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I Hate How Good Tom Brady's Expensive Smoothie Recipe Is

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ONE OF MY highlights, of which there are few, as a Cincinnati Bengals fan goes back to their 2013 home game against the Tom-Brady-led New England Patriots.

With less than two minutes to play, the Bengals up 13 to 6, Brady steps onto the field and the sky opens up, unleashing a torrential downpour over Paul Brown Stadium. Brady, squinting his squinty squint through the wall of rain and an exceptional-that-day Bengals defense, tosses a wobbly pass, presumably to Aaron Dobson, and the Bengals' Adam "Pacman" Jones nabs the interception, delivering Brady his first loss of the season.

I've never liked Tom Brady as a player (he's just too good), but I can respect his fierce sense of determination. Unless the Forces of Nature intervene, he is consistently focused, resolute, and merciless.

Photo credit: Men's Health
Photo credit: Men's Health

With anyone who excels in their field, there's a curiosity as to how the hell they do it. Especially Brady, who is now 44 years old and continuing to play prime football.

With Brady, specifically, there's a fascination as to how he does the most mundane of things—what he eats before a game, how he lifts heavy things, and (at least according to potential internet search volume) how he makes his smoothies.

Luckily for us commoners, Brady has opened up about this day-to-day in recent years, perhaps to help promote his personal TB12 brand. And as part of that initiative, Brady has hared with the world what goes into his daily smoothie.

So I bought the bags and boxes of ingredients. I ran the nutritional numbers. And, despite the orange-and-black Bengals fan that I am, I even drank the smoothie itself.

Here's everything you need to know about what goes into Tom Brady's smoothie.

What Ingredients Are in Tom Brady's Smoothie?

Okay, prepare yourself.

Photo credit: Paul Kita
Photo credit: Paul Kita

1/2 cup almond milk
1/2 cup hemp milk
1 tsp hemp seeds
1 tsp chia seeds
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
1 Tbsp almond butter
2 Tbsp TB12 protein powder
1 cup frozen blueberries
1/2 cup frozen banana

Yes, it's a little more complex than your traditional protein-powder-milk-peanut-butter smoothie, but this it TOM BRADY we're talking about here.

I tallied my receipts and if you were to go out and buy all these ingredients straight up, it would cost you $86.72. Hemp hearts—at least the large-format bag I could only find—aren't cheap and Tom charges $40 a tub for his TB12 plant-based protein powder.

That said, you can't put a price on greatness?

Is Tom Brady's Smoothie Healthy?

It's solid.

Photo credit: Paul Kita
Photo credit: Paul Kita

According to my numbers, Tom Brady inhales 664 calories, 40g protein, 54g carbs (13g fiber), and 36g fat, when he downs one of these.

While your body has a protein intake threshold, and Brady sails over it (sort of like that 2013 pass intended for Dobson, right?), at least he's hitting the baseline.

Also, 13 grams of fiber is no joke. Ten grams is what you want to hit at mealtime to help fill you up).

Mix in some heart-healthy fats from the almond butter and walnuts and this isn't just a muscle-building smoothie—it's a liquified powerhouse of preventative nutrition.

Now, some people may argue that chia and hemp are special in that they deliver omega fatty acids, the kind found in oily fish like salmon and known to drastically reduce your risk of cardiovascular disease.

Like anyone who will tell you that the Cincinnati Bengals will have any record better than .500 this 2021-22 season, don't believe the hype.

Chia and hemp contain omega fatty acids, but they're the ALA kind, not the DHA kind studies have shown may promote heart health.

Does Tom Brady's Smoothie Taste Good?

Actually—and surprisingly—yes.

Photo credit: Paul Kita
Photo credit: Paul Kita

You wouldn't think that a smoothie based in two tasteless "milks," some weird seeds, and some basic fruits, would taste great, but Brady, like many a two-minute drills, pulls it off.

Now, granted, I did not purchase Tom's TB12 plant-based protein powder and instead used a similar pea-based protein powder I already had on hand. (I could not justify giving Brady any more money, sorry.) But it worked.

Except that I did notice something was off—something that I realized could instantly make it taste so much better—and something that Brady overlooked for obvious reasons.

Photo credit: Paul Kita
Photo credit: Paul Kita

I swapped out my glass.

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