I Donated My Eggs 7 Times — Here's What I Wish I'd Known Upfront
If you're thinking about donating your eggs, I get it. Depending on where you live and what program you use, you can make over $10K per donation cycle, which is a lot of money to a lot of people.
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I myself have done it seven times — the maximum amount of times a single person can — so I've gained a fair bit of insight into the process, and wanted to share it with those who might be considering donating their eggs.
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Here are some things to know about egg donation:
1.You're looking at about a month-and-a-half long time commitment.
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That doesn't seem like all that much, but it can be a lot. You'll have to go into the donation agency's office quite a few times, particularly in the last week or so of your cycle, so they can do ultrasounds and monitor the size of your ovaries. (In the eight days leading up to my final retrieval, I had to go six times.)
If you live near the office, it's not so bad, but I was always commuting from various neighborhoods in Brooklyn to the Upper East Side, then back to Brooklyn for work (so overall, about 2-2 1/2 hours total for each appointment). Because I didn't want to miss work, I went as early as I possibly could.
2.Your physical and mental health will be screened.
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This involves a physical examination (including gynecological), urine and blood tests, genetic screening, psychological screening, and collection of your family medical history (which I recommend having ready before you even apply, in case it takes a while to track down).
There are certain donor qualifications that will be screened for during the application process, but according to Egg Bank America, some of the musts are:
• At least 21 years old, and no older than early 30s (the exact maximum age varies from agency to agency)
• No tobacco or drug use
• Have both ovaries
• Have a BMI between 19-29
• No family history of inheritable genetic disorders
3.You'll have to inject yourself with the hormones they give you.
Because the timing has to be just right, chances are you'll be taking the fertility hormones at home (or wherever you spend your evenings). Unless you have a partner, friend, or roommate who's willing to do this, you'll need to get comfortable giving yourself injections.
You'll also need to keep close track of how much of each medication and how many needles you have, because you won't be given enough for the full duration all at once. I highly recommend using a spreadsheet or using a calendar to mark down all this info, so if you're about to run out, you can ask for more.
4.You'll be provided with all the necessary supplies.
The cost of the hormones and syringes won't fall to you — the clinic will provide them to you before you start your injections and replenish them as needed.
5.You have to hold off on exercising.
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If you're like me, this will not be a problem for you. You have to refrain from strenuous activities like running, jumping jacks, biking, even dancing — basically, anything that will make you work up a sweat — once you start taking the fertility hormones until about two weeks after your retrieval procedure. (So between a month and a month-and-a-half overall.)
So why no exercise? Exercising can lead to ovarian torsion, which occurs when the ovary twists itself onto the surrounding tissue, cutting off the blood supply and leading to tissue death if untreated.
It's uncommon, but the odds of it happening increase when you're on hormones because your ovaries increase in size. Even then the odds are still fairly low, but why pass up an iron-clad excuse not to exercise?
6.Your sex life might be affected.
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When it comes to donating eggs, sex counts as a form of exercise (at least to an extent).
Depending on who you prefer to have sex with and how you prefer to have sex with them, having sex during the donor process could result in you getting pregnant. The hormones you take in the lead-up to extraction make you extra fertile, so you could not only get pregnant, but you might even end up getting pregnant with twins or triplets.
You can still partake in certain sexual activities, such as oral or manual sex — just make sure they're not too acrobatic or strenuous; otherwise, again, you run the risk of ovarian torsion.
7.You can't drink or do recreational drugs.
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I know I'm starting to sound like Randy in Scream, but this is yet another big no-no. My birthday actually fell right in the middle of my final donation cycle, which meant I couldn't have any alcohol at my party that year. (Fortunately, my friends know me well enough to know there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell I was pregnant, and no one bothered asking why I wasn't drinking.)
There might be some prescription drugs you won't be able to take during the donation cycle (including cannabis), but if that's the case, you'll be ruled out during the screening process.
8.You can start doing all these things again once your period starts back up.
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As annoying as menstruating is, once your period resumes post-retrieval, take it as a sign that you can resume the the above vices.
9.You'll need an adult to pick you up once your retrieval is over.
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The retrieval is an outpatient procedure, so you'll be in and out of the hospital the same day. Because you'll be put under for the surgery, though, you might still be a bit out of it, so I recommend asking someone who can accompany you all the way home and maybe stay with you for at least a few hours.
10.You'll experience anything from mild to significant discomfort for at least a day or two following the retrieval.
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For most people (myself included), recovery feels pretty similar to a bad period.
11.There's a chance you'll eventually be contacted by one or more of the resulting children.
One of the biggest things the donor agency stressed to me was anonymity. None of the people who received my eggs would know my identity, and I wouldn't know theirs. However unethical that might be, that's the way it was.
Then at-home DNA testing came along.
It was 2011 when I went through my first donation cycle, and 2016 when I went through my last. According to MIT Technology Review, "2017 was the year consumer DNA testing blew up."
