“Tonight isn’t just the Sunday scaries, it’s the summer Sunday scaries,” Hannah Berner declared to a raucous crowd at the Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center in the Hamptons last night. The venue, located near the home she shares with her husband, Des Bishop, is just a short distance from where the comedian, podcaster, and digital creator first hit TV screens on the Bravo reality show Summer House. Since going off-air, Berner has fully rebranded as a stand-up fixture, touring the country with her special brand of millennial and Gen Z humor that touches on everything from romancing zaddies to “emotional support water bottles” and queefing in bed.
For the special event, Berner documented her getting-ready process exclusively for ELLE.com, which kicked off at her house, where hair and makeup artist Nikki Brenton gave her a tousled beach wave and middle part. (“I’m so happy middle parts are in, since I have a weird cowlick that makes me look like Donald Trump if I wear it to the side,” she joked.) Berner chose to wear a ruffled halter top and a pair of wide-leg white pants—which she ironed herself, thank you very much—paired with white slingbacks adorned with little bows.
Next, it was off to her stand-up show, which she dubbed “Coachella for girls with anxiety.” Below, see Berner’s full getting-ready diary.
Most of the time, I’m getting ready in a hotel bathroom with fluorescent lighting, but today, I’m a lucky girl *play TikTok song by Carlina* who can get ready at my house in Westhampton, because I have a local show in town tonight!
If we’re being honest with each other, this shot was staged for safety purposes. Do not try this at home, because you will get electrocuted. I did however want to put my legs in the hot tub before the show—why the hell not??? Nikki Brenton came over to do my hair. Due to humidity in the summer, it’s always safe to go with a relaxed beach wave and middle part. I’m so happy middle parts are in, since I have a weird cowlick that makes me look like Donald Trump if I wear it to the side. Sorry to get political.
It’s giving Kendall Jenner trying to pretend she knows how to cut a cucumber. I normally ask my husband to iron, because he’s a feminist icon who loves ironing. Full disclosure: I rarely buy anything linen because it crinkles the second I buy it, and I can’t deal with the administrative work that comes with bringing an iron on the road.
We made it to the venue! This is the green room that’s actually called the Susan Lucci room because she has performed there and I think she lives in Westhampton, but don’t quote me. Fun fact: most green rooms are not green, so use that at your next boring party conversation. Before shows, I like to write down the order of my jokes that I am going to tell—it helps get my mind organized and visualize the performance. I’m about to talk for the next hour straight, and I probably haven’t shut up all day long, so this is a nice moment for me to be calm with my thoughts. Sometimes, I will do this on the toilet if there are too many people chatting in the green room. It’s a glamorous life.
Quick tech check before doors open. I’m with my bestie and opener for a lot of my shows, Tracey Carnazzo, and my featured comedian John Campanelli, who texted me last-minute that he was in town, so I threw him on. This is when you say, “Testing one, two, three,” or you can get creative and say something controversial. Sometimes, I will pretend I’m on American Idol, and no one likes that. We also check the lighting to make sure the audience is lit enough so I can see them and do crowd work, but not too bright that it feels like we are in a seminar.
Just me being silly in the green room! I don’t like to be too serious before shows—if you take this job too seriously, you will have problems.
Me in action, probably raising awareness about how there is not enough queefing representation in movies.
I’m a hugger.
After the show, there was a back room for friends and family to come say hi. It was a great mix of people we play volleyball with in Westhampton Beach and relatives who live on Long Island and haven’t seen me perform in a while. I hope they still like me after what they witnessed onstage!
My husband and I are fostering a dog named Abby from the Southampton Animal Shelter, and we brought her out at the end of the show. We started fostering during COVID, and now whenever we are in town for a couple weeks, we like to foster one of the amazing dogs. If I wasn’t on the road all the time, I would start a dog sanctuary and adopt them all. (My husband would not be happy.)
We did it! I had to do a thot squat in front of the venue because it’s my entire personality. Comedy can be lonely on the road, so I’m lucky to have cool friends in the business to perform with me. I’m on tour the next couple months all over the U.S., so check out hannahberner.com to see if I’m coming to a city near you!
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