These confessions about emotional affairs show just how deeply a non-physical betrayal can go
It’s not an uncommon scenario for many adults. You and a co-worker strike up a good friendship, or you and a neighbor instantly click. It’s all innocent until you feel yourself becoming attracted to them — because you’re married. Navigating these feelings can be incredibly difficult, and sometimes you think, “oh, it’s not physical, so it’s okay.”
Unlike a strictly platonic friendship, when sexual chemistry and mutual attaction is involved, the slippery slope of an emotional affair begins. Growing close to someone you’re attracted to that is not your spouse, while natural in a human behavior sense, can lead to major trouble. An emotional affair drains energy from your primary relationship — which is a big red flag for danger ahead.
“When I caught DH in an emotional affair he deleted everything on his phone and locked me out of his calendar. He swears it wasn’t physical, but he took away any evidence. Really don’t know for sure they didn’t have sex and that’s devastating.”
“My DH has suddenly started to avoid looking at me. I'm pretty sure he is having an emotional affair. I not so subtly reminded him last night that everything he owns is half mine and he couldn't afford it without me. I work too hard for this shit.”
“DH had an emotional affair w/his coworker. Our families were close, went to each other's kids' bday parties, hung out, etc. They had a fight, she ended it, he was upset & that's how I found out. Sometimes I wish I didn't forgive him.”
When you’re in the midst of an emotional affair, your fantasy life can run hog wild. Soon, you’re imagining what life would be like with the other person instead of your spouse. And sure, the grass is always greener, right? Except when it comes to an emotional affair, it’s just fantasy. But that fantasy can become a nightmare quickly if you’re significant other finds out.
“I have about fucking had it with DH emotional affair at work. About to do something drastic and embarrass the shit out of both of them at work. She better back off, but it's mostly him.”
“DH had an emotional affair w a coworker. I can’t get over it and I punish him for it by pushing him away. Wish I wasn’t so vindictive.”
“DH had an emotional affair, said he’s tired and doesn’t want to apologies anymore. I wanted him to hurt the way I did. He said he’s done with our marriage, but I just want him to show some remorse instead of just saying sorry.”
While it’s perfectly fine to make friends with other people — even ones you find attractive — we all know the difference between “this is fine” and “uh-oh, this could really, genuinely hurt the person I share my life with.”
If you’re starting to obsessively think of the other person on a daily basis, or maybe you’re yearning for them in a way that goes beyond escapism, perhaps it’s time to cut ties.
“It's been 7 years since H's emotional affair. I can't get past it. I read an article that at least 80% of men will have an emotional affair. I would much rather be fucking alone than deal with this shit again.”
“I never thought I’d be the lady confessing that I’m having an emotional affair.”
“I had a emotional affair with a coworker. He broke it off and now I’m depressed. He treats me better than my fiancé”
Having any sort of affair — emotional or otherwise — is a symptom of a much greater problem in your primary relationship. If you don’t want to lose everything, or if your spouse is the one having the affair and you either know about it or suspect it, now is the time to seek help and make an effort to improve communication and your bond with your spouse.
“DH just admitted to emotional affair with neighbor. In theory we are going to work on our marriage. He thinks we will be better than ever. I just opened a checking account and set up 10% auto deposit into it. Did I mention I make more than him?”
“DH is having emotional affair with the neighbor. He does not want to work on our marriage, but thinks I should. I opened my own checking account and am saving to leave. Neighbor, you are welcome to him. He needs me more than I need him.”
“Over the 27 yrs we've been married, I've twice had to distance myself from a female friend or coworker because I felt myself growing too close to her, and was afraid it would develop into an emotional affair. We have problems, but DW doesn't deserve that”
Emotional affairs can feel like a deeper betrayal than just a physical one, because emotions are much harder to navigate and cut off than purely physical needs. If an emotional affair is destroying your relationship, these confessions show you’re not alone.