3 Foolproof Valentine's Day Outfits for Every Kind of Date

First things first, let's all agree that Valentine's Day is, at this point, a sad celebration of America's consumerist culture cheffed up by some corporate stiffs over a century ago to, like, sell a shit ton of chocolates. That being said, if you're the dude casting aspersions on the authenticity of the day when all your sweetheart really wanted was a few flowers and some well-deserved recognition, you're just being a dick, my guy. Valentine's Day is about prioritizing your significant other's wants over your own by taking the time to acknowledge how important that person is to you, and if your outfit is the first thing you're thinking of you're already off to a bad start.

Psych! What're you, crazy? Like any other widely celebrated public spectacle played out via carefully crafted images on the 'gram, Valentine's Day represents yet another opportunity to stunt. Pull up to the venue of your choice (even if it's just your apartment door, takeout in hand) in the freshest fucking fit around and remind your boo why he/she tolerates all of your weird-ass idiosyncrasies in the first place. (It sure as hell ain't because of your sparkling personality.) And for God's sake, please don't wear those asymmetrical drop-crotch trousers to that birthday party next weekend. Your partner puts up with enough.