Y’all, we’re busy. Every single one of us. And sadly, sometimes that means our sex lives fall by the wayside. It’s not intentional. It just kind of happens — and when we finally realize that we aren’t having sex with our partner as much as we should and start to seek out hot sex tips to get things going again, we’re a little less limber in the getting-it-on department. There’s no way we’re going to be able to pull off any of the crazy antics and sex positions that a lot of articles suggest.
That’s why we’re bringing it back to the basics.
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If you’re on the hunt for your lost orgasm, some simple sex moves are all you and your partner need to get back in the game. And you don’t even have to be a contortionist to pull these puppies off.
1. Get stoked
Sexy moments can strike when you least expect them. So seize the chance to spice up a night on the couch. Sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., suggests having your partner use their fingertips to slowly, gently caress your skin.
“The light, sensual touch creates a tingling sensation that will wake up your body while also relaxing you for sex,” says Dr. Brame.
2. Keep your panties on
Back in high school, you probably had rules for how far you’d go: under the shirt, over the pants, and so on. Well, the teenage you was on to something. “It can be pleasurable torture to play with each other over your underwear, teasing and stroking through the fabric,” says sex coach Patti Britton, Ph.D. “You’re building up the anticipation, so when you finally do have skin-on-skin contact, it’ll be that much more explosive and exciting.”
3. Make circles
Let’s be honest: Most people are just grateful to be getting a oral sex. But that’s no excuse to rest on your laurels. Rather than simply moving up and down, use your tongue to slowly wind around his member or her clitoris.
“Swirl up the shaft with the tip of your tongue. When you’re at the top, slide your whole mouth down and then up, with a sucking motion,” suggests sex therapist Carole Altman, Ph.D., author of Don’t Have Sex Again Until You Read This Book.
4. Give barely-there kisses
Rather than simply making a beeline for your partner’s below-the-belt region, create a slow burn with featherlight kisses. Start by kissing eyelashes, then the corner of the mouth, the jaw, and the collarbone. Next, kiss your partner’s nipples, chest, down along the treasure trail and over to one hip bone, then the other.
“You’re building up anticipation as you make that slow, seductive crawl,” says Altman. “And the randomness of your kisses keeps nerves on high alert as his/her brain and body try to figure out where you’re going next.”
5. Bend it better
For greater stimulation in missionary position, try this: “Hook your knees over your partner’s shoulders,” suggests Britton. “The angle puts more pressure on the clitoris, giving you a better chance of achieving orgasm.” Clench your butt and lift your pelvis to create more friction and make your climactic moment even more mind-blowing.
6. Get a little rough
Give a jolt during sex by gently nipping your partner’s shoulders or earlobe. “When you’re in the heat of passion, you may go more into your head than your body,” explains Brame. “A little pain snaps you both back to the moment.”
7. Sit up tall
You love you-on-top because you can control the speed, angle, and motion; your partner loves you-on-top because he/she can just lie back and watch. But what lazybones might not realize is that sitting up can enhance the pleasure even more. “Not only can you both do more with your arms and hands, but the sex is also more intimate with your torsos pressed together,” says Britton.
8. Guess what’s next
A little unpredictability during sex can make the experience even more intense for you. “While in missionary, have your partner tease you by mixing up the movements: slipping in just a little, going in halfway, and thrusting deeply, in random order,” suggests Britton. Two short strokes followed by a long one, three deep ones in a row followed by two quick teases…you get the point.
9. Show off
Although your inner bad girl may get off on the idea of being caught in the act, the real you may not feel right about sneaking off to a bar bathroom. But you can feed any secret exhibitionist appetites by doing the deed in front of a window with the lights out. “Stand up against the window, facing out,” says Britton. You’ll get a rush from just the possibility of being watched.
10. Blow hot air
No matter what position you’re in, you can enhance the experience by gently exhaling on each other’s skin. “You’re already feeling pleasure in your genitals, but this move adds soft, steamy heat to other sensitive areas like your neck, your nipples, or the inside of your wrists, giving you tingles from head to toe,” says Britton.
