Bienvenue! Francophiles, welcome! Are you obsessed with all things France? Have you had a visit to Paris on your bucket list forever and ever — or at least since Carrie and Mr. Big strolled the Seine in the Sex And The City finale? Do you dream of swinging on giant bells like a character from The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Or are you just here for some A-plus cheese jokes and baguette puns for an Instagram post of your brunch? Whatever it is, welcome! Known for its fashion, literature, cuisine, stunning world-renown cultural sites, and an affinity for silent letters, it’s no wonder France is the most visited country in the world. Need some more fun facts to whet your appétit? Did you know there are 400 types of cheese made in France? Or that French was quite literally the original lingua franca? Or that rats don’t actually run the back of the kitchen like they do in Ratatouille? C’est incroyable!
Vive la France! That’s what you’ll say after you dive into this hilarious list of French jokes and puns about Paris, baguettes, and all the fromage we have pooled together just for you. Voila!
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory…
all that was left was De Brie.
A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation? German: No, no, no, just visiting.
What do french fries do when they meet?
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
I asked a French man if he played video games.
He said, “Wii!”
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
What do French ducks say?
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over?
The I Fell Tower!
What do you call your angry French aunt.
Why are the best-used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a French fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.
Mrs. Potato said: ¨I see you eye-balling that French girl!¨
How many gears does a French tank have?
Seven. One forward and six reverse.
What’s the shortest French book ever written?
The Complete List Of French War Heroes.
Where does a French cat live?
What did the baguette say when it was being sliced?
Ouch! Le pain!
Don’t eat the French fish.
What did the haunted pancake restaurant serve?
Why do the French only serve one egg in their omelets?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
Are you from Paris?
Because you’re driving me in-Seine.
How many soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows, it’s never been tried.
My eyes are in New York. My brain is in Stockholm. My heart is in Paris. What am I?
What do you call The Hunger Games in Paris?
Battle Royale with cheese.
What happens when you drink too much water in Paris?
When I was in Paris I had a terrible accident.
Eiffel off a tower.
I went to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.
It was a regular French roast.
What’s the difference between a tick, and the Eiffel tower?
Well nothing, after all, they are both Paris sites.
I was surprised when I heard about the flooding in Paris.
Normally, the water is l’eau.
How did the Paris police find Quasimodo?
They followed a hunch.
What do frogs eat in Paris?
Did you hear about the small chicken that lived in a Parisian opera house?
It was called the bantam of the opera.
A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts. “This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six… “
“What happened to 5?” he was asked.
“Cinq,” he answred.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
I’m feeling very France-y today.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
France is always a beret good time.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
Summer in France is st-Eifel-ing.
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican.
It’s impossible to Rouen a trip to France.
I Musee, the French have great taste in art.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
France – it’s just a oui bit different.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera.
You better baguette about it.
I hate to leave, but it’s time for me to escargot.