Thanks to companies like Ancestry, 23andMe, and MyHeritage, all it takes is one quick swab, and your genetic info is out there for anyone — including any genetic offspring — to see. And even if you don't use Ancestry yourself, if anyone in your family does, it won't be a huge leap to connect the dots.
In fact, egg and sperm donors are already being contacted by the children resulting from their donations. Run a quick Google search for "Ancestry DNA egg/sperm donor" and you'll find thousands of articles about donors and donor children being connected through the site and those like it. Sometimes, these people get a happy ending; other times, not so much.
12.You'll need to think long and hard about whether this is something you'll be comfortable with.
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I still have yet to be contacted by any of my genetic offspring or their families, but again, it feels like it's just a matter of time. Take some time to consider how you'd feel if this happened, because, as I said before, there's a fair chance it will.
13.Your family may find out that you've donated, even if you don't tell them.
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Three years after my final donation, I got an irate text from my mother, who'd just been informed by one of my cousins (the family Ancestry authority) that I had a "daughter" living in the Bronx.
Up until then, I'd only told one or two family members that I'd donated my eggs, and had asked them to keep it to themselves (which they did). But I knew that, between Ancestry and the fact that I'd donated so many times, it was just a matter of time before it came out.
Still, I figured I had at least a few more years before any of these kids started popping up on any of these DNA sites. The one my cousin came across would have been seven years old or so at the time, and it simply didn't occur to me that a literal child would be on one of these sites.
14.Regardless of anonymity now basically being moot, you still might not be told anything by the donation agency about how the egg recipients fared.
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The clinic I used told me from the beginning that, in addition to the anonymity thing, I wouldn't be given any updates post-retrieval. Even after my final cycle, when I asked if they could tell me how many kids had been produced from my eggs, the most they would say, more or less, was, "There's a reason we let you donate so many times."
But it turns out that isn't everyone's experience. While doing some research for this post, I came across a 2015 BuzzFeed article by another donor, Katie O'Reilly, who'd reached out to their agency several months after their retrieval.
"I sent the agency an email, desperate to find out how everybody was faring," the donor writes. "Within three terse lines, I learned that 'my' birth mother had become pregnant with triplets, but had miscarried two of them."
Considering my own experience, I was pretty shocked that she'd received this much detail. It gave me new insight into Cornell's policy, which I'm grateful for in retrospect. Even though I know there would have been nothing I could have done differently, finding out that my egg recipients had gone through a miscarriage or stillbirth would have made me terribly sad for them.
If this information is something that's important to you, I recommend asking the clinic right off the bat what their policy is about sharing information.
15.On that note, not all donation agencies are the same.
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Seriously, it seems like O'Reilly (the author of the aforementioned first-person account) and I had two pretty different experiences. I was never referred to as a "donor angel" or "godsend" (two epithets that would've made me uncomfortable, to be frank).
I'd also done some of my own research about the potential risks of egg donation prior to applying, and while Cornell laid out all this information for me as well, it doesn't sound like every agency does this.
16.Once your eggs are out, you'll be paid no matter what happens after.
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As far as the agency is concerned, you've done your part, so even if something goes wrong with the IVF procedure, you'll still get your check.
Depending on the agency, if something goes wrong prior to retrieval, you might be given partial compensation. (This is more likely the further along in the process you are.)
17.How much money you make per cycle depends on the clinic.
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I donated in New York City and made $8K each time, but nowadays, the program I went through offers $12K per cycle (something I try not to think about too much). Some other clinics in NYC, however, currently offer $10K, while others offer $8K.
The number also varies by state. A program in Minnesota, for example, offers $6K per cycle. Meanwhile, a clinic in Arizona offers $5K per cycle.
18.Your eggs will be taxed.
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By the time I donated for the first time, I'd only ever done my own taxes once. (My grandfather, who'd worked for H&R Block, handled them for me until I graduated college.)
I didn't really understand how taxes work, so I was extremely surprised to find that I owed a decent chunk of change for 2011. I finally figured out that it was because I was paid for my eggs via a 1099.
So! If you decide to donate, make sure to set aside a good chunk of what you make for the following year. If I could go back, I'd also have just hired someone to do my taxes for every year that I donated, because frankly, every year I have to include income from anything other than a W2 is kind of overwhelming.
19.You can donate up to six (or possibly seven) times.
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Per the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, there are currently no "clearly documented long-term risks associated with oocyte donation... However, because of the possible cumulative risks to and future needs of an individual donor...it may be reasonable and prudent to limit the number of stimulated cycles for a given oocyte donor to no more than six."
The one caveat to this is if someone who previously received one of your eggs wants to have another baby who's genetically related to the kid (or kids) that resulted from your previous donation.
If this happens, the donation agency will reach out to you to find out if you're interested in doing another cycle.
20.If you're interested in donating, start with a cursory Google search.
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That'll give you an idea of what clinics and programs are available near you. Once you've found some, do some research on the clinics. There are also a number of Facebook groups for egg donors where you might be able to ask for specifics about the clinics.
