Chrissy Teigen says it’s lonely in the “cancel club.”
The Cravings author came under fire in May after Courtney Stodden, a reality star who was 16 when they married then-51-year-old actor Doug Hutchinson, claimed that Teigen bullied them and sent death threats on Twitter a decade ago. Teigen apologized for her actions in two open letters on Medium, as well as on social media, following Stodden’s claims.
Teigen, who has largely kept a low profile on social media since her public apologies, took to Instagram on July 14 to talk about her isolation and what it’s like to be a part of the “cancel club.”
“I don’t really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter s*** in real life,” she wrote in the caption of a photo of herself lounging on a couch. “Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is OK.”
Teigen, who is married to John Legend, continued, “Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot. Only a few understand it and it’s impossible to know 'til you’re in it. And it’s hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiney when you’ve clearly done something wrong. It just sucks.”
The mom admitted that “there is no winning” given the circumstances.
“All I know is I love you guys, I miss you guys, and I just needed an honest moment with you because I’m just...tired of being sick with myself all day,” she continued. “I don’t even know if it’s good to say any of this because it’s gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can’t do this silent s*** anymore! If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch!”
She concluded her post with, “Thank u and goodbye I love u.”
People shared supportive words in the comments section, with one follower writing, ‘People make mistakes and people learn from these mistakes. Head up and keep going — you got this.”
Another added, “Been missing your authentic honesty. Welcome back...here when you are ready. And proud to bear witness to your work as a person. Inspires me to do better. We are in this together!”
Teigen has been open about struggling with her mental health in the past. In 2017, she shared that she battled postpartum depression after giving birth to her daughter Luna.
“Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed,” she wrote in an essay for Glamour. “John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
The model also shared that she used alcohol to cope, explaining to Cosmopolitan, "I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show. And then I felt bad for making kind of an ass of myself to people that I really respected. And that feeling, there’s just nothing like that. You feel horrible.”
Read more from Yahoo Life:
Want lifestyle and wellness news delivered to your inbox? Sign up here for Yahoo Life’s newsletter.