Hello all. A few weeks ago I came across this tweet that sent me into a tizzy:
I've had the sneaking suspicion fashion has been in the bad place for the past couple of months now, particularly when I came across a neon swimsuit section at Target this past summer. But now, I fear we are entering into a full-frontal 2000s fashion flashback nightmare. And I'm not the only one seeing it...
To understand what the hell is going on in brick-and-mortar retail these days, I headed to my two local, slightly degrading, and decrepit malls to see for myself. And, well, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was mortified.
So, without further ado, gird your loins, and let's get into everything I saw during my trip to the mall:
1.I started my day here. Not too offensive. Yet...
🎵 A little clavicle never killed nobody. 🎶
2.I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops, so I bought army pants and flip-flops.
3.While we're on the topic of Mean Girls, I was mostly offended to find this shirt in the "vintage tees" section.
4.Anyhoo, I meandered my way over to the accessories section and ended up here. Now, I don't mind the return of the claw clips, but if you told me this was a Claire's shelf from the early 2000s, I'd believe you.
5.Blair Waldorf called. She said she wants her puffy headband back.
6.There was SO MUCH RHINESTONE. A blinged-out zip-up with VELOUR cuff sleeves??? Don't get me started on the Hello Kitty jacket...
7.I was getting war flashbacks to my very ✨bedazzled✨ youth of meticulously rhinestoned dance costumes, Juicy Couture sweatsuits I couldn't afford, and getting in fights with my mom at a store called "Glitz & Ears" because she wouldn't buy me fake rhinestone "Chanel" earrings.
8.Lots to think about.
9.These were located inside the oversized boutique that used to be a Charming Charlie:
10.But perhaps the most heinous...
11.Oh, did you want something a little more toned down? No problem, how about some faux-slouchy-jean-cowboy boots:
12.Speaking of cowboy boots, Beyoncé induced or not, their renaissance is at its absolute PEAK right now.
13.ICYMI, the era of stinky feet is back.
14.And apparently cargo-style pocket pants are having a serious moment.
Basically, if you have your clothes from 2003 stored in a dusty box somewhere, unleash them because this is the style right now:
15.I've said this before, but I don't think denim on denim is ever going away.
I understand the inspiration.
16.But you're gonna have to MissMe with whatever country conservative town propaganda is going on in this store... we're in the suburbs people.
17.Absolutely shuddering at the return of the peplum top. ALREADY?!? In denim??? In PLEATHER??? Crimes. All of them.
18.What in the Delia's is this!?!
19.Ummm...but wait. There's more! No, this was not the kids' section.
20.Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah, Roma, roma-ma, Gaga, ooh-la-la.
Just sayin', we would've ATE that shirt up in 2008.
21.✨CHAOS✨ You got that right.
22.Please, no. Not the chimney sweeper caps.
Gotta give credit where credit it due.
23.The way I had this belt in black and wore it every. single. day. in seventh grade.
24.This was cute. Probably something Carrie Bradshaw wore.
25.This with some low-rise jeans was definitely a Y2K red carpet moment.
26.Maybe even paired back to some bedazzled jeans...
Essentially what Forever 21 is selling right now:
27.I mean... lest I say more.
Alright, I just need to pause for a second and ask what the hell is happening at this mall.
Of all the stores long gone from my childhood mall, that have since been taken over by dinosaurs and probably the ghosts of former tenants, the Hollister is still standing strong.
28.Nothing like a rugby-low-rise-flare-jean combo outfit to snap me back into reality.
29.The way I pleaded on my hands and knees for my dad to buy me this overpriced skirt in 2009.
30.Definitely some outfits Peyton wore on One Tree Hill.
31.Not the faux tattered sweaters...
32.Of all the chaos in this shopping excursion, I was most surprised to see this emotional support green jacket back in business so soon.
On that note, love it or hate it, I'll end with a simple PSA... Gen Z, heed our warnings.