Celebs can 'have it all' and still be cheated on. What does it mean for the rest of us?

Adam Levine, left, and Behati Prinsloo arrive at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party on Sunday, Feb. 9, 2020, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP) ORG XMIT: CAAS664
Adam Levine, left, and Behati Prinsloo arrive at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party on Sunday, Feb. 9, 2020, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP) ORG XMIT: CAAS664

In the past week, we've seen Nia Long’s fiancé Ime Udoka suspended from his role as Celtics basketball coach after an alleged affair, and Victoria's Secret model Behati Prinsloo's relationship with Adam Levine under the spotlight after he sent inappropriate messages to another woman.

Other big names like Emily Ratajkowski and Beyoncé Knowles also have opened up about their experiences with infidelity, the latter dedicating a whole album to address it.

While it's easy to react to reports that a celebrity has cheated on their famous partner with surprise: They seem to have it all, they are beautiful and successful. Cheating is much more complicated.

It's an issue that isn't just skin deep, experts say, and often has more to do with the cheater than the person being cheated on.

"Beauty is not necessarily a motivator when it comes to seeking sex outside of primary partnerships," explains Cyndi Darnell, sex and relationships therapist and author of "Sex When You Don't Feel Like It: The Truth about Mismatched Libido & Rediscovering Desire."

"The reasons people cheat are wide and varied and are often based in feelings and emotional complexity, far more profound than whether their primary partner is hot or not," Darnell says. "What people seek when they are cheating is often experiences that, for whatever reason, they feel they cannot have within the confines of the relationship they are in."

More: Can your relationship truly recover from cheating?

'Affair fog': Why some people jeopardize healthy marriages for quick flames

Why do people cheat in the first place?

As Millennial Therapist Sara Kuburic shared in a previous USA TODAY column, cheating is often a symptom – not the problem itself. There may be underlying issues people aren't aware of from the outside looking in.

"There is no justification for cheating, but there are often reasons for it – whatever they may be," Kuburic writes.

In a 2018 survey from Ashley Madison, a dating website that targets married people who want to have affairs, 61% of survey respondents reported that sex is the primary reason they looked outside of their marriages, but other survey responses illustrate the more complex nature of cheating. The survey found people are also seeking emotional reassurance like affection (44%) and friendship (42%) outside their primary relationship.

Emily Jamea, a sex therapist at REVIVE Therapy & Healing in Houston, previously told USA TODAY that people expect a lot out of their marriage and when a need isn't being met, they may stray instead of fixing their issues.

"People are very guilty of not nurturing their relationship," Jamea said. "We fall into patterns and start to neglect aspects of the relationship that are important, and people miss the feelings they had early in the relationship."

Affairs also often have less to do with the partner and more to do with the cheater, which is why blaming the "other" person is misguided.

"It is tempting to believe that if it were not for the other woman, the affair would not have occurred. However, that’s not necessarily true," relationship trauma expert Janie Lacy says. "It’s more likely means there would have been a 'different' woman."

What does this mean for us 'average' people?

It means no matter how "hot" someone is, there are no guarantees in life nor in marriage, Darnell says.

"What calls us sexually and what satisfies us relationally are often not the same. This is normal and this is an issue that is a challenge for so many people of all ages, genders and orientations," she says. "We do not get taught sex and relationships skills with this level of nuance. We truncate marriage and sexual satisfaction down to 'hotness' and that is really just the tip of the iceberg. There is way more below the surface for all of us whether we are aware of it or not."

So, whether you're a Victoria's Secret model or not, some things remain the same, Darnell explains:

  • The reasons people stray are varied, complex and profoundly personal.

  • Betrayal is strong and the emotional fall out can be great.

  • And the more we can develop relational and sexual intelligence, the more tools we will all have to navigate such situations as they arise in all of our relationships.

Related: Adam Levine, Sumner Stroh and why we love to hate 'the other woman'

More: 4 tips for keeping things fun, sexy in your long-term relationship

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Nia Long, Beyonce, EmRata, Behati: What celeb cheating scandals say