"The Bachelorette" Recap: Meet the Parents
Finally, we have arrived at the final stage of The Bachelorette: the hometown dates. It's a beloved episode, the time when the less camera-ready members of a contestant's family get their time to shine. Who could forgot Desiree's brother threatening Sean Lowe with bodily harm? Or Sean Lowe's father's weird pranks?
This season's hometowns kicked off with Nick, the frontrunner in his own mind and possibly Andi's, in Milwaukee. He took her to his "most favorite place in the city," the Milwaukee Public Market. It's basically a giant artisanal grocery story, so I very much approved of his favorite place. The cheeses alone, my god!
Distracted by the market, I didn't catch the next step, but somehow, they ended up in some kind of hall, polka dancing badly. "This is the first time that she can see me in my element," Nick intoned - and that element is weird. The next stop was his family's house where Andi and the audience faced a wall of white people, both literally and figuratively: a huge wall of family portraits stretched out before them and also Nick's giant family. He has … six siblings? Maybe eight? It was impossible to know. There were some parents in the mix too, as well as husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends.
Luckily, the producers only made us watch a few of them interact. Maria, a sister, chatted with Andi about whether or not she would break his heart (Andi's artful dodge: "There are unknowns in any relationship") before the real star emerged: BELLA. Bella, an adorable, gap-toothed 10-ish-year-old sister of Nick, read off from a list of questions. "What do you like most about my brother?" she asks. "Our mental connection," Andi said, demonstrating a command of courtroom speaking but an utter inability to talk to a kid. She then had to explain "mental connection" to Bella, who lolled around in her seat and mugged for the camera. (ABC, have you ever tested a kid version of The Bachelor? It would be AMAZING.)
OK, back to Nick. What else? He cried talking to his mom and then admitted, "I think I'm the favorite." We get it, Nick. You think you're the favorite. Their connection is strong but maybe a little stagnant. What do they have in common again?
Back to the Farm
Iowa is the next stop in Andi's Middle America tour. (See photo, above.) Chris's hometown is probably the most fraught, since, as a farmer, he has to actually live on or near his family's property, which is in the middle of nowhere. But Andi has priorities: "He looks hot." She gets a tour of his nice and not-very-rustic farmhouse and then they climb into the combine.
It's an interesting look at what translates as "farmer" these days. Chris probably spends most of his time looking at spreadsheets and managing sensor-driven equipment remotely, but for the cameras, sure, let's drive a combine around. Andi sits on his lap and drives the thing, and then they have a picnic in the middle of a flattened cornfield.
The trailers showed a cringe-inducing clip of Chris telling Andi that there would be great opportunities in housewife-ing should she move to Iowa but the actual conversation about their future was much more nuanced. Living in Iowa has been "somewhat of a dilemma" for Chris for his whole life - "I haven't followed the mold of a typical farmer." Most of their conversation revolved around her legal job prospects in nearby Cedar Rapids, not her future as a homemaker, and they both seemed willing to seriously entertain such a move.
However, their mature discussion of employment was interrupted with a sky-banner spelling out, "CHRIS LOVES ANDI." And then, off to meet his fam. It was another mass of white people, although fewer than Nick's crew. The operative word is "earthy," in a good way: Between making jokes about farting and ribbing Chris on his grade school underwear habits, they were warm and welcoming. Chris's sister Lori emphasized Chris's business acumen ("He's an entrepreneur … and he's really good at it") and his mom waxed poetic about her decision to raise kids on a farm ("If you've got gumption …") Then, they played a game of … hide and seek? And the family spied on Chris and Andi kissing in some kind of metal box? I dunno, Andi handled that part of the date much better than I would have.
But, overall, it felt like growth for Chris and Andi. Maybe too little, too late, but they are on an upswing and not just because Chris's mom made Bachelor history by telling Andi,"I love you."
Pro Day
Onto Josh. Andi meets him in his hometown (somewhere in Georgia?) with "strong feelings" and salmon short shorts. The tone is set early by Josh's choice of an afternoon activity: playing baseball. This guy is all about sports and, as we discover after they run around the bases, his family is too. Apparently, Josh's brother Aaron is about to be drafted in the NFL. Wait, did I mention that Aaron is going to be drafted in the NFL? No, seriously, Aaron is going to be drafted in the NFL.
This is pretty much how Andi experienced the day, and she was quite clear about the drawbacks of sports ruling a family's life. It's not totally clear why Josh left baseball, but it seemed that his brother's football career, even in high school, was his priority. When the two arrive at Josh's family's house and then sit down for dinner, it's almost like the cameras are rolling on a totally different show. Aaron has "big momentum" after a successful Pro Day. Andi rolls with it, but is nonplussed. In a separate conversation, Josh's mom suggests that it would "not be unreasonable" to expect Josh and the rest of the family to go to Aaron's games every week, no matter where they are. "I don't see the cord being cut," Mom said. "You're marrying the family," his dad added. His youngest sister, Stephanie, offered that the tension between sports and family will probably be something they fight about. Welcome to the rest of your life, Andi!
