The President isn't mad that Kim Jong Un called him "old" anymore. He's hanging out with his new friends and he's not even thinking about Kim Jong Un at all. He's totally over it. Everything is great for him now, thanks for asking.
Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 12, 2017
President Trump concluded his whirlwind Asian trip with a stop in the Philippines where he attended the Association of Southeast Asian Nations summit and gave a warm, gentle high-five to Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte.
Many had hoped he would uphold the United States' firm stance on Duterte's reported thousands of extrajudicial killings and other human rights violations. But of course he did not. According to the New York Times, Trump praised the "great relationship" he has with Duterte. He later laughed during a press conference when Duterte called journalists "spies" and ordered them out of the room.
All in all, everything is going great for Donald J. Trump, friend of freedom. You wouldn't know if from his face, however.
During a photo call for Southeast Asian world leaders, Trump looked more miserable than usual, which is odd because he's standing next to his new best friend, Roberto Duterte.
Why the long face? Perhaps it was the complicated hand-shake pose. Perhaps the President is one of those people who gets really uncomfortable when someone tries to veer off from his traditional awkward, bone-crushing hand squeeze-and-yank.
Please do not try to dab the President; it will cause and international incident.
Look how terrible this is:
The best part of this is the man on the right who is positively aghast. That man is all of us. Of course, he then goes in for a shake-slap-yank-pat of his own, so there's no accounting for taste.
This crossed-arm hand-holding seems to have really confounded Trump, however.
Not feeling it:
This is the face of a man who would rather hold a live jellyfish than do whatever it is he's about to do. Perhaps he's thinking, "How do I squeeze and yank both hands at the same time? Should I have stretched first? This is the day I truly become President."
Having a blast:
Here Trump is giving you the full GOB Bluth. He's trapped in a hand sandwich.
"How will everyone know how powerful I am?" he thinks. But wait! He suddenly has a brilliant idea. He'll communicate his dominance not with his hands but with his face!
This is that kid who is mad he didn't get to wear his Iron Man mask for picture day and is going to take that class photographer down a peg. Is this pouting? Is this smiling? Did he think someone said, "Now do a wacky one?" Does he think he's mean-mugging? Is this the cover of the MAGA Mixtape? Is Trump about to release a cypher in response to Eminem's BET Awards diss?
Call me Shania Twain, cuz this doesn't impress me much.
Seconds later, he tries a different tactic: teeth.
Why does your president look like the Mr. Yuk sticker?
To be fair, if you put this face on all the dangerous chemicals in your house, you kids would definitely stay away. They'd also be scarred for life, though, so weigh your options.
What is the meaning of this ghoulish grimace? Did Duterte sneeze into his hand just before grabbing Trump's hand? Is Trump trying to give you 2015 Miley Cyrus right now? Doesn't he realize that 2015 Miley Cyrus can't come to the phone right now?
Also, while we're on the subject: what is this abomination?!
Every day we move further from God's light.
Christina Aguilera! What are you doing? How are you supposed to give us 15 minutes of melisma per song if you're going around licking the buttons from The Voice. You don't know where Blake Shelton's hands have been, Christina. You don't have to do this. You gave us "Fighter;" you're a legend. Put your tongue back in your mouth.
Everyone put your tongue back in your mouth. We gotta shut this thing down. We got the President of the United States holding hands with an accused human rights abuser and posing like a member of KISS. Why? And also, could you just not?
Meanwhile, outside of the summit, citizens of the Philippines, staged huge protests against Trump.
So, to summarize: people whose president is Rodrigo Duterte, are like "We gotta get this Trump guy out of here." Sounds about right.
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
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