These are things that I know to be true. There is a film in the works called 80 For Brady, which follows four women in their 80s as they go on a road trip for see Tom Brady in Super Bowl LI. Those four women are played by Academy Award winners Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno, and Sally Field. (Also, inexplicably, Guy Fieri, is a member of the cast.) This film will premiere theaters on February 3, 2023. 80 For Brady's first trailer, which debuted Thursday morning, took me on a journey that left me questioning my very existence, asking a very specific list of queries.
You can watch this strange and somewhat threatening series of images below—and join me afterward, in communion, to figure out where humanity goes from here.
When we all went into lockdown in March 2020, did I fall sleep and suffer from an extended pandemic dream (it's a real thing!) that is finally crescendoing with the 80 For Brady trailer?
No matter what I'm about to ask here, will the fact that Tomlin, Fonda, Moreno, and Field are in 80 For Brady stop me from loving it? (The answer is no.)
Why is the Rob Gronkowski erotica gag so funny? WHY!
One more about that book: Kristen Stewart, is that you?!
OK, this is not a question: Lily Tomlin dab. Lily Tomlin dab!
Who is the human who had to superimpose Guy Fieri's head on top of six different bodies, including Rita Moreno's, and why aren't they making more money than Tom Brady's base salary for the Bucs?
When is the Gronk and Fonda rom-com spinoff hitting theaters?
Can we get details about when, exactly, Tommy Braids agreed to all of this? Was this a kneejerk decision during his 48 hours of retirement?
How does everything Sally Field say in this preview genuinely make me want to weep?
How will the world react when Fonda, Moreno, Field, and Tomlin make up four of the five Best Actress slots at the 2024 Academy Awards?
Is releasing this film on February 3—about a week before the Super Bowl—the most inexcusable fit of Tom Brady bravado we've ever seen?
Where can I buy those bejeweled-looking football jerseys?
Will there be a Tom Brady MAGA hat zinger anywhere in 80 For Brady?
Can we get a live, televised version of the Spicy BBQ Hot Wings challenge, where Sally Field actually goes full Hot Ones?
If I die from acute heart failure within the hour, will you, reader, bury me in Flavortown and tell Guy Fieri that he did this to me?
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