How To Get Rid of a Boner: The Gentleman’s Guide to Unwanted Erections
Table of Contents
Our man-parts get excited all on their own from time to time. It’s perfectly natural, but that excitation can be embarrassing if we’re around other people, such as at work or with friends. That’s right — we’re talking about an unwanted hard-on. Because no matter what the case may be, every person born with a penis will need to learn how to get rid of a boner at some point.
Erections can pop up at seemingly random times. It happens more to teenagers going through puberty, but the problem of surprise stiffies is something most men deal with at some point in life.
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First, while this may seem humorous, unwanted erections can be deadly serious. If you’re reading this with a painful erection or an erection that’s lasted more than four hours, see a doctor immediately. An erection that lasts four hours or more is a medical condition called priapism. These persistent and sometimes very painful erections are no joking matter, as they can lead to side effects like permanent erectile dysfunction as the tissues in your penis are damaged.
Seriously, those commercials telling you to call your doctor if you have an erection that lasts more than four hours aren’t joking around.
How Do you Get Rid of an Unwanted Boner?
Some prescription drugs can cause priapism. In addition to erectile dysfunction medication like Viagra, priapism is a known side effect of many common antidepressants. In addition, blood disorders like sickle cell anemia can cause this condition.
However, if you believe that sexual arousal or frustration is at the root of your problem, then masturbating is a natural way to solve the problem. While you can use your hand, going to town using the best male sex toys, such as male masturbators, might be an even better way to do the trick. If that fails to resolve the situation, or if masturbation is not possible, you need to find another solution. Urination is another common strategy for getting rid of an erection.
According to the National Health Service in the U.K., other strategies for getting rid of an erection include light exercise, a warm bath, and over-the-counter ibuprofen to ease discomfort.
Sometimes, simply reading about what happens when you go to the emergency room with priapism is enough to rectify the situation. For instance, one common emergency treatment involves inserting “a large-bore biopsy needle…through the glans penis into the [erectile tissue].” Less gentle approaches include using a surgical scalpel to dissect the penile tissue. For a particularly graphic representation of these procedures, visit the following link at your own peril [Editor’s Note: This link contains graphic images: click here to view]. If looking at these diagrams doesn’t get rid of your unwanted erection, then you should definitely call a doctor.
While these treatments may seem extreme, the alternative may be a lifetime of erectile dysfunction.
When To Contact a Doctor About an Unwanted Erection That Won’t Go Away
Remember: what they say on commercials is true. If your erection lasts multiple hours and won’t go away, you should call a doctor or head to the emergency room for priapism treatment. Ignore this advice at your peril; the consequences could be dire. Guidelines vary on exactly when you should contact a doctor, but most experts advise men to seek professional help after 2-4 hours, when normal strategies such as urination or orgasm fail, or if the erection becomes painful.
More Strategies for Getting Rid of a Boner
If you don’t believe your situation is a medical emergency and still want to learn how to get rid of a boner, then keep reading. Gentler approaches may be appropriate for erections that have not lasted more than several hours and don’t cause severe pain.
However, adult men should not regularly suffer from uncontrollable or unwanted erections. If this is happening to you often, you should also talk to a doctor or therapist to find out what’s going on. Are you okay, man? There’s no shame in talking about your problems with a professional.
But if you need to get rid of an erection fast, don’t worry: There are plenty of surefire ways to calm down your Johnson.
Read on to learn how to get rid of boners.
1. Hide it and Wait It Out
The first thing to do with an unwanted erection? Hide it. Tuck it in your waistband if you can manage the adjustment without attracting attention to yourself. You can also find a seated position that hides the wood (such as the classic one leg over the other) or, if you’re standing, put your hands in your pockets and make fists to hide the bulge.
2. Think of Something Else
Many unwanted hard-ons are caused by sneaky sexual thoughts or visual stimulation. If that’s the case with your situation, try diverting your thoughts. One good method is to do math in your head. It doesn’t have to be calculus — simple arithmetic will do — but try to make it difficult enough that you’ll be sufficiently distracted. You can also think about any pressing matter in your life, such as bills, upcoming tests, stressful events, etc. Lastly, there’s the age-old trick of thinking about someone who’s… well… not your idea of boner-inducing.
3. Urinate
Fun fact: A full bladder pushes against the sacral nerve, which causes an erection. This is why men wake up with boners (aka morning wood). Of course, peeing with a boner can get hard — pun not intended — but it might fix all your awkward issues.
4. Distract Yourself
If your thoughts can’t be controlled, do something that will distract you. Take out your phone and check emails, watch a YouTube video on tadpoles, do some research on World War II on Wikipedia or just read whatever the first headline is on the CNN app. You can also start doing something like cleaning.
5. Get Cold
Haven’t you ever heard somebody say, “I need a cold shower”? Giving your soldier a cold shock will usually make the erection disappear. The best method is a cold shower. You can also grab a cold drink from the fridge and rest it on your lap inconspicuously. Lastly, try an ice pack.
6. Exercise
It’s basic science: Boners are caused by blood flow to your penis. Divert that blood elsewhere by doing light exercises such as pushups, jumping jacks or taking a walk. This will bring blood to your muscles and away from your member.
7. Self-Stimulation
If your erection is really stubborn, sneak off to the bathroom and give it what it wants: relief. It’s certainly not the easiest solution in every situation, but it’s also the most effective. Also, frequent unwanted hard-ons might signal that you need to self-pleasure more often.
8. Be Prepared
There are steps to prepare for the next time a surprise hard-on strikes you. Tight underwear will keep your penis against your leg, which should sufficiently hide it from public view. These New Balance athletic underwear are a great option, offering a snug fit that’s not too tight. Plus, they’re great for exercise with moisture-wicking fabric and a no-ride-up leg.
New Balance Men’s Mesh No Fly Boxer Brief
Updates: This article was originally published on March 26, 2022. We updated our original article on August 13, 2022, with additional information and recommendations for getting rid of an erection. Good luck!
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