These are the 8 best sex toys if you're interested in trying BDSM, according to experts
Maybe your interest was piqued after watching Fifty Shades of Grey or Bonding on Netflix. Maybe your partner (consensually) bit or spanked you a tad bit harder than usual…and you liked it. Or maybe you’ve always had a hard-on for hardware.
Whatever the reason, welcome.
So, you’re interested in BDSM
Since the wonderful world of BDSM can be intimidating to kink newcomers (err, newcummers?), we’ll start with a little refresher on what the heck all those squished-together consonants mean.
“BDSM is an umbrella term that stands for bondage and restraint, dominance (or discipline) and submissive, and sadism and masochism,” says Nicole Buratti, CEO and founder of Sex Talk with Nicole, a podcast about sexual health and relationships. It might sound a little scary, but all safe BDSM is consensual and has the ultimate goal of boosting pleasure.
“BDSM can be very erotic and certainly can add a little spice to the bedroom,” says Buratti. And adding it into your play doesn’t take much (in terms of cash and effort). Thanks to the sex-positivity moment and the indisputable success of the Fifty Shades franchise, purchasing kinky toys and trinkets has never been easier.
To get you started, self-identified kinksters and sex educators share the BDSM sex toys they recommend for beginners.
Quick note if you’ve never experienced BDSM before:
If you and your partner are kink newbies, you might want to do a little homework, recommends Daniel Sayant, founder of NSFW, a New York City club hosting sex-positive events and workshops. You might hire a professional Dominatrix to give you and your partner a private lesson on how to use certain toys, play with power, and do things like spank, choke, whip, flog, or paddle in the safest way possible, he says.
“Many sex shops also offer intro to BDSM classes, which can help you master your Inner Master,” he says. “There are also some great online tutorials (like Watts the Safeword) and books (like Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams) about how to safely get into BDSM.”
At the very least, before any BDSM play, you should definitely discuss boundaries, fantasies you’re looking to explore, and agree to a red/yellow system for slowing down the action or bringing it to a stop, says Sayant. “Negotiate with your partner ahead of time, then read their body reactions and check in with them throughout the play,” he says. If you’re not sure how to check-in, simply asking, “Can I…?” before you try something, “How does this feel?” while trying something new, or “How are you feeling?” throughout the play will do the trick.
Good news: “It’s okay not to be an expert from the beginning. Learning things together strengthens relationships and leads to happier kinksters,” says Sayant. Cheers to that.
1YnM 20 Pound Weighted Blanket
Shop it! $79.50, amazon.com
Yep, your favorite anxiety-reliever is also a…kinky sex toy. If you’ve never been tied up (or tied down) before, sex educator and sex toy reviewer Indigo Wolfe recommends experimenting with a weighted blanket. “Because it’s not heavy enough to actually hold you down, putting the weighted blanket over your body is a sexy reminder that your partner doesn’t want you to move,” they say. Knowing that you’re able to physically get out of the “restraint” (and easily!) if you ever need can be just the comfort kink newbies need to really enjoy the session.
If you already have a weighted blanket, just use that! If it’s not as heavy as you would like, folding it over itself can make it feel weightier. Otherwise, invest in this 20lb option from Amazon. Worst case scenario, you don’t like it using it during Sexy Time but loveeee it while you sleep.
2Sportsheets Under-the-Bed-Restraint System
Shop it! $69.34, amazon.com
Maybe you’ve already tried Wolfe’s weighted blanket trick, or maybe you and your partner already engage in some light BDSM play like securing your hands over your head. Whatever the reason, if you already *know* you’re going be into restraint, you can’t go wrong with Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraint System. Made of nylon, this babe has got a big “base” strap with two arm and leg straps attached.
Here’s how it works: You tuck the base strap under the mattress so that an arm and leg strap peak out each side. The person getting strapped down (usually the partner who wants to be more submissive) can lie belly-up or face-down on the mattress. Then, their partner (likely the more dominant one) can Velcro the soft cuffs closed. After that: Have it at with oral sex, sensation play, massaging—whatever you’ve agreed upon ahead of time is fair play.
Best part? It literally takes under a minute to set up. And you can put it away when you’re done (ideal for folks who don’t want their roommates, parents, or kids, knowing about their kinky side).
3Unbound Cuffies
Shop it! $18, unboundbabes.com
Like the idea of being cuffed but feel a little weary about the whole “the key is super tiny and what if it falls down the air conditioning vent and I’m stuck here forever” thing (just me???). Well, made from silicone the Unbound Cuffies are a no-key, no-buckle, no-knots-required set of handcuffs. “They’re resilient, but also easy to get in and out of if needed,” explains Sarah Jayne Kinney, chief creative officer and co-founder of Unbound, the company responsible for this cute product. “Cuffies are a great option for people who like to bring toys with them when they travel, or are staying over a partner’s place,” she says. They easily fit inside a purse (…or big pocket).
