Arguably Nick's 50 Funniest Moments On "New Girl," Ranked

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50.The surfboard.

Nick says, Id trust Beyoncé with my life, flashback to him singing, Ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard, bringing on that wood, oh baby, bringing on that wood, and back in the present Nick says, We be all night, we be all night
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49.The time Jess wants to prove that she and Nick are just as into each other as Schmidt and her sister are.

Jess says, "Babe, you have some powdered sugar on your—" and Nick says, "Back off, I'm starving," Jess says, "Come on, just let me get it off, it's so much," and Nick says, "Get your own French toast, Jess"
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48.The regret.

Nick says, "Do I regret it? Yes, would I do it again? Probably"
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47.The response to an insult.

Reagan says, I hope that the Chicago Cubs win the World Series while you are in a coma, and Nick says, Thats one of the meanest things anybody has ever said to me
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46.The lightning hypothesis.

Dorado says, "Excuse me, please consider moving, I have no idea why you live with these people, what kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket," and Nick says, "I thought it would make lightning"
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45.The climb onto a ledge so he won't have to kiss Jess.

Nick is on the outside of a window ledge and yells, "Help me, I've made a very bad mistake"
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44.The tap shoes.

Schmidt asks, "Are you wearing tap shoes?" and Nick says, "I got them at the Goodwill, I thought they were just really shiny dress shoes"
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43.The drunk attempt to get out of Russell's car.

Nick slowly jumps out of a car headfirst
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42.The reading level.

Nick says, "I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words"
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41.The post office.

Nick says, "Okay, you want the truth? I will tell you everything: When I was 13 years old, I once made love to myself behind a post office"
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40.The phone plan.

Nick says, "I bought 10,000 minutes in 1999 and I'm still using them"
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39.The reaction to Russell's house.

Nick says, Somethings happening to me, I want to sit at that desk and veto a law, Jess says, What are you doing, its someone elses stuff, and he says, When I put my hand on this desk, I feel sexually proficient for the first time in my life
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38.The inability to lie.

Nick: "I can't see it, I can't see where it goes, 'cause then when she comes in here, I will just yell 'trash,' I will yell 'trash'; Jess: "Cover your ears and sing 'Landslide,'" so Nick covers his ears and sings, "I took my love and I took it down"
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37.The reason Nick doesn't wash a towel.

Schmidt says, "Do you even wash it?" and Nick says, "No, I don't wash the towel, the towel washes me, who washes a towel?"
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36.The reason to move to LA.

Nick says, "One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles was to get closer to whales so I can record them"
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35.The response to meeting Prince.

While Jess is yelling in excitement, Nick is stone-faced, then he screams, then he passes out
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34.The Daily Show.

Nick says, "I prefer the Kilborn 'Daily Show,' I think it's the best one"
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33.The beginning of Nick and Coach's tandem bike ride.

While Coach rides away on the front half of a tandem bike, Nick screams "I'm not on, I'm not on, I'm not on"
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32.The lotion.

Nick says, "They should make more foot lotion for your hand, foot lotion hand"
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31.The flirting.

Reagan says, "Looking forward to sex later," Winston says, "Well, that makes three of that makes two of us," and Nick says, "Well, get ready for the skin circus, you little peanut"
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30.The 16th year.

Nick says, "My 16th year, I never got an erection, I thought they were done, I thought my penis was dead, it wasn't"
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29.The noodles.

Nick takes noodles out of Russells bowl and Jess says, "Nick, don't eat his noodles," to which Nick says, "Yeah, but we're bowl brothers now"
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28.The absinthe.

Nick says, "You want to know what I'm thinking? I like dogs more than cats, I like chipmunks more than squirrels, I believe in UFOs, I had a bass teacher who did the standing bass who had a weird smell; I still think about it — his name was Mister Hilton"
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27.Including the compliment to Dr. Sam.

Nick says, "Doctor Sam, if you were a hat, you'd be a top hat, but, like, a really big Monopoly one, and I say that of the deepest compliments"
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26.The forgotten word.

