When I got sick, it took everything from me. I couldn’t go to school or spend time with friends and I could hardly go to the restroom by myself. I could hardly keep any food down, and it seemed almost impossible to get out of bed some days.
I lost myself, who I am.
The athlete
The painter
The nerd
The joker
The hopeless romantic
The animal lover
I stopped having wild adventures with my friends and instead I just slept. When I did wake up, I didn’t have the energy to do anything, so I went back to sleep. I had nothing else so I adopted the “sick girl” role. It was all I talked about because it controlled my entire life. It wasn’t until just recently I began to discover who I am again. I had to ask myself what was ME and what was me. I started to do what I loved in the way I’m able.
Related: Why 'Acceptance' Isn't Always the Final Step of Grieving Your Illness
I can’t run, but I can swim a little. I can still paint, but now I use acrylics or watercolor because the cleanup takes less time and I can do it from bed. I can still read and study, but I use audio books because it takes less energy. I can still date and hang out with friends, they just have to come to me and stay in bed if I need. I can still go out, I just need a mobility aid to get around.
All this plus physical therapy and going to school (with frequent breaks), and I got my life back. I’m still sick, but I’m not just a sick girl anymore. I can now confidently say that I am not ME and ME is not me.
Read more stories like this on The Mighty:
No One Prepares You for the Grief of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
How Trying to Seem 'Normal' Can Make Chronic Illness More Invisible
How I Changed My Relationship With My Mobility Aids
