Crack Up the Whole Family with These Corny Jokes
It hasn't been an easy couple of years for just about anybody, but if there's one thing we should know for certain by now it's that laughter helps make the tough times better. There's nothing like a good, hearty guffaw to cheer you up, whether it's a groan-worthy dad joke tickling your funny bone, or a joke for kids so goofy it can't help but strike you as funny. And then there all all those hilarious ha-has inspired by holidays like Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day, some of which we've included here, in our list of the 100 best corny jokes.
Yep, we've gathered up the corniest, funniest bon mots you'll find anywhere, and there are enough here to take your whole family through 12 big months of hooting and hollering. Memorize a few and then after you've shared them with the kids, your extended family, friends and even co-workers, come back to our list for even more. We have some classic one liners, knock-knocks and puns you might know and love—but also plenty that will be new to you, too. Best of all, these jokes are corny enough have one thing in common: they're all pretty much guaranteed to make anyone and everyone grin.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
Where do pirates get their hooks? Secondhand stores.
Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, I'm only joking!
What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
Knock knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us, so please open up.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
Knock knock. Who's there? Candice. Candice who? Candice joke get any worse?
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Photo credit: Jena Ardell 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iva. Iva who? I’ve a sore hand from knocking.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
What do you call a ghost's sweetheart? A ghoul-friend.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, ”Is the bar tender here?”
Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cher. Cher who? Cher would be nice if you opened the door.
What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
I just flew into town and my arms are so tired.
Photo credit: Nick David How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
I always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.
How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wa. Wa who? What are you so excited about?
Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? He's a fungi.
I'm on a seafood diet: When I see food, I eat it.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
What did the snail riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeeee!
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
Photo credit: MoMo Productions Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the moo-vies.
Why don't lobsters like to share? They're shellfish.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why couldn't the pony talk? Because she was just a little hoarse.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ida. Ida who? I think it’s pronounced Idaho.
What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics.
What job did the frog have at the hotel? Bellhop.
The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
Photo credit: Emely What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because he felt crumby.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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