The 9 Most Ridiculous Things I've Learned About Prince Harry In His Memoir... Against My Will

Prince Harry's memoir Spare comes out next week!

A flyer advertising the book in a store window
Leon Neal / Getty Images

And everyone online has been bombarded with wild (and completely unnecessary) details about his life.

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So, let's take a look at them! Because if I had to see them, then you do too!

1.Harry had a frostbitten penis at William and Kate's wedding.

Prince Harry and Kate's sister Pippa standing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace after the wedding

Yep, a frostbitten dick. Page Six reports Harry got the penisbite on a charity trip with Will. He tried to use Elizabeth Arden cream to fix it, but that didn't work.

John Stillwell / POOL WPA/AFP via Getty Images

2.On that same note, Harry calls his penis a "todger."

In the book, Harry uses the word

In the book, Harry uses the word "todger" to describe his frostbitten dick. “While the ears and cheeks were already healing, the todger wasn’t. It was becoming more of an issue by the day,” he said.

Ben Stansall / AFP via Getty Images

3.And one more penis thing: We learned that Harry is circumcised.

Page Six reports that in the book, Harry says the general public was really invested in knowing whether or not he and William were circumcised. Harry thankfully (��‍��) confirmed,

Page Six reports that in the book, Harry says the general public was really invested in knowing whether or not he and William were circumcised. Harry thankfully (😵‍💫) confirmed, "I was snipped as a baby.”

Max Mumby / Getty Images

4.Harry lost his virginity to an older woman behind a pub, and the woman treated him like a "young stallion."

He described his ~first time~ as  (via The Telegraph): “a(n) humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion.

He described his ~first time~ as (via The Telegraph): “a(n) humiliating episode with an older woman who liked macho horses and who treated me like a young stallion."

Max Mumby / Getty Images

5.Harry did mushrooms at Courteney Cox's house.

Courtney Cox at a red carpet event

He was at Courteney Cox's house for some reason and spotted some mushroom chocolates. He took them and a trash can came to life. He said (via US Weekly), "I stepped on the pedal and the head opened its mouth."

Amy Sussman / Getty Images for Deadline Hollywood

6.William was really pissed that Harry had a beard for his own wedding. Facial hair is apparently a real point of contention between the two.

Prince Harry and Meghan waving to the crowd as they ride in a carriage after their wedding

Harry had to go to his grandmother to get permission to keep his beard for his own wedding. She agreed, but Will was very upset. "He wouldn’t let it go,” Harry said (via US Weekly). Apparently, he was jealous that Harry got to keep his beard because he wasn't allowed to when he arrived back from military duty: "He hated the idea of me enjoying a perk he’d been denied."

Aaron Chown / AFP via Getty Images

7.Harry called William's hair loss "alarming."

Page Six says Will's baldness comes up throughout the book and Harry  describes it as

Page Six says Will's baldness comes up throughout the book and Harry describes it as "alarming." He also says William's hair loss is “more advanced than mine."

Wpa Pool / Getty Images

8.William and Kate are huge fan of Suits — like, they freaked out when they found out Harry was dating someone from the show.

A promo photo of the cast of Suits

Harry said William and Kate were completely fanning out when they found out Harry was dating someone from Suits. Harry wrote (via US Weekly): "She's an actress. 'Oh?' She's American. 'Oh.' On a show called Suits. Their mouths fell open. They turned to each other. Then Willy turned to me and said: 'Fuck off?'"

Usa Network / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images

9.And last but not least, Prince Harry calls William "Willy" and Prince William calls Harry "Harold," even though his name is Henry.

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