The 50 Best "Parks And Recreation" Quotes Of All Time
Parks and Recreation has grown to become one of the most beloved and quotable sitcoms in television history.
You've probably seen or heard a line from this show on the internet at least once, and this serves as a testament to its excellence and long-lasting impact. And so, here are the top 50 quotes From Parks and Recreation.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!
50."I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions." —April
Simple yet elegant.
49."When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is." —Andy
At least he's being honest.
48."If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party." —Ron
Sounds like a good time, really. For someone as introverted as Ron, just having a big meal with a few of his friends would be paradise.
47."Call an ambulance! A different ambulance! The one I ran into!" —Andy
Only Andy could hurt himself by running into an ambulance. After he and April try to dine and dash on their outstanding hospital bill, he gets into another accident that screams karma. On top of that, this moment is elevated to higher levels of hilarity with this outstanding line.
46."Windows are the eyes to the house." —Andy
The way this man's brain functions is just baffling.
45."I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm." —Ron
Ron will do anything to prevent any government project from getting done, and he sure does love crushing the dreams of those working on them.
44."There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk." —Ron
To Ron Swanson, any health food is an abomination.
43."When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life." —Andy
A hilarious spin on an old classic.
42."Is Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy?" —Ron
He's thinking of Harry Potter, but yes. Kind of.
41."Ron and Diane, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. Did you hear that bird?" —Andy
That was probably Cupid flying over Ron and Diane. What a perfect couple!
40."When I was a baby, my head was so big, scientists did experiments on me." —Andy
And as the rest of him grew, somehow, his head got smaller.
39."[Cats and dogs] should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people." —April
We knew April was a kind and caring soul deep down, and we get to see this side of her when Leslie adopts a bunch of animals from the animal shelter. No matter what you think of her, we can probably agree that cats and dogs are so much better than people.
38."I was born ready. I'm Ron f%$king Swanson." —Ron (of course)
Even when he has a hernia and is confined to a chair, Ron is a force to be reckoned with.
37."Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love." —Leslie
She couldn't be more wrong, but you gotta love her optimism.
36."I have several men in rotation. One's waiting for me in the car. Don't worry, I rolled the window down for him." —Donna
Donna Meagle is a woman of many pleasures, and she has no problem sharing them with others. Though she finally decides to settle down in Season 7, she spends a lot of time striking up romances with multiple men, and she is not ashamed of it. Say what you will about her, but it is very refreshing to see a woman have this much confidence and openness with her sexuality and love life.
35."If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?" —Ron
Even after his two disastrous marriages with two she-demons named Tammy, it's amazing to hear that Ron would still choose to marry once again. Fortunately, he does find his true love in Season 5, and it's to the Warrior Princess Xena, of all people.
34."Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace." —Ron
A true gentleman with simple tastes.
33."I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything." —Andy
And amazingly, Andy's a father now.
32."I found a sandwich in one of your parks, and I want to know why it didn't have mayonnaise!" —Random Pawnee citizen
There is something seriously wrong with the people of Pawnee. Maybe all that pollution from the Sweetums factory is killing their brain cells. Whatever it is, we always enjoy this town's citizens complaining about the most ridiculous things.
31."We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third." —Leslie
This quote perfectly encapsulates Leslie's kind and lively character. She works hard, she is willing to do whatever it takes to help her friends, and she is a massive foodie. But no matter which one is first, we'd all prefer friends or waffles over work any day. Hey, why can't it be both?
30."I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never speak sometimes." —Ron
Friendship goals, right there.
29."Farts and poop and love and stuff. Macaroni salad." —Andy
When Andy comes up with a new song, it's always a hit with the audience. But when the group gets drunk on Snake Juice, Andy comes up with a song so hilariously nonsensical, you can't help but laugh. It's like watching the Beatles come up with "I Am the Walrus."
28."I'm like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it's like, okay, he's in there." —Tom
Tom is a tiny man with a big ego, and this line sums up how highly he sees himself. Even if all his swagger is just an act, you gotta admire his confidence. You also gotta wonder what's in Snake Juice.
27."Bababooey." —Ben
Seriously, what the heck is in Snake Juice?
26."I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American." —Ron
Living the American dream.
25."I just slept seven hours, which is twice as long as I usually sleep, so I'm a little disoriented." —Leslie
Leslie Knope is like a coked-up Girl Scout. She's cheery and energetic and will work day and night to make the world a better place, no matter how much it annoys you. This line perfectly sums up the busy lifestyle that she lives and how much she sacrifices to do her job.