Nick says, "I'm very quick on my, uh," he thinks, and Schmidt says, "Did you just forget the word 'feet'?"
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25.The prank to make Schmidt think he's become an old man.

Schmidt stands below his height marks on the wall and says, "I'm freaking shrinking"; Nick whispers to Jess, "I took a photo of the wall, shrunk it down, made a copy at an architect's office; from there it was a basic spackle-and-silkscreen job"
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24.The source of the clanging.

Dorado says, "What's all that clanging?" and Nick says, "Oh, it's just a bunch of clanging"
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23.The "Landslide" remix.

Nick sings, "I took my love and I took it down, I drove around and I hit a pound, and I saw all the puppies with their eyes so blind"
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22.The cherries.

Nick says, "Jess, have you seen, uh, uh, cherries?" and Jess says, "I'm so confused by your question that I'm just gonna answer it, uh, directly: Yes, I've seen them"
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21.The pull door.

Nick says, "I will push if I wanna push," and then when he can't get the door open, he yells, "I hate doooors!"
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20.The bike.

Nick says, "You don't forget how to be a lawyer, it's like riding a bike"; flashback to him unable to ride and bike and he says, "They've changed these," then Nick says, "Fine, I forgot how to ride a bike"
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19.The totally legitimate reason for all the noise.

Schmidt says, Its probably the ladies playing with their jewelry, Nick says, And their brooches, and Schmidt says, You know how the, brooches, of course, Nick makes a very good point
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18.The Ernest Hemingway facts.

17.The sleep attire.

Nick wearing a shirt so long it's a dress says, "It keeps the top really warm and lets my bottom breathe"
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16.The Eddie Murphy impression.

15.The sauce.

Winston asks, "You put bologna in your Bolognese?" and Nick says, "Where else would it get its name?" "Trick question! It gets it from the mayonnaise"
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14.The first time Nick meets Tran.

13.The cooking skills.

Nick says, "These knives are a part of me, like that, uh, scissorhand guy, what is his name again? Is it Rick Snip?"
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12.The cereal flakes experiment.

Nick says, When I was 9, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died, then I fed cereal flakes to all little animals, squirrels can live through it, chipmunks can live, anything that lives half in and out of water dies and I dont understand why
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11.The lesson in Twilight.

10.The way a panicking Nick asks someone if they want a grape.

Nick says, Would you like a green grape shoved in your, given to your mouth, handed to your mouth
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9.The idea of sexy.

Jess asks, "You want my purses to be covered in gemstones?" and Nick says, "All guys do, that's what we think is sexy, we want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a miniskirt with a purse with gems, but you girls don't listen"
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8.The yarn.

Nick picks up a huge spool of yarn and says, "What is this?" Jess says, "Yarn" and Nick says, "What are you knitting, a mansion?!"
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7.The cookie meltdown.

Nick says, You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie, you gave me a cookie, gave you cookie, gave me cookie, got you cookie, you gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man, gave me cookie, got you cookie
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6.The Julius Pepperwood disguise.

Nick, as Julius Pepperwood, says, "How you guys doing? I'm Julius Pepperwood, I'm an ex-cop, ex-Marine, I'm here to learn how to write short fiction; I'm from Chicago; thin-crust pizza? No, thank you, I'm from Chicago"
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5.The panic moonwalk.

Jess says to Nick, "Do not moonwalk away from me," and as he moonwalks away from her, she says, "Do not, you are not — you're doing it"
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4.The names of Nick's testicles.

Winston says, "You've named your testicles, and they're both named Sharon," and Nick says, "Yeah, so what?"
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3.The popcorn machine misunderstanding.

2.The lemon.

Nick says, "When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth"
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1.And finally, the song that gets Nick pumped.

In a car, Nick fist-bumps and mimes the fiddle in "Cotton Eyed Joe," and Jess says, "Why did you need me for this, Nick?"
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Agree with my ranking? Disagree? Let me know in the comments.