Antonio Brown Sets His Sights on His Next Victim: The Baltimore Ravens

·2 min read
Photo:  Elsa (Getty Images)
Photo: Elsa (Getty Images)

NFL receiver Antonio Brown, who we last saw impersonating Magic Mike during his contentious divorce with the Tampa Bay Bucs earlier this month, is a bit conflicted.

After expressing remorse over his inimical exit from the franchise—“It probably wasn’t necessary or professional” were his words, not mine—the 33-year-old then proceeded to do something that wasn’t necessary or professional after his former team caught the wrath of Los Angeles Rams quarterback Matt Stafford on Sunday:

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OK, then.

Despite his penchant for hurling Molotov cocktails at every bridge known to man, he’s still a transcendent talent who unquestionably possesses Hall of Fame pedigree. And when you’re that good at catching footballs for a living—he has over 12,000 career receiving yards and counting—there’s always someone willing to ignore your previous transgressions—even if they include being seen in public next to Kanye’s hideous rain boots.

To that end, during a recent appearance on the popular I Am Athlete podcast, the seven-time Pro Bowler revealed his next /victim/ destination should the stars align: The Baltimore Ravens.

“Lamar Jackson,” Brown said of the next quarterback he’d love nothing more than to backstab and torment. “Action Jackson. Let’s give Lamar Jackson his flowers.”

But instead of screaming in horror and begging the FBI to help him change his name and identity, Jackson, who at this point should know better, welcomed the former Pittsburgh Steeler’s impromptu overture:

Sadly, as much as I wish Jackson’s Twitter account was hacked, or maybe that his braids were too tight, I know better. Why? Because this is the same dude who openly campaigned to play with the polarizing receiver even after he was booted from the New England Patriots due to accusations of sexual violence and intimidation. (He’s since gone on to wreck security cameras and obtain fake COVID-19 vaccine cards, but I ain’t one to gossip, so you ain’t hear that from me.)

“I’d be happy if they signed him,” Jackson told the Baltimore Sun in 2020 after a video surfaced of him working out with Brown. “He’s a great player. He showed it each and every year he was with the Steelers in the past. But you know, it’s not my decision.”

Thank God it’s not.

And hopefully, Eric DeCosta, executive vice president and general manager for the Ravens, isn’t stupid enough to waste one of his three wishes from the genie in Aladdin’s lamp on the same thing.

Yes, Baltimore’s 8-9 record this season—a byproduct of a six-game losing streak that was brought on by an endless deluge of catastrophic injuries—was a disappointment. But a move this undeniably stupid ain’t the antidote.

Run.