Hey society, newsflash: not everyone wants a gaggle of screaming kids. Some women don’t want more than one child, and some women don’t even want kids at all. And not everyone can easily pop out a new baby every 12 months like your fertile myrtle cousin who’s on her fifth baby before she even turns 30. But no matter how many kids a person has, whose business is it? Theirs and theirs alone.
So how about this? How we shut our traps if we feel inclined to judge a mom if she doesn’t happen to have a slew of hangry toddlers hanging off of her limbs? Because you don’t know her story. You don’t know if her motherhood choices come from a place of pain or a place of joy. Some moms have one child and that’s exactly the way they want it. Others pine for another, but biology has other plans.
When you see a woman with any number of kids, know this. She’s probably tired. She’s probably working her tail off 26 hours a day. And she probably could use a coffee and a few minutes to herself. So either bring her a Starbucks and tell her she’s doing an amazing job or go away. But do not, under any circumstances, judge or pry into her personal life if you see she’s a mom of an only child.
It’s not your business, Kathy, so move along.
“I’m ONE and DONE and I’m OKAY with that.. anyone else?”
“I have never experienced "baby fever." I had one unplanned pregnancy. Good kid, and I love him, but I am one and done.”
“I’m glad I only have one child. I love my son but he’s a handful. I do get baby envy but then I remember you have to actually raise all those babies... Nope sticking with my one and done plan! Happy mom happy family!”
The truth is, there are shit-ton of moms intentionally in the “one and done” camp and they like it there. Maybe we should just trust moms to take the path that’s best for their families, hmmmm?
“I make various excuses for why I'm one and done depending on who is asking. Truth is, my body did great with the first and since I figure I'll only get that stroke of luck once I'm not throwing that away. No apologies.”
“Why am I frowned upon or my child is for being an only child? This child is amazing as an individual as yours will be w or w our siblings. Please stop assuming we all need a handful of kids for happiness”
“I watch the way my sister judges me for only having one son. I miscarried, DH and I were going through stuff (still together bc of therapy and anger management), and we have debts. Our family is happier being one and done, don't judge.”
“What is so wrong with having just one kid? What if you can’t have another or afford one?Stop making only children feel less and your kids can be just as big of jerks as an only child. Stop please with it! It doesn’t guarantee a friend4 life”
“Only children are not the only kids that become entitled assholes. I know a lot of ppl w siblings that are the same. So don’t assume or judge an only child. They are just as good as your kids”
But even if those moms are happy being the mother of an only child, and even if that child is perfectly happy and healthy themselves, society still passes judgment. Why? Why must we stick our noses into another woman’s business like that?
“I've decided I'm one and done. DH and his family want more. I love him, but it's MY body, I'm the one that makes all the sacrifices, so it's my decision and my answer is NO. DH will have to get over it.”
“DH vasectomy can’t come soon enough. Hoping getting off BC pill cuts down on my anxiety. Now very confident in the choice to be one and done.”
“33rd Birthday. Decided for good that we are one and done and DH will get snipped. Don’t have any family for support, both have full-time careers and anxiety. It’s for the best, but it still hurts.”
Often times a woman chooses to stop after one child because it’s what’s best for her mental and physical health, and we say kudos to her for knowing what she needs.
“I hate when people ask me why we have an only child. Or worse, if we feel guilty she’s has no siblings. F*** yes we do but secondary infertility is a b**** and I can’t lose any more pregnancies without losing my mind too.”
“Never thought I’d ever have problems getting pregnant again. But here we are. I feel a pant of jealousy/sadness when I see an announcement from someone else...but I’m not devastated. Maybe that’s my clue I should be one and done.”
“Stop saying my kid is a brat because they’re an only child. She’s a toddler! And I can’t get pregnant so fuck you!”
And many, many women do want more kids but suffer from fertility issues. You poking around in their business doesn’t help. In fact, it makes the pain worse, so stop.
“I'm really tired of h blaming things on the fact that I'm an only child. I could hang a lot on his youngest child status, after all.”
“Only child here. After watching my friends with siblings, I was SO happy to be an only. Not spoiled (just the opposite), but NEVER thought I was hard done by or deprived as an only. If it works for your family, it will be fine.”
“I wish people would stop telling me to have another child. You don’t owe it to your child to “provide” a sibling. You have a baby because you want to. End of story. Only children are just fine. Siblings aren’t guaranteed friendship.”
“I always wished that I was an only child. Instead, I had three siblings who I have always barely tolerated (including one I don’t speak to at all now). Siblings don’t equal happiness, trust me!”
“This whole idea that “giving” your child siblings is a guarantee their lives will be better and they’ll have lifelong support is utter bullshit. I WISH I was an only child, after years of dealing with my cruel, crazy sibling.”
Because you know what? Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some sibling relationships can be toxic. Some families simply can’t afford more. So who gets to make the rules that kids have to have siblings? Kids need love and support and stability. And they can get that as one of 10 kids or as an only child.
So if you’re a “one and done” mom by choice or not by choice, we know you love that little bugger (or big bugger) with all your heart and you’re a kick-ass mom. And that’s truly all that matters. And to all the judgy Joannes bugging women to “give their kids a sibling!”, you can shut it. Worry about your own fam, lady, and leave other moms alone. They’re doing their best to raise good humans who don’t judge others for their life choices and stick their noses where they don’t belong.