Just yesterday, my coworkers and I were standing around the office, shooting the shit about, what else, coronavirus. Did weird cat-weasels called civets spread it? Who on the staff would be most likely to self-quarantine just so they could hang out in bed? Is Cher okay? Lotta questions, so, like the enterprising digital journalists we are, we looked up a reputable source (here's one!) and got most of them. Ah, nothing like a little research from science-based sources to ease anxiety.
We also found found a CNN report on a survey conducted by 5W Public Relations that found that 38 percent of Americans would not order a Corona beer "under any circumstances" because of the coronavirus outbreak. This is misinformed and stupid. Corona beer can bestow upon you a light buzz and give you gas because you chugged it so fast. Add a lime (no relation to Lyme disease), and you've cut down on your chances of catching scurvy (maybe?). Corona beer cannot, however, give you coronavirus, as there is no known link between Corona beers and coronavirus. Corona is Spanish means "crown," and the virus in question has spikes on it like a crown.
There, saved you a Google. In a statement, Constellation Brands, which owns Corona, said that its customers "understand there is no link between the virus and our business," according to that same CNN report.
In other dumb-Americans-vs-coronavirus news, Donald Trump appointed Mike Pence, who doesn't really do science, to oversee the U.S.'s healthy and safety during this time. Mick Mulvaney claimed the media coverage of the outbreak is meant to "bring down the president." Gwyneth is Instagramming Contagion jokes. We here at Esquire, however, are 38 percent more likely to drink a Corona right now from the stress alone of educating ourselves about coronavirus.
You Might Also Like