Is It Ever Okay...To Touch All the Tomatoes at the Farmers’ Market?

Welcome to “Is It Ever Okay,” Bon Appétit’s questionable etiquette column. Have a question? Email staff.bonappetit@gmail.com.

Can I use the same toothpick for a second sample? —Snackish Sam
You may not. Second samples are not a thing; this isn’t Costco. When the toothpicks are out, stabbed in peach slices, you get one (of each variety, OKAY). That’s the law. And when it comes to piles of snap peas and other loosies, you can try ONE to determine if they’re sweet yet. Don’t you dare leave the snap pea sleeping bag in that pile, though! (And, sorry! No samples for doggos.)

I was taught to peel back a corn husk a few inches to check that it’s not rotten. Cool, right? —Corny Casey
UNCOOL. This is unnecessary and illogical and an invasion of corn privacy. Leaving a half-naked reject cob in a pile is a deterrent for future customers, not to mention the fact that you’ve left the kernels exposed to air, causing them to dry out. Feel up the corn through the husk if you want a sense of how plump the kernels are, and check the wispy hair to see that it’s golden and brown, not brittle and black. Then buy an extra insurance cob anyway.

So can I touch every tomato until I find the right one? —Picky Patrice
What are you gonna do, marry it? All tomatoes deserve our love and warm embrace. People who demand perfect produce are what got us the abomination that is the Red Delicious. Welcome ugliness into your life, and you’ll discover true happiness—just ask my clogs. (And if you do end up with one that has a bruise, compost that smidge or make sauce.)

SNACK BREAK!

Speaking of tomatoes, this tomato, prosciutto, and fig salad is a summery take on melon and prosciutto—and guess what’s at the farmers’ market right now? TOMATOES. Stock up. Don’t spend too much time looking for the emoji-replica red ones, though, deal?

Tomatoes with Fig and Prosciutto

Banned from the Farmers’ Market Until Further Notice:

• Really big dogs

• Double and triple-wide strollers

• Bluetooth phone calls while examining peaches

• Bills over $20

• Haggling

• Asking if there’s “better looking stuff in the truck”

• Counting change too closely

• Impatience

• Steven (you know who you are)

How do you ask whether the produce is organic without sounding like a jerk? —All-Natural Noah
Come on, when a farm is organic, they splatter their signage with the word as if it were...pesticide. Which they definitely don’t use.

Do I need to carry change? I’m a millennial! —Rich Renée
Yes. The world doesn’t owe you a Square reader. This is why I carry a folded-up emergency $20 in my sleek Everlane credit card case. And if your total is under $5, consider buying more apples to bring back to your coworkers.

If you’re undecided, is it all right to put the cauliflower back on display after it’s been in your bag? —Self-conscious Sonia
Yes, but place it gently back on the pile, put some other cauliflower on top, lean in, and whisper, “Shhhhhhh,” so the other shoppers will have something to wonder about for the rest of their lives.

Can I stick stuff in my tote before I’ve paid for it so I don’t have to use the plastic bags? —Sustainable Stewart
Ugh, Stewart. This is very confusing/stressful to the farmers, so why don’t you acquire some eco-cool mesh PurifYou reusable produce bags ($16 for a set of 9 on amazon.com) and use those instead? After you pay, you can pile them in your stained L.L. Bean tote. That way, you can avoid your fear of apples rolling all over the place at the weigh scale without appearing to be shoplifting. You could also use the plastic bags, then reuse them next week, and the week after that, and the week after that. I twist them up into plastic pretzels for easy grab-and-go transport. Let’s all try to do our best.

How do I walk away from a stand without buying anything? I feel bad. —Catholic Guilt Carryn
Look at your phone and gasp audibly, drop the overpriced bunch of scallions you were holding, then rush away with purpose and concern.

Is there anything that’s (gulp) actually better to buy at the grocery store? —Hesitant Herbert
Cat litter, bananas, and diet ginger ale!!!

That’s all for now, but if you have petty etiquette questions or recipe requests for me, email staff.bonappetit@gmail.com and be too specific. I want the juicy details!

Love, Alex

The painting up top is: La marchande de fruits et legumes, 1630, (The greengrocer) by Louise Moillon.

Originally Appeared on Bon Appétit