Ask Scary Mommy: My Childless BFF Nags Me About Not Going Out Enough

Cassandra Stone

Ask Scary Mommy is Scary Mommy’s new advice column, where our team of “experts” answers all the questions you have about life, love, body image, friends, parenting, and anything else that’s confusing you.

This week… What do you do when your childless BFF constantly guilt trips you for not going out at night with her? Need some advice? Email

Dear Scary Mommy,

I have two kids under the age of four. My best friend, who doesn’t have any kids (and likely never will — totally her choice, which I support) is constantly nagging me to go out with her. At night. Every week. Weekends, weeknights, doesn’t matter.  She keeps telling me that my husband should be able to “handle the kids” and that I shouldn’t think twice about doing things for myself. The thing is, most of the time, I don’t WANT to go out. I’m tired, we’ve got a great routine going, and my husband is extremely capable and involved so that’s not an issue at all. Sure, my kids are little and prefer to have me there for bedtime but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I wasn’t there. Though my youngest is only 1, and still nursing at night. She just…doesn’t get it. How do I handle this? I love her dearly, but she’s stressing me out.

Friends with small children need support, period. I’m sorry she’s adding stress to your life and your friendship when I’m sure you’re already tapped out in that area due to motherhood and, well, *gestures widely at everything on fire.* I’m glad you recognize that your guilt doesn’t stem from going out in general, but from your friend constantly harping on you to go to happy hour.

The broader picture here is that childless people won’t ever understand what it’s like to have children. That’s not a judgment of their character or ability to empathize — it’s a fact based on lived experience. I’m sure she loves you, loves your kids, loves your whole family very much. But she won’t ever “get it” fully. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is that she’s pushing boundaries by pushing you about your social life.

Explain to your BFF that you love her and you love hanging out with her, and sometimes a night out is just what you both need. But she needs to know that often, at the end of a very long day of parenting, the last thing you feel like doing is putting on a real bra, real pants, makeup, and leaving your couch. And for nursing moms, going out longer than a couple of hours can feel even more difficult.

Find a happy medium. Make semi-regular plans that include her coming over and hanging out with you — on the couch with Netflix queued up or sitting on your front porch with a glass of wine. Go to her house too — no need for makeup or bras there, either. Tell her that if she wants to hang out with you while you’ve got two small kiddos, making it easier for you to accomplish that is what you need right now. And you need your friend, too. We all do.

Have your own question? Email

See the original article on

More From

  • South Korea Closed Schools Again Just Days After Reopening

    South Korea delayed planned reopenings and closed hundreds of newly reopened schools amid a spike in coronavirus cases As the entire world grapples with the question of when and how to reopen schools safely, many countries have been looking to places like South Korea, which has been successful at containing the coronavirus, as an example []

  • Your Kids Will Love Seeing Behind-The-Scenes Video From ‘Floor Is Lava’

    All the questions you had while binge watching Netflix’s The Floor Is Lava? They’re about to be answered One of our favorite things to come out of quarantine was all the Netflix content that people just couldn’t stop talking about, including the streaming service’s fast-paced new reality competition show, The Floor Is Lava. But while we binged []

  • NYC Just Had Its First Day With No COVID-19 Deaths Since March

    New York was once the epicenter of the coronavirus in the U.S. Now, it registered its first day since March with zero deaths from COVID-19 As the coronavirus pandemic picks up speed across much of the U.S., New York stands as a beacon of hope for what we can accomplish with a coordinated approach to []