Next Up: 11 more sexy moves for the bedroom
11. Find a new angle
“In order to orgasm from oral sex, you need him/her to use consistent, steady strokes,” explains Britton. “The easiest way to do that is by licking up and down.” But you’re more likely to orgasm when his/her tongue is running across your clitoris. The solution: Your partner should be perpendicular to you (in a “T” shape), lying on his/her side. Working the tongue will be easier, and it’s an angle that’s optimal for your pleasure.
12. Buzz away
Put a spin on oral sex by getting a third party in on the action — a sex toy.
“While your partner is pleasuring you, have him/her lay a vibrating bullet against the cheek,” suggests Olivia St. Claire, author of 302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed. “It creates a hum that’s not too intense.”
13. Work your muscles
You can put an extra-special twist on intercourse just by clenching your pubococcygeus muscle (the same muscle you use to stop and start the flow when you’re peeing).
“Squeeze the muscle tight around him and then let go as more of his length moves in,” says St. Claire. “Squeeze again as he pulls almost out. Then repeat with each thrust.”
This creates a tight pressure around his penis, as though you’re massaging it. The benefit for you: Your clenching motion creates pleasurable tension in your G spot and clitoris, making orgasm easier to achieve — and more explosive.
14. Don’t take it all off
Who doesn’t love getting naked? Still, there’s something so primal about clothes-on sex. While wearing a skirt or dress, get on the edge of the bed.
“It’s a spontaneous, must-have-you-now move,” says Britton.
15. Anchor him
Try this hands-on approach to increasing sensation during intercourse: Form a ring with two fingers and your thumb and gently hold down the skin at the base of his penis.
“Pulling his loose skin taut brings the nerve endings closer to the surface, making him more sensitive,” explains St. Claire.
16. Squat instead of straddle
Here’s another way to make you-on-top more interesting: Squat over your partner rather than straddling him.
“By supporting yourself on your feet, you get better ease of motion,” explains St. Claire. “You can bounce higher and have more control of your movements, so your pleasure is intensified.”
17. Tighten up (or loosen up)
There are a million ways to adjust to achieve the perfect, er, fit.
“If you want more friction during missionary, slide your legs together so that they’re between your partner’s,” suggests Brame. “You’ll have to start out with your legs flat on the bed, outside of theirs.”
For deeper penetration, spread your legs wider with your knees up.
18. Give a tug
When it comes to his below-the-belt area, you’re probably more focused on the star than the supporting players. But you can make sex a heightened experience for him by stroking his testicles. “Softly massaging the area increases blood flow to his pelvic region, increasing his arousal and sensitivity,” says Brame. “Then, as he’s about to orgasm, gently tug on the loose skin around the ‘boys’ to amplify his big finish.”
19. Grab hold
Call him/her your prisoner of love and they’ll laugh. But pin him/her to the bed and they’ll know you mean business.
“You can take a fun and playful approach to the whole domination thing by pinning hands down while you’re on top,” says Brame. “It’s a delicious tease because all he/she wants to do is touch you, and you’re not allowing it.” Of course, if you’d prefer that your partner take control, just ask!
20. Go neck and neck
You already know that the neck is a sensitive spot — little shivers and moans when you nibble at your partner’s throat should clue you in. Still, there are a few nooks that will elicit even more of a “yowza!” reaction.
“The line that runs from behind his/her ear down to the crook where his/her neck meets his shoulder is especially sensitive,” says Britton. “You can lightly kiss other lesser-known hot spots as well, like along the jawbone and even the back of his/her neck.”
Your partner may think they have seen every trick in the book, but show that you’re still full of surprises with this oral sex move: While down south, slip your finger into your mouth and stroke him.
“The unexpected texture makes it a pleasurable treat for him,” explains St. Claire. The creativity alone will give him a rush since it’s something he’s probably never experienced before. For women, your partner can create a similar sensation by using their fingers and their tongue at the same time in different places.
Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc. Originally Published: 21 Little Sex Moves That Will Rock Your World (and His!)
Originally published January 2008. Updated August 2019.