Man, I Honestly Feel Sorry For These 50 People Who Had A Really, Really Bad Month

·7 min read

1. The person whose truck got a fresh new coat of bird-poop white paint:

2. The person who was seconds away from being devoured by an escalator:

3. The guy with the best seat in the house:

What's my man about to watch? Pole Side Story? Everything Everywhere All at a Pole? Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Big Pole? My goodness!

4. The person whose car should be the starting center fielder for the New York Yankees:

5. The person who gave their AirPod a nice, cool, fresh coat of paint:

6. The person who is gonna be eating some good old-fashioned, deep-fried floor tonight:

7. The person who had a peacock invade their dang domicile:

8. The person who is about to engage in a battle of epic proportions:

It's on.

9. The person who now must spend the rest of their natural life forever picking up Mommy's beads:

10. The person who gets absolutely lasered by the sun every single morning:

11. The person whose wedding gift...turned into a wedding nightmare:

A dookiemare, if you will.

12. The person with the chocolatiest luggage around:

13. The person who cooked their iPhone juuuuust right:

14. The person who apparently asked Wolverine to do their dishes:

15. The person who is faced with Schrödinger's can:

16. The person whose seat neighbor just wanted to say, the hell with their stinky-ass feet:

17. The person whose bag wanted to get a couple of extra minutes of that sweet vitamin D:

18. The person who was kind enough to share their bowl of jam with some friendly bees:

19. The person who is probably about to live a real-world "mission impossible":

20. The person whose fridge door woke up one day and said, "No more":

21. The person who is about to learn the true meaning of desperation:

22. Ol' Tiny Gloves:

23. The person who ordered their pizza scrambled:

24. The person whose dishwasher-safe water bottle now belongs in a modern-art museum:

25. The person whose bedroom ceiling didn't just collapse — it ERUPTED:

26. The person whose car was literally felled by a dang wrench. A WRENCH!

27. The old chap with the minty-fresh nards:

28. The person who got a little extra surprise with their cheese:

Ummm, jealous!

29. The person who just might have the worst avocado luck in the world:

30. The person whose phone has been a naughty little device:

31. The person with quite possibly the worst watermelon luck in existence:

32. The person who likes their coffee extra eggy:

33. The person whose plumber apparently summoned the infernal demon Gorkinog the Cursed straight to their bathtub:

34. The person whose gonna be eatin' some good old-fashioned BBQ cardboard box tonight:

35. The person who blue themselves:

36. The person who hiked hours to see the most majestic waterfalls known to humankind:

37. The person who gave their AirPod a thorough cleaning:

38. The person who apparently did something very serious to upset the entire city of Cleveland:

39. The person who just got the road absolutely hammered:

40. The person whose grandmama miiiiiight have left the croutons in a bit too long:

41. The person whose sauce had a little special extra treat all for them:

42. The person whose phone got more destroyed than any phone has ever been destroyed:

43. The person who had the most beautiful picture taken of them:

44. The person whose roommate sleeps with the dang Bat Signal as a night-light:

45. The person who seems to have angered Petbe, Egyptian god of revenge, in their quest to do good for the world:

Gonna need to make a call to Sekhmet after this one, folks!

46. The person who, saint preserve us, had this happen to them:

47. The person whose home now belongs to the Wasps:

48. The person who fought valiantly and lost to the world's strongest lasagna:

49. The person who got cheesed by a dang nincompoop:

It happens, man.

50. And the person who lost the cookie lottery:

Sad state of affairs.