When you’re married, business trips can be a blessing and a curse.
You might each enjoy a few nights of solitude with a bed to yourself and a break from house rules. Or maybe the time apart has you bummed out and feeling kind of lost without each other.
If you’re traveling for work and you have kids, you’ve probably come to expect a flurry of texts and phone calls from your partner who is counting down the hours — nay, minutes! — until you walk through the front door.
Below, we’ve gathered 21 tweets that honestly and hilariously sum up work travel after marriage.
My husband, leaving on a work trip: Just feed the fish one pinch of food, 3 times a day.
Me, a person who keeps 4 kids alive all day every day: Well that's just too much work.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) May 20, 2021
My wife’s traveling for work. Please send me some random chores or shout something sarcastic, so I don’t miss her. Thank you
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 7, 2021
My husband's coming home from a work trip, so I'm putting dishes in the sink to make it look like I didn't eat toast on a paper towel for five days.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 29, 2019
Me, calling my wife 1 day into her 2-week business trip: Do I like soup?
— The Dad (@thedad) January 4, 2023
me, on a work trip: everything okay at home?
husband: yeah, we're fine, you know how they are
husband, on a work trip: so how is it going for you all?
me: OH MY GOD I AM LOSING MY TENUOUS GRIP ON SANITY WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME
— Nicole Chung | @nicolechung on Bluesky (@nicolesjchung) June 18, 2019
I’m on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, “I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I can’t find it”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 9, 2023
My wife's been traveling for work for the last three days.
I now have less than 8 hours to make the house look like I had everything under control.
— Matt DePoint (@mattdepoint) April 5, 2019
Dad trigger warning: my husband is traveling for work this week, so naturally, all the lights are on and the thermostat is now set to 73° F.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) October 17, 2022
I love when 6pm on a Friday night hits and I think “okay that’s enough parenting for me today where’s backup?” and then I remember my husband is still away for work until Monday 🙃
— tiffany hunter (@lifeattiffanys) September 12, 2020
We just reached the phase of marriage where I FaceTimed my husband from a work trip to show him “this super cute neighborhood” I was driving through.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 12, 2021
My husband bought the kids an elaborate Play-Doh set and then left for a business trip for 5 days, and I think the only appropriate way to revenge-parent here is to let the kids have a water balloon fight on the lawn before he returns home to mow it.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) October 9, 2019
Wife: *leaving for a business trip* Do you know what to do if you have trouble with the kids?
Me: Don't call you.
Wife: Right. Not my problem.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2018
It feels great when you come home from a business trip and get to sleep in your own bed.
I hear. I wouldn’t know.
My son was sleeping on my side of the bed, so I got the couch at midnight last night when I got home.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 13, 2019
[returns from long business trip]
*gives wife an awkward fist bump*
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 14, 2020
Wife: I have to take an overnight business trip to Vegas. Want to join me?
Me (thinking about having the whole bed to myself when she’s gone): Sorry, I’m allergic to… uh… coins.
— The Dad (@thedad) January 10, 2020
When your husband is away for work and keeps asking if you’re doing okay and you’re like yes! absolutely! And then he surprises you that he’s coming home early and you’re like so funny story you need to stop and get dinner because I am a liar
— tiffany hunter (@lifeattiffanys) May 2, 2022
Leaving on a 3-day business trip, saying goodbye to her family, eyeing an empty milk carton, knowing it will still be on the counter when she gets back.
— Just J (@junejuly12) March 29, 2019
Returned from my work trip and husband just says, “thank you for coming back.”
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) March 30, 2023
My wife’s on a work trip, so this morning I woke up and apologized to her pillow for stealing her blanket
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 4, 2021
My husband is leaving for a business trip for the first time in what feels like forever, and no worries, I’ve got the kids and my job covered this week, but he’s also asking me to water plants like some optimistic person who doesn’t remember my horrible track record with plants.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 7, 2022
Me: Hey kids, remember Mommy comes back from her business trip soon, so we need to start putting the toilet seats down again
I'm totally winning parenting
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 18, 2019