But I still feel that Andi is farther along in envisioning her life with Josh than with any one else. And she is a little scared of her feelings for him, which is not something you could say about Marcus, for example. (Getting to him next.) But then again, a tag football game capped off the day with the pro sports family. How much athletics can one person take?
Magic Marcus
OK, so The Bachelorette didn't save the best for last. I'm going to gloss over much of Marcus's date, because the beginning was so off-the-wall crazy that I refuse to take anything else seriously.
After telling us in a voiceover that Marcus wanted Andi to see how he lived in Dallas or something mundane like that (no, actually, he said something about "me showcasing her," which is even worse), the two go to what looks to be an office park. And in that office park, they sit in a padded booth of what looks to be a strip club. Why is Marcus popping champagne at an empty strip club at maybe 11 a.m.?
Oh, because, he has put on a naval officer's uniform and is taking off his clothes. In theory, he is reenacting their "first date," which was a group date to a male revue in L.A. (a great stunt by the producers), but in actuality, he is stripping to an empty room, save for a camera crew and Andi.
What would you do if a dude thought this was a fun and romantic thing to do before meeting his family for the first time?
Leave; I would leave. But Andi couldn't leave so I guess the answer is: smile and say things like, "I wish I had dollar bills," and side-eye the producers until it was all over.
Then, back in daylight and wearing a pastel outfit, Marcus took Andi to his family. As we had learned in previous episodes, this isn't one of those "my mother and father are my role models because they have been married 1,000 years and are still in love" stories. No, Marcus's dad abandoned the family and Marcus's mom abused them. But rather than cut out the mother altogether, we have to go meet her. After Marcus put on a show for Andi in an empty office park strip club.
The actual family time was uneventful. Marcus has a detachment about him: Even after he robotically proclaimed his love for Andi for the 20th time, it was hard to know what was behind his dead eyes. He started crying talking to his brother, but most other displays of emotion seemed canned. He wants to love and be loved. I'm not sure it's specific to Andi, though. She didn't convinced either.
Inside Chris Harrison's House
So, as all the trailers promised, the group would experience drama and emotion when confronted with the death of contestant Eric Hill. Even so, the next sequence was strange and jarring.
A chyron told us that the location was Chris Harrison's house, a venue never before seen. The remaining contestants - a scarved Marcus, Nick, Josh, and Chris - entered, googly-eyed. Chris Harrison told them that he had news but was waiting for Andi. Clearly, whatever is going to happen is not staged: The producers have decided to break news with the cameras rolling. In somber tones, Chris Harrison reveals what the audience already knows: Eric Hill died in a paragliding accident.
The group looks shocked and Andi starts crying. Then, the really odd thing happens: The producers put down the cameras and walk into the frame, hugging everyone. Andi, still mic'd, says something about how she can't believe that was her last conversation with him - an angry confrontation that led to him walking off the show. The cameras, placed in the living room, keep going the whole time.
My Bachelorette viewing room was divided on this spectacle. Some thought it was unforgivably distasteful. I personally was not offended: Was it somewhat tacky? Of course. It's The Bachelorette. And throughout the season, the producers decided to not excise Eric from the show, as awkward as some episodes have consequently been. To break the news with mics and cameras on is totally in keeping with that spirit. I can't imagine that Eric's family didn't see this footage and approve of it also, although who knows. But while I wasn't offended, I didn't think it was necessary to construct this scene - there was no payoff.
And the next night's rose ceremony was basically an afterthought. Andi, tasked with the unenviable job of showing the proper amount of emotion about a man she barely knew (and didn't get along with), cried. Then Marcus got sent home.
But next week … FANTASY SUITES. Right?
Top Five
JOSH: Even with the intensely sporting family, Andi called his name out first in the rose ceremony. He is familiar, solid, lives in Atlanta. The lowest-hanging fruit.
NICK: Her connection with Nick is still strong but not really … going anywhere. Nick is going to have to offer something more powerful than just makeout sessions because, let's be honest, they are dime a dozen for Andi at this point.
CHRIS HARRISON: When the going gets tough, whose house do you go to? Chris Harrison's. As he comforted Andi in the shadows during the rose ceremony, you could tell who was the real alpha male.
CHRIS: A dark horse, to be sure, but his stock rose considerably during the hometowns. As did the chances that he'll be eliminated soon and take his modern farmer stylings onto the next season of The Bachelor.
MARQUEL: I just miss him. Marquel, come back!
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Photo Credit: ABC
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