Divorced mom with 8-month-old confesses she hates being a parent: ‘I just want a break’
A divorced woman without a support system confessed that she “hates being a mom,” and other parents say it’s OK for her to feel that way.
The mom, known only as SalaMandi92, shared her feelings on the subreddit r/Parenting:
“My daughter is 8 months old. I was conned into marrying her father, and he got me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave him. We are in the process of a divorce, but if it doesn’t look good for his image, he doesn’t give two s**** about her. He sees her once a week for an hour.
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“I am truly a single parent. I have no support system. His family was so apologetic about his behavior, and begged me not to keep her from them. They have met her once and have made no effort since then. My parents live relatively close (walking distance) but only see her for a few minutes at a time when it’s convenient.
“If I ask them to watch her, it’s this whole ordeal about how they have so much to do and it’s such an inconvenience. And if they do agree to watch her it’s for a max of 2 hours and has to be at their house. And when I pick her up my mom reminds me about what a trouble it was to watch my daughter.
“I am with my daughter 24/7. I work from home. I am lucky enough to be able to afford child care for 15 hours a week but outside of that I’m juggling my career and trying to be a decent mom. I just want a f****** break. Sometimes when I’m driving, I don’t want to go home. I just want to keep on driving.
“I hate when people say I have an easy baby. Yeah, she is generally happy, that is true. But she still doesn’t sleep through the night. She still cries every 3-4 hours and/or wakes up at 2 in the morning and is ready to party for a couple hours. All while still working 50-60 hours a week.
“I hate when people say they are a single parent, but they co-parent, and/or have parents, grandparents, siblings and friends who help.
“I hate when people assume that because I’m divorced my (ex)husband is still around. No — my daughter was an insurance policy to him. When it didn’t work, he bailed. He only sees her to keep tabs on me.
“I hate when people assume my parents help because they live so close. My parents can go weeks without even checking in and rarely answer their phone. My mom is an ex drug addict and completely controls my dad’s every action. He can’t come see me or my daughter alone so it’s all up to my narcissist mother.
“I f****** hate being a mom because as much as I love my little girl, being so utterly alone and unsupported is exhausting. I just want a break.”
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‘ It’s OK to feel this way. It’s OK to want help and want a break.’
Redditor parents responded to the struggling mom, offering her support and helpful suggestions.
“My advice to you, look for local child care assistance programs. They are generally income-based but it helps a ton. Find a local mom group and try to go to a meet up. I know your baby is still young. The playgroup I went to with my kids was for the kids to play — but also for the moms to talk to other adults! This might be less popular but seek counseling. Counselors are also a good source of info for local programs that can help, while also being there to support your emotional and mental health. YOU MATTER TOO MAMA!” one user commented.
They went on to add, “It’s OK to feel this way. It’s OK to want help and want a break. I still have times like that and my kids are much easier [n]ow. I can’t say it’ll be easy, but you will get through this. Stay strong Mama.”
Another Redditor weighed in, “Honey, I wish I had better advice for you, but it sounds like you do need a break, and you absolutely do deserve it! Being a mom is so hard, even when you do have help. My situation sounds similar to yours. My kids are teens now, but when they’re small, it is a whole different ball game. Can you perhaps ask a friend of yours for some help with the baby? Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings? Certainly, they would have some resources to help you. I wish you the best of luck sweetie.”
One user advised, “Try to concentrate on the positive feelings. Time flies, and soon your baby [will be] a little girl… Try to comfort yourself, enjoy the time, feel good about yourself, because you do a hell of a job. It’s okay to feel tired and exhausted, but you got to keep going, you have to stay strong.”
Another parent commented, “My heart breaks for you, I feel for you so much. Please know that, yes this is horrendously hard, and it feels like it won’t ever end, but it does get better. You are doing the best you can. I hate that people can do this to someone else, but we are just monkeys in shoes. Don’t compare yourself to others though, that way madness lies.”
If you’re a single parent in need of help, The Life of a Single Mom has put together a national resource guide that can connect you to helpful organizations — because no parent should struggle alone!
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