A classic wrists-over-head situation move during missionary is a perfect starter position. You can always bring your linked arms down over your partner’s head to draw their body closer to yours. Or, your partner can cuff your hands behind your back and bend you over the bed for some doggy action.
While the silicone is stretchy enough that Cuffies will fit most wrist-sizes, if you’ve got xxxs or xxxl, check out the Sportsheets Sex & Mischief Beginner’s Handcuffs from Amazon instead, which have an adjustable velcro clasp.
4Bijoux Indiscrets Shh Blindfold
Shop it! $37.15, amazon.com
A type of sensory deprivation play, eliminating your ability to by throwing on a blindfold can intensify your other senses. “The Shhh Blindfold from Bijoux Indiscrets are a delicate (and very reasonably priced) blindfold that is silky and smooth to the touch,” says Sayant.
His suggestion: Pair the blindfold with another teasing tool like a piece of ice, a feather, the tassels on a flogger, or a Wartenberg wheel (more on that one, below). “Your partner won’t be able to see what’s coming, which takes the sensation (and the teasing) to a whole new level,” he says. ~Hot~
5Unbound The Golden Babe Set
Shop it! $160, unboundbabes.com
A fashion statement, stylish BDSM offering, and vibrator, Unbound's Golden Babe Set is more versatile than, well, a bedroom switch. This set, which comes with Unbound’s famous Palma vibrator cocktail ring, a collar-esque necklace that doubles as a whip, and harness that can be worn as a necklace, is a fashionistas BDSM starter pack.
While other companies make finger vibrators and harnesses, the Golden Whip Necklace is an especially unique offering. Kinney recommends using the tassels on the to tease your partner (or yourself) on your most sensitive erogenous zones (like their ears, belly, and thighs). Fun!
ICYWW, the harness (named Harness, lol) has a stretchy elastic waistband and torso strap to accommodate a variety of body types.
6Unbound Nipple and Clit Clamp
Shop it! $34, unboundbabes.com
Another fun option by Unbound, “the Nipple and Clit Clamp is a bit more advanced than the other offerings but it’s a good start for someone looking to get into nipple play,” explains Kinney. And nipple play? Something everyone should at least try! The nips are a magical erogenous zone that, when stimulated, can feel ahhmazing—some people can even have an orgasm from nipple stimulation alone!
Admittedly, you probably want to introduce nipple action to your sex life with tongue, teeth, and touch before trying clamps. But once you’re a confirmed Nipple Enthusiast, these Unbound clamps are clutch. “Each has silicone caps to ensure comfort and a small metal band that slides to add pressure little by little,” explains Kinney. Hand over control to your partner by letting them play the role of the adjuster.
As the name of the product suggests, there is also a clasp that connects the nipple piece to a clitoral clamp. “But those who wish to simply wear this item on their nipples can by unclasping the clit portion,” says Kinney. Good to know!
7Chili Pepper Emojibator
Shop it! $32.49, amazon.com
Don’t worry, Sayant’s not suggesting you bring an actual chili pepper into your sexy time scene. But he is suggesting you bring a vibrator, like Emojibator Chili Pepper vibrator, to add some ~heat~ your kinky play. “Use a vibrator to take your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then back down, then repeat, until they’re begging to come,” says Sayant. Known as edging or orgasm control, he says this kind of build-up will make for an even more intense final climax.
When you’re not using this babe with your boo, use it on your own. About 5 inches long and made of body-safe silicone, this Emojibator makes a great external clit vibrator and internal G-spot vibrator—simply use the rounded edge to apply pressure to the sensitive tissue inside your vaginal canal.
8Womanizer Premium
Shop it! $189.05, amazon.com
Don’t love the idea of a food-shaped vibrator? “You can also go big with a Womanizer Premium,” says Sayant. A classic clit suction toy, this funky-shaped babe uses something called “pleasure air technology” to create a sucking sensation. Use it on your (or your partner’s) clit for a sensation that feels shockingly similar to receiving head. Or, lube up the tip and hold it against nipples for some erotic nipple action.
Admittedly, the Womanizer Premium is a little on the pricey side. For a slightly less expensive option, check out Womanizer’s travel iteration: the Starlet.
This story originally appeared on Shape.com by Gabrielle Kassel.
