Note: This story discusses emotional abuse and suicide.
While all romantic relationships should be a safe space to have open and honest discussions, sometimes confessing something vulnerable can make one partner call it quits.
So when Reddit user u/AdditionalDentist100 asked: "What's something you confessed to your partner that ended your relationship?" a lot of people provided their own personal experiences. Here's what they had to say below:
1."I confessed that I wanted to do more for her. I thought I was neglecting her and working too much. That next week, she sat me down and told me that I was threatening her independence and that she needed a week to think about us. The week after that, she broke up with me."
"I later got the real reason from her former best friend: She never had a guy who wanted 'all in' like I did and panicked."
2."I didn’t want us to move in together with six other relatives."
3."I told him that I was starting therapy because of my mental health issues. Our relationship didn't end immediately, but he started being very cold afterwards. He was mad that I went to a therapist instead of just thinking more positively, even though that's not how mental health works. In his opinion, therapists are just manipulative assholes who try to get money from people and make up mental disorders."
4."A new partner and I did a mutual STI testing so we could start skipping the condom (I’m snipped). Theirs came back positive for trich; I hadn’t gotten my results back yet. They got really overly apologetic about it and really shamed themselves for it, and it made me sad. So I tried to remind them that condoms aren’t perfect, and they very well could’ve gotten it from me. But they didn’t let up, they kept saying it was their fault, and they were so sorry for exposing me. I sat them down and laid out my whole sexual history since my last test in hopes they would stop shaming themselves for getting what is basically the mildest STI imaginable. They broke up with me the next day. Said they couldn’t protect their sexual health around someone so promiscuous. My test came back negative for trich."
5."When I was 16, I told my boyfriend I was a virgin, and he called me a hoe and broke up with me."
6."It’s not necessarily what I confessed, but I showed him my picture from eighth grade, and he couldn’t handle that I used to look like I did in eighth grade."
7."I cried in front of her about my grandpa dying, and she never saw me the same way anymore."
8."That I was joining the Navy. I needed to get out of my hometown and state; she wanted to stay and become a teacher. I have never hated us or our relationship, it was our first relationship. I met up with her recently. She is now married to a hell of a guy and has a kid on the way. (He's also really into Warhammer, and we have a game going on in a couple of days)."
9."I said while crying because he got angry with me at a restaurant: 'I am sometimes afraid to tell you how I feel because I’m afraid of how you’ll react.' And he said, 'Well, that's fucking pathetic.'"
"My partner had a habit of starting a convo by asking how I felt about something, then would criticize me for feeling what I felt. It always ended up being a debate about why I felt the way I did. It was never okay for me to feel sad, worried, scared, etc.
Over time, I started to feel anxious when he’d ask questions and purposely responded vaguely, or just straight up said that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing (which would incite anger or more judgment).
Eventually, my response became exactly that. A teary 'I don’t know if I want to share because I’m worried about how you’ll react/respond,' and his responses were along the lines of 'that’s stupid,' 'you’re ridiculous,' 'don’t be an idiot,' or 'seriously?'
I don’t know if it’s because I got so used to it, or from being distracted by all the other bigger things in the relationship, but for some reason, I didn’t even notice that this was another bad thing until reading this comment. It was just…normal."
10."I told her my work schedule. A lot of people don’t seem to be okay with a four-on-four-off schedule because it’s an eight-day week. One month, I’m working weekends, the next month I’m off on the weekend."
11."That the autism diagnosis I went for came back positive. 'I can't cope with that,' she said. To be honest, she couldn't even cope with the dishes either."
"I don't understand why people think getting a diagnosis immediately changes someone. They are the exact same person they were before the diagnosis.
They get diagnosed, and then treatment options open up, and they can then decide whether they want to pursue them or not.
I got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2015, and one of my friends suddenly became really distant as 'she no longer felt safe around me.' Girl, if I go manic, I'm going to be too preoccupied researching Pluto and the history of spiders to be violent."
12."I broke down crying during a more realistic war movie. She told me to suck it up. After she confronted me for drinking too much, I finally sought VA disability. Diagnosed with depression, PTSD, anxiety, among other things. Bills started pouring in, and I told her we couldn’t afford certain luxury things because I was the sole breadwinner. I said I felt like I was drowning and my head was slowly slipping under the surface. She told me to 'figure it out.' So, I did. We divorced. And I’m much happier and no longer on the train of 'be a man and tighten your bootstraps.' I got help and know that it’s okay to do so."
13."My friend was telling us that she threatened to kill herself if her boyfriend broke up with her. I said this was toxic and that I wouldn't kill myself if my boyfriend broke up with me. My boyfriend broke up with me the next day because apparently not wanting to kill myself meant that my love for him was not true."
14."She found out I had health problems with my heart. Had a major heart attack and had to stay in the hospital for a few days, got a little better, and the hospital got overcrowded, so I got sent home 'cause my girlfriend would be there to watch for any signs of a problem. Well, I had another heart attack, and she left in the middle of it. Just said, 'I cant.'"
Have you ever confessed something to your ex-partner that made them decide to leave the relationship? If yes, tell us what it was in the comments below.
If you're in need of talking to a mental health professional, the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.