4 Things Introverts Want Extroverts to Stop Doing
Spoiler alert: Introverts and extroverts are fundamentally very different people. But that doesn’t mean they can’t coexist in perfect (sometimes silent) harmony. So we polled some introverts to find out, straight from the source, the things extroverts do that really annoy them. Here’s what they told us.
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1. Dismissing Them
OK, we’re not telling all extroverts to embark on a doctoral-level study of introversion, but it helps to know where your quieter counterparts are coming from. A cheat sheet: Introverts usually prefer to be alone or in small groups, they think—a lot—before they speak and just because they’re being quiet doesn’t mean something is wrong. (But warning, this might not apply to all introverts. Like extroverts, introverts are come in all shapes, sizes and levels of interest in socializing.)
2. Shaming Them
Your introvert friend doesn’t judge you when you stay out until 2 a.m. So why are you whining when she wants to go home early after dinner? Extroverts, understand that your introvert friends might enjoy different things, and respect that. Instead of loudly begging them to go bar-hopping with you, just smile and let them off the hook. Introverts are often pretty self-aware, and are in-tune enough with themselves to know when it’s time to go home and recharge.
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3. Trying to “Fix” Them
Yes, she’s shy. Yes, you might have to ask her to speak up once in a while. But don’t push her up onstage at karaoke if she doesn’t want to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." That’s just cruel. Introverts are the way they are, and it’s not worth trying to change them. You wouldn’t try to force an extrovert back into her shell, would you? So don’t try to force an introvert out.
4. Taking Introversion Personally
When an introvert declines an invite or seems more standoffish, it’s not a personal thing. We promise. For introverts, social interaction can be draining, and once their social energy is depleted, it’s not only hard to fake it, but it takes time to replenish. In this case, it really isn’t you—it’s them. (Don’t worry, they’d say that too.)
