3 Things Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert Got Right About Divorce

Country music superstars Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are divorcing after four years of marriage. (Photo: Corbis)

For better or worse, celebrities are often held up as models of how to feel and behave. But they’re also human beings, who have the additional challenge of being under the spotlight with money, fame, and power that can enable bad behavior. As a psychiatrist and doctor who treats people struggling with the consequences of following celeb behavior, I’m weighing in on what is worth emulating and what will set you on a path to misery in my Role Model, No Model column for Yahoo Health.

I personally love country music, and Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are some of the most talented country artists today. In terms of their work lives, they clearly had a lot in common — and having a lot in common is often an extremely healthy basis for a great marriage. Data shows that in many ways, the more you have in common, the more likely your marriage is to survive. However, when it comes to commonalities, what matters most is your system of values and your life goals. Some reports say that Blake and Miranda have decided to divorce after four years of marriage because Miranda didn’t want kids. Whether that is true or not, one thing is for sure — if one of you wants to have children and the other does not, this is almost always a deal breaker because it’s not possible to compromise and have half a kid. If a woman does not wish to have a child, then really, it’s not something to do solely for someone else. Mothering is hard work and while it is joyous, there are sacrifices required in order to be a great mom. If and when to have a family is something couples should try their best to hammer out before they get married.

Related: Is It Normal to Contemplate Divorce When You’re Married?

In Blake and Miranda’s decision to divorce, they have done a number of things that will best preserve the mental and physical health for all involved. They have been quiet about their differences, any criticism of each other, as well as their plans ahead of time. Many couples run around bad-mouthing their spouse (or soon-to-be-ex, rather). They may think it helps them to move on or have revenge, but in the end, this kind of behavior serves only to leave angry feelings, fuel grudges, alienate family and mutual friends, and slow the ability to forgive and move on. By quietly making their plans, and now asking for privacy as they move forward, Miranda and Blake set a great example of how to limit the pain of divorce to the two of them and preserve what good feelings remain between them so they can have the least destructive divorce possible. This is no easy task, especially when it comes to dividing monies and property.

It’s also worth noting that they didn’t try to buy something huge or have a baby as a means of keeping the marriage afloat. Doing so rarely works, but instead creates a human being who now has to struggle with having divided parents. Plus, it makes “moving on” a lot more complicated because you will need to co-parent. If you are entertaining a split, a baby is not the glue. It is best to figure out why you are having difficulties and work to make changes that will keep you together before deciding that you would have a child together.

Related: 9 Really Weird Causes Of Divorce

Lastly, as far as we are aware, neither one cheated as a means of leaving the marriage. Consciously or unconsciously, many people stray as a stepping stone out the door of their marriage. Cheating leaves the two of you with anger, guilt, and a loss of trust. That feeling of betrayal can be very difficult to ever get rid of and the loss of trust often carries over into future relationships. Blake and Miranda resolved to split, not cheat, and making a break with integrity leaves each free to have mutual and self-respect as they go on to find future love.

In terms of handling a divorce, Blake and Miranda are ROLE MODELS.

Read This Next: Divorce May Not Be So Unhealthy After All

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