Complacency got women here, but authenticity can get us back to where we want to be

In the course of three weeks I took three flights and drove over 1,300 miles to talk to women in four states. I was hosted in eight homes, where I recorded six kitchen table conversation podcasts – we literally sat at their kitchen tables – and attended six events where women were trained in the art of relational organizing. There was a lot of coffee and charcuterie involved, although usually not at the same events.

I'm a born talker, and I love hearing people's stories: Put me in a room with someone for 10 minutes and I'll know where they're from, how they met their spouse and maybe even a birth story or two.

But my trip was about more than small talk or superficial connections. It was about women, our experiences and how policies and proposals playing out across the country are affecting us and our families.

I did this tour to hear directly from women what is most important to them in the upcoming elections, what made them get involved now, why some of their friends still aren’t involved, and how we can overcome that.

Because we need to be.

Staying on the sidelines is not an option

It’s easy to become overwhelmed by what we see and hear in the media because that is how the extremists want us to feel. But as I sat in living rooms in Michigan, Ohio, North Carolina and Pennsylvania, I heard from women who are living the real-life effects of book bans, attacks on women’s health care choices and threats of political violence. They repeatedly told me not being involved is not an option – they know they need to do something NOW. Not only that, they are determined to bring as many people to the polls as they can.

My first stop was a lovely home on a cul-de-sac in Rochester Hills, Michigan. I knew I loved host Kathy when I complimented how clean her house was and she told me not to open any closed doors or go upstairs. She’s my people. As others were arriving for the event, we learned Kathy’s son’s school was in a lockdown situation for unknown reasons. Nevertheless, Kathy participated in our kitchen table conversation podcast recording where one of the other women said something that has stuck with me ever since: We got complacent.

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As my tour continued, I attended events where women were trained in the art of relational organizing. These were legitimately fun, and it was a pleasure to meet so many women who have been involved for years but wanted to try a fresh approach. They sat alongside women who have never even discussed politics with their friends but know they need to now. Relational organizing is our approach, and it’s made for women.

Relational organizing is far more personal and targeted than door knocking. It is more effective to have a conversation with someone with whom you have rapport and trust than to speak with a stranger. Meaningful conversations where you can address someone’s concerns and fears to allay lingering doubts that robo texts and calls cannot address.

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Red Wine & Blue's approach is to combine these interactions with user-friendly technology to give women a way to reach their friends easily when it’s most convenient for them. Saturdays spent at the soccer field or ferrying children to their various activities can be even more effective than hours spent canvassing, which is wonderful for all of us who are overcommitted but intent on doing our part.

We're all thinking about our rights

Kansas is a perfect example of the power of women from diverse backgrounds and with different political views coming together for the singular purpose of protecting their reproductive rights.

More: Kansas shows anti-abortion Republicans how voters react when you go after their rights

Many smaller groups joined forces to work together, and the result speaks for itself. Grassroots organizations born over a cup of coffee have a clear advantage over supposed mom organizations that were conceived by men in windowless rooms of Washington think tanks. Behind the glossy signs and matching T-shirts are scripted, untrue, non-sequitur talking points meant to confuse and engender fear.

For too long we heard people casually repeat disinformation and lies, but many of us were too polite to push back because we were afraid to engage with someone out of fear they were better informed than us or simply we wanted to keep our social interactions free of “politics.” I lost count of the number of women who told me they had anxiously broached these topics with friends for the first time only to discover it had been on their friends’ minds as well. Of course it is! We are all thinking about these things because our social fears have been replaced with the legitimate fear that if we don’t stop the assaults on our rights, we may soon find they are irretrievably lost.

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'I know I have to do something now'

I heard so many women introduce themselves and say some version of, “I have never been politically active, but I know I have to do something now.” Or, “My friend invited me here tonight, and I came because I want to learn how to talk to more people.”

A woman in Cleveland self-deprecatingly introduced herself as a Republican but she was warmly welcomed. She said she was there because of the repeal of Roe v. Wade, but I watched her face later as she heard about some of the truly unhinged proposed bills in Ohio throughout the course of the evening. She told us she was shocked and appalled and is now committed to raising awareness among her friends and acquaintances.

The only way out of this mess is for those of us who have been complacent – and I am talking to myself here just as much as anyone else – to roll up our sleeves and work alongside anyone who is willing to work with us. Complacency got us here, but authenticity can get us back to where we want to be.

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Rachel Vindman is a wife, mom, writer, activist and host of "The Suburban Women Problem" podcast. She is a member of the USA TODAY Board of Contributors. Follow her on Twitter: @natsechobbyist

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Midterm election: Women know not being involved is no longer an option