Your dreams are controlled by your subconscious, seemingly floating somewhere out of your control, but what does it mean when the majority of people are having the same dream? Sex dreams are common and show just how creative your subconscious can get when left to its own devices. According to a recent survey, a majority of men have had the same sex dream: 92 percent have dreamed of having sex with an ex. To learn why men tend to have this dream frequently, read on, and to find out which guys keep the busiest, Men With These 3 Personality Traits Have the Most Sex, Study Shows.
The survey, published on Oct. 28, sought to find the most common sex dreams among men and women. While 92 percent of men dreamed of sex with an ex, only 54 percent of women said the same. The most common sex dream among women (75 percent) entailed sex with a friend. The second-most frequently reported sex dream for women was sex with a co-worker.
Many people heard from their exes during lockdown, which may have led to a subtle spike in dreams involving past lovers. "When the future looks uncertain, thoughts of the past and the familiar are comforting, so it's only natural to think or dream of your ex," says sex educator, sex and love coach, and writer Suzannah Weiss. Experts agree that a dream about sex with your ex doesn't necessarily mean one thing.
"An ex can show up in a sex dream for many reasons," says Weiss. "It could just be a result of being sex-starved in general and missing that comfortable, familiar connection. It could mean you have some unresolved feelings from the breakup—maybe you're still pondering what went wrong and what you'd do differently in the future, or maybe you feel like there wasn't closure."
According to psychologist and sex and intimacy coach Lori Beth Bisbey, PhD, people in dreams often represent a composite. "For example, in a dream, your ex may represent all of the women you have desired but couldn't have," she notes. "When you have a sex dream about your ex, it may mean you are missing that particular time period in your life, or if you are single, you miss having a person in your life with whom you have regular sex."
Bisbey also points out that it's common to compare your current relationship to previous ones. Your sex dreams about your ex could mean you're missing some of the aspects of your old relationship or that you need to "add some spice to your current relationship," she adds.
While dreams about sex with your ex are mostly harmless, for some people they may be a sign of something deeper. "A sex dream about an ex is definitely not a blanket 'sign,' but it is possible it could be for certain men," says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, PhD. "Even if a man has no desire to get back together with his ex, he may miss the intimacy they shared."
Melancon suggests focusing on "the emotions felt in the dream and any symbols present" rather than the storyline. "Emotions and symbols may reveal a deeper subconscious meaning if one is indeed present," she says. Take a moment to examine what you can remember about your dream and see if you can uncover any hidden meaning or feelings you might have buried.
Keep reading to see the top four runner-ups for the most common sex dreams among men. And if you're wondering how often people are putting on a show in bed, This Is How Often Your Partner Is Faking It, Research Shows.
Sex dream where something goes embarrassingly wrong
According to the survey, 76 percent of men have had this dream.
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The survey says 72 percent of men have had this dream.
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Sex with a celebrity
Per the survey, 68 celebrity percent of men have had this dream.
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According to the survey, 59 percent of men have had this dream.
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