Babies inherit willpower from their parents? I don't fancy my children's chances...
Parenting a young child is like waging an interminable battle of wills with a despotic chipmunk. On the one hand, they are ever so cute to look at. On the other, they know their minds and are wont to issue orders at any time of day or night. So a new MIT study revealing babies develop willpower at the age of 15 months is surprising only because most new mums and dads will have noticed this happening far earlier. As the parent of a 17-month-old, I can attest that she has been digging in her heels on a wide range of issues for as long as I can remember.
The study also found that this quickly-acquired willpower is picked up from the child’s parents: that is, those adults who persist with difficult tasks are aped by their babies. Likewise, those who give up easily are also passing on this trait to theirs. Now, in adult life, willpower is obviously a good thing. It enables us to stick to diets, persist with our marathon training and learn Mandarin. So the fact that I have done none of the above bodes ill for my children.
Or does it? One can’t help but feel that most babies have greater willpower than any of their elders. Here are five ways the average baby regularly exercises its willpower by the age of 15 months.
1. The crying game
It takes enormous reserves of willpower to keep up the waterworks for as long as a baby does. A normal human would give up, defeated and tired out, after the first half hour of screaming had failed to yield the desired bottle/ice-cream/Peppa Pig episode. An exceptionally determined person might string it out for 45 minutes. My son’s record, before he was even 12 months old, was an excruciating four hours of crying, which he achieved the first night I attempted sleep-training. Of course, at the time I wanted to rip my own head off. But on reflection, I have to hand it to him: that record took commendable willpower on his part. “Never give up” is clearly his motto. He didn’t get that from me.
2. Whining and dining
“Eat the delicious broccoli and spinach puree Mummy has lovingly made 24 portions of, darling, and then you can have your biscuit...Go on, just one mouthful...Ok, half a mouthful then...Look, just taste it, ok? It took me ages to make this...Please?...You can watch that Peppa Pig episode again...You can - Ok, fine, eat the biscuit. I don’t care anymore.” They always win this one. With their incredible willpower, they can withstand hours of you begging, pleading, crying and beseeching them to eat the food you’ve made them. It’s not worth you persisting: they will persist for longer.
3. Sleep? Over
They’ve been up for what feels to you like days, but in reality is probably only six hours. Still, six hours is a heck of a long time in baby terms. You need sleep and they, surely, must need sleep too. Everyone needs sleep, so why don’t we all just go to sleep, sweetie? Wouldn’t that be nice? No. Not according to your baby. Yes they may be tired – exhausted even – but once they’ve set their mind to staying awake, there’s nothing you can do to throw them off course. Stroking, patting, singing, feeding, changing, re-feeding – all are in vain. Face it: when your baby wants to do an all-nighter, she’s going to make damn sure she doesn’t spoil things by nodding off.
4. Not sharing, not caring
Try introducing a shiny new toy and another child into your baby’s life. Your baby may have had a long, long go at holding the Fisher Price Dance and Move BeatBelle. It’s time to hand it over and let someone else have a turn. Or so a reasonable person might think - even one with a stronger than average attachment to the Dance and Move BeatBelle. But a baby, as we have established, is not a reasonable person. Your despotic chipmunk has the gift of superhuman willpower. She will clasp hold of that toy and never, ever let it go – until the other child has lost interest, and then she will instantly relinquish it and get on with her life.
5. Small talk
They are learning to form their first words around this age. But don’t even think about trying to influence which ones they learn first. They will have decided that “turtle” should take priority over “daddy”. “No” is always more useful than “yes”. And “sorry” will take about, ooh, 30 years for them to learn. It’s no good repeating “say dada” at them until you’re blue in the face. Their pleasure in firing back with “poo” will just be all the greater.
