Breaking: Celebrities Have Run Out of Things To Do
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Well, it’s official. Celebrities have finally run out of work to do. With the year nearing its end, and just about every film, television show, and album released, a select group of performers have found a new way to keep us (and themselves!) entertained.
Enter CBS’s Pickled, a live, celebrity pickleball tournament featuring all your favorite Hollywood alumnus. The show will be hosted by Stephen Colbert, a pickleball enthusiast. Apparently, when the 58-year-old comedian isn’t hosting The Late Show, he’s outside, hitting tiny little balls over a not-so-tiny little net. He even graced the cover of In Pickleball, a real magazine about the happenings of pickleball culture. Who knew?
If you’re wondering what the hell pickleball is, don’t worry, we’ll break it down. Pickleball is essentially tennis, but smaller, and with more rules. Players work in teams of two, and use paddles to whack a ball back and forth until someone scores. If you’ve ever seen people on a tennis court playing something that looks like tennis but isn’t, it’s probably pickleball. Apparently, famous people love it.
The upcoming Pickled tournament features unexpected celeb pairings, with even better team names. Kelly Rowland and Murray Barlett have joined forces as “Dink Floyd,” while Sugar Ray Leonard and Emma Watson are “The Volley Ranchers.” Jimmie Allen and Max Greenfield are “Dill-I-Am,” and Tig Notaro and a mystery guest are “Party ‘Til You Cuke.’” Luis Guzmán and Daniel Dae Kim make up “Daniel Dae Luis,” June Diane Raphael and Paul Scheer are “The Paddle Snakes,” and Jaime Camil and Aisha Tyler are “Take This Lob and Shove It.” Dierks Bently and Phil Keoghan round out the lineup as “When Harry Net Rally.”
Since Colbert is the self proclaimed “Sexiest Man in Pickleball,” it only makes sense that he runs the show. We can expect to hear a few one-liners as he judges the competition. When the players are finally done dominating the court, the winning team will receive “The Colbert Cup.” It’s a pickleball lover's dream come true. (We think.)
CBS’s Pickled premieres live at 9 p.m. on November 17. It’s a whopping two hours long, so if you can’t dedicate that much time to watching the event, you can stream it (and skip to the final round) on Paramount+. I’m not sure if fantasy pickleball leagues exist, but if they do, I want in. My money’s on “Dink Floyd,” since Olivia Pope (almost) never loses.
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