Is 2017 the Year We Finally Get a Jeff Goldblum Cosmetics Line?
Unlikely hottie Jeff Goldblum showed up in new photos from the Thor: Ragnarok set and he is giving you everything.
Actually everything.
This image, released to Entertainment Weekly, is so much. There is so much happening here. Like, Goldbleezy, you gotta warn us before you release the lewk Kraken like this. We were not prepared.
We going about our daily lives having no idea that somewhere on this rapidly warming Earth toothsome lynx Jeff Goldblum was sauntering around in iridescent lipstick and serious eyeliner. If Jeff Goldblum comes out with a M.A.C. cosmetics line, 2017 is officially cancelled.
I mean, I'm going to buy it, of course. But I'm going to feel really weird about it.
There'd be a lip gloss called "Lip, uh... Finds A Way."
There'd be a high dimension lash extending mascara called "Chaos Theory."
There'd be an eye shadow called "The Life Aquatic."
There'd be an eyeliner called "The Fly," obviously.
And, naturally, there'd be an "Independence Day-to-Night" contouring kit for taking your look from SFW to NSFW in minutes.
Okay, I take it back. 2017 isn't cancelled if we get a Jeff Goldblum cosmetics line. Actually, I think that's exactly what we need. But do we deserve it?
There's just so much face in that picture it. How can we be worthy of all it?
When Cheshire Silver Fox, Jeff Goldblum, first announced he'd joined the film a few months ago, he gave no indication that he'd be showing out like this.
There he is on Instagram, giving us his usual "college professor who could teach you a thing or two" lewk. Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just a lanky, hot weirdo reading a comic book.
How did that become this?
I mean, I know how: makeup, a lot of mousse and a Rick James album.
It's the same way international treasure Cate Blanchett became Mariah Carey's alter ego Bianca on a bender.
Somewhere Carol is clutching her pearls and licking her lips.
Oscar winner Cate Blanchett's default expression seems to be smolder and I'm 100% here for that. Combine her steely gaze and Steely Dan hair with Goldblum's "Dr. Strange's swinger uncle at the Sandals in Katmandu" and you've got my new favorite movie. I don't even need Chris Hemsworth. I'm just kidding; that's sacrilege. Of course I need him. Just have him wink at the camera every once in a while and then cut back to Cate and Jeff grimacing suggestively at each other in a two-hour tantric quirk-off.
Oh, so much facial angularity! I can't!
It really shouldn't surprise anyone that Jeff Goldblum, when cast in a Marvel movie, is playing for an audience of two: your ovaries. I mean, do we remember this summer photoshoot from Icon El Pais?
He tried to warn us! Jeff Goldblum is 63-years-old and he's still showing up looking like a praying mantis you'd probably bang.
That's impressive! I'm obsessed. I cannot wait to see this new movie Thor: Ragnarok especially now that I know that Ragnarok, in the original Norse, means Jeff and Cate Give You Smoky Eyes and Severe Lines Readings Until You Pass All the Way Out, Honey.
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