impact on his overall net worth. But even Mike is out here making money thanks to a podcast, a merch line, and some workout supplements.

In other words, pretty much everyone on the Jersey Shore is getting richer by the day, and the time has come for Cosmo's elite team of accountants (AKA me and my iPhone calculator) to round up and report the net worth of every Jersey Shore cast member. Prepare to feel an incredible combination of amazed, baffled, and jealous.