'I can’t provide for my daughter': How the 'cost-of-children crisis' is affecting parents

Action for Children has warned the UK is in the midst of a 'cost-of-children crisis', and for many parents across the nation, this is their everyday reality.

One in five (19%) families with children were classed as being in 'serious financial difficulty' (the most severe form of financial insecurity) in May, according to data analysis by the charity.

Families with children are among the hardest hit by the country's soaring inflation, and single parents fare the worst, with a quarter being in 'serious financial difficulties' (26%) – higher than any other family type.

This resonates with single mum Charlene, 36, from Devon, who has a six-year-old daughter she feels "awful" she can't provide basic things for.

Charlene is medically unable to work due to mental health issues and a chronic lung condition called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), relying on Universal Credit to survive.

"The money I get doesn’t go far enough. I’ve cut back on absolutely everything, but I’ve still had times when I’ve looked in the cupboards and they’re empty. I skip meals several times a week and often just eat cereal for a main meal as that’s all I have left from the food parcel," she explains.

"I know she gets a hot lunch at school every day, so I don’t feel so bad not having hot food in the evening at home. But making her a hot meal every day during the school holidays is a big worry."

Keeping up with her gas bill has also become a huge problem for Charlene. "I have COPD, and my daughter has asthma, so I have to keep the house warm in the winter. It makes me feel awful that I can’t provide basic things for her. It’s just degrading as a parent.

"When you’re hungry and worrying about feeding your child, you can’t focus on anything else."

Paul Lane and Fiona, living in Devon, have been married for five years and have two daughters, 11 and six. They both have long-term health conditions, leaving them unable to work and forced to live off benefits, after having previously worked all their lives.

"We’re struggling to afford groceries now. The weekly bill for our family – just the basics and value brands – has gone up so much," says Paul.

"We have been grateful for the inflation increase in benefits earlier this year, but it simply doesn’t go nearly far enough. It doesn’t come close to covering the rise in costs of everything. Benefits have increased, yes, but much less than the costs of living have.

"Our rent has gone up a lot, but the housing benefit hasn’t increased at all because we are already at the maximum the local council deems necessary. So that already puts us £200 a month worse off, just in rent. We need an extra bedroom for our daughter who has additional needs, but we can’t afford it."

Fiona adds, "It’s not difficult to see that when your outgoings are more than your income, you will quickly end up in a debt spiral and when you can’t do anything to improve that situation, it’s terrifying. My mental health suffers because of the stress."

With all this in mind, here we take a closer look at how parents' health is taking a toll amid the 'cost-of-child crisis' and what they can to do support themselves, with the help of Leanne Balloch, Parent Talk coach at Action for Children.

How is the 'cost-of-children' crisis affecting parents' health?

"The 'cost of children' crisis has a huge impact on the family, more notably with mental health as this can create stress and lots of anxious feelings," says Balloch. "However, not having access to enough food to have a good balanced diet, and changes in the living environment can also have a big impact on members of the family.

"Not having food in your body or being cold can mean that you are unable to sleep as well, which in turn can affect moods and behaviour. This could mean that children are unable to regulate themselves effectively and this shows up in their behaviour.

"It could also lead to parents being tired which means they may not be able to parent in the ways they normally would. Both children and parents might not be able to concentrate at work or school."

What can parents do day-to-day to help protect their wellbeing?

There needs to be real change to help families, with Action for Children calling on the government to protect low-income families by increasing social security levels in line with inflation, reform Cost of Living Payments to take family size into account, and further changes to child benefits to help lift them out of poverty.

However, in the meantime, these are Balloch's recommendations to help preserve your mental health:

• Take time out for yourself to avoid feeling overwhelmed

• This could be a short walk with friends, grabbing 10 mins to have a cup of tea and write down you concerns – just some self-care time

• Speak to friends or families about concerns so you aren’t isolated with worries (this will also provide a space for finding solutions and supporting each other)

• Parents can also chat online to a parenting coach

How can parents relieve themselves of guilt?

"It’s natural for parents to carry some guilt if they feel like they are unable to provide everything they want to, but it’s important to concentrate on the positives wherever possible," says Balloch, who suggests:

• Reading more advice about managing parental guilt

• Remembering you’re all together and love each other and making memories isn’t necessarily about grand gestures for children. Children will remember feeling supported and loved

• If you’re worried about celebrations or Christmas for example, you can make some decorations together for the home, you can do fun things in the home with younger children, like building dens and having sleepovers, or getting involved in free local activities

• Speak to your local council to see if you qualify for the Holiday Activities and Food (HAF) programme

How can parents speak to their child about what is going on?

"It’s important to be honest with children without putting your worries on to them." Balloch advises:

• Discussing that the family needs to be more careful to save money (turning things off that aren’t being used, using food leftovers, keeping warm)

• Teaching children how to fix things, how to cook and how to make budgets. It’s important to make sure that these conversations are appropriate to the child’s age

How can parents ease the stress of money worries?

It can feel hard to overcome stress when the very thing causing it – money problems – can't be immediately solved. But these ways may help:

• Finding local support pages on Facebook

• Looking in local charity shops on a regular basis or doing clothes and food swaps with family and friends

• Speaking to your school about pre-loved uniform sales and swap shops for things like coats, wellies and Christmas jumpers

• Looking at what resources your local library has on offer

• Reading advice about coping with money worries on Action for Children’s Parent Talk service.

For support, you can also speak to professionals in your local area, which may include Parent Talk or your local Early Help service or Family Support Service. They can make sure you are aware of your benefits entitlement, and local support available for people struggling, such as any available cost-of-living funding, food banks and community fridges.

You can also contact your local council, Citizen’s Advice or Turn2Us to see if there is anything they can do to help your family.

If you're struggling with your mental health, speak to your GP, contact Mind's infoline on 0300 123 3393 or Samaritans on 116 123.

• Read more: How being a single parent affects mental health, as Geri Horner admits she was 'lonely' (Yahoo life UK, 4-min read)

• Read more: Mum says a Facebook group saved her son's life: Here's how to spot Sepsis symptoms (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)

• Read more: Can you leave children home alone during the school holidays? (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)

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