Grief and trauma counselor says at the core of the coronavirus pandemic is fear

The coronavirus pandemic has left many of us anxious about life and death issues, stressed about finances and struggling to manage our many emotions. For some, the loss of jobs, connection with friends and family, and feelings of hopelessness can be overwhelming. Others are experiencing the death of loved ones within and outside of this pandemic. Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a grief and trauma counselor and a research professor at Arizona State University, helps us understand the difference between grief, trauma and fear. She says, “At the core of this pandemic is fear. It’s fear of a lot of things.” She stresses the importance of being sensitive in the words we use because there are people whose loved ones will die during this pandemic.

Video Transcript

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JOANNE CACCIATORE: My name is Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, and I'm a specialist in trauma and grief as a research professor at Arizona State University.

Grief is used as a word that's an umbrella for a lot of different emotions that we feel in response to the death of a loved one. And it's also important to remember that there are people right now whose loved ones are dying within the pandemic and outside the pandemic, and those are really the ones who are grieving. And I think that's very important to distinguish.

So I think that it's important for us as a society to be sensitive to the needs of people who are both grieving within and outside the pandemic, who have lost someone they love very, very much to death. Trauma is usually something that happens to us, or that we witness, that feels out of our control.

There are many, many things that can incite trauma in a person, in a family, in a society. So I think it all comes back to fear for both grief and trauma. When you have a situation like the pandemic now, a lot of people certainly have at least a low grade fear about the economy, about jobs. Then there's the fear of the unknown, like are my family members going to be OK? I have elderly parents. Are they going to be OK?

But then in some people, it can rise to a level of feeling like vicarious trauma. The images, all of the constant talk about the pandemic in the news and social media, you can't really get away from it. And so people can experience that either directly as traumatic or through vicarious trauma.

One of the characteristics of trauma is this feeling of helplessness. And of course, we're all cordoned off in our home, and so we're all feeling rather helpless. And so I say, what you can control, control. And what you can't control, work with those emotions around it.

So I'm feeling a lot of fear. And I know I have to go to the grocery store, so I'm going to glove up and I'm going to mask up. And I'm going to go to the grocery store, but while I'm there, I'm also going to pick up a few things for my neighbor. And that's one thing that I can do that both helps me work with my own emotions, but also helps me reach out into the space between myself and the other person in an act of compassion and kindness.

At the core of this pandemic is fear. It's fear of a lot of things. And certainly, there are going to be losses along the way. There may be the loss of a livelihood. There may be, you know, the loss of time with people we love. It's very different from someone who never gets to see their child again.

This is a sensitivity that I'm hoping that we can pay attention to as we go forward in the words that we choose. Because there are some people whose loved ones will die during this pandemic, who will not ever get to see their loved one again.

To cope with fear, I mean, I think one of the best things that I say to people is it's like having a heavy backpack on a trail. You carry the backpack for a while, but then you have to put it down and rest, too. Talk about it. Talk about your fears. Connect with your friends. There's something about seeing someone's face that's really powerful, but also find other things to talk about, too. Put the backpack down sometimes.

If we're feeling fear, feel the fear. Give the fear some space. Get a journal. Write a journal. You can pass this on to your children and grandchildren or your friends' children and grandchildren. Write about it, express it, and then let it move. But we don't have to pretend we're not fearful. This is really a good time to be teaching children about emotions and how to cope with their emotions.