24."I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it well." —Andy
Hey, we're all figuring things out as we go along. That's the beautiful thing about life.
23."My name is Burt Macklin. I'm with the f@#king FBI." —Andy
Oh, if only that were true, Andy. When Leslie has troublemaker Greg Pikitis holed up for vandalism, Andy goes in to try to get him to confess. The way he enters by throwing a coffee mug against the wall is flat-out hilarious, but the introduction of his alter ego will forever go down as one of the greatest entrances in history.
22."All my favorite foods have butter on them. Pancakes, toast, popcorn, grapes *GASP*...butter is my favorite food." —Andy
It's always hilarious to see Andy have an epiphany. You also have to wonder what grapes and butter tastes like.
21."Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems." —Andy
This was a landmark episode for the show in both heart and comedy. When Pawnee is hit with a flu outbreak, everyone has to deal with it in their own way. Unfortunately, Leslie gets sick and is forced to go to the hospital, and of course, Andy is no help at all. At least he's trying, right?
20."I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushi, I barf." —Andy
Can't blame a guy for trying.
19.Ann: "You made me watch all eight Harry Potter movies. I don't even like Harry Potter!" Leslie: "That's insane! You love Harry Potter! You've seen all eight movies!"
Reality just does not apply to Leslie.
18."They're old people. They eat, they sleep, they complain. Oh my god, I wanna be an old person." —Andy
We all do, Andy. We all do.
17."Messy is fun, okay? My whole life is a giant mess, and I love it." —Andy
Wise words from Princess Rainbow Sparkle.
16."Oh, I have a medical condition, alright. It's called CARING TOO MUCH! And it's INCURABLE!" —Craig
You just gotta love Billy Eichner in this show.
15."Stop…pooping!" —Chris
When Chris gets the flu, his entire body crumbles like a graham cracker. He loses his grip on reality, he gets overly affectionate with the floor, and stuff just keeps coming out of his body. Thank god it wasn't the turtle flu.
14."Yesterday, if you would have asked me, I would have said no, but thank god my grandfather just died, so I am aflushed with cash!" —Jean-Ralphio
Jean-Ralphio is the WOOORRRRSSSST, and that's why we love him.
13."What religion am I? Well, I'm a practicing none of your [bleep] business." —Ron
Ron is a private man, and this line perfectly captures this part of his character. In a world filled with people asking you questions and invading your privacy, it feels good to watch someone take a stand and say what needs to be said.
12."A smooth and silky evening to you all. On nights like this, when the cold winds blow, and the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dreams, come with me and find safe haven…in a warm bathtub full of my jazz." —Duke Silver
Oh my.
11."What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?" —Ron
Quite a lot to say about your ex-wife, especially when the two of them are still married in real life.
10."One time my refrigerator stopped working; I didn't know what to do. I just moved." —Tom
This line explains how millennials solve problems in a nutshell.
9."Have you guys seen Hitler?" —Andy/Burt Macklin
This line is good even without context.
8."Do you think a depressed person could make this?" —Ben
Technically, anyone could. But yes, Ben. You are massively depressed.
7."A game is the foot." —Andy
Seriously, Chris Pratt should do a detective film next. Elementary, my dear Swanson.
6."Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?" —Ann
We've all felt this way. In a country where most people worry about diet and exercise, it feels good to hear Ann say what we're all thinking.
5."There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food." —Ron
So true.
4."Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless." —Ron
After Joan Callamezzo passes out from a bad hangover, Ron takes over her talk show to promote a gala for Leslie. He spends a lot of time answering questions from callers in a way that only he can. The studio keeps him on the air for so long that it even changes the name of the show to You're On With Ron. Honestly, it would be awesome if Ron would spin off and have an actual talk show.
3."Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What I said was, 'Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.' Do you understand?" —Ron
When Ron is hungry, he is an unstoppable eating machine.
2."Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing." —Ron
When Leslie refuses to take a sabbatical to focus on her campaign for a position on the Pawnee Council, she also tries to tackle planning Jerry's 64th birthday party. As you'd expect, it all ends in disaster, and Ron finally persuades her to take a sabbatical (sort of) by recounting a story from his youth, capping it off with this important life lesson.
1."Treat yo'self." —Tom and Donna
Definitely words to live by. In this classic episode, Tom and Donna go on an all-out shopping spree, and they drag Ben along to make him feel better after breaking up with Leslie. The message in this line is simple and clear: We should all let ourselves be happy and do what makes us feel good once in a while, and it is by far the show's most memorable line. #TreatYoSelf
