20 Props From "Stranger Things" I Want To Have In Real Life
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Everyone is drooling over Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson, as they should because they're scrum-diddly-umptious bad boys with fantastic hair. But I'm busy also fantasizing about all random stranger "things" that I must have to hide in my closet from my mom and angry government scientists.
Here are 20 random things from Stranger Things I must have right this minute.
You have been warned if you're not caught up on Stranger Things.
1.Max Mayfield's Life-Saving Sony Walkman WM-8
Max's near-death experience with her Walkman explains why when I fall asleep listening to the American Beauty soundtrack, my sleep paralysis demons work overtime. Music can cross dimensions, and if you ever need to snatch yourself back from being folded up like a pretzel in your sleep, pop in a cassette tape and rock out in the dream world. Max had great taste in music, so I must specifically have this Walkman because all I had in mine was a live narration of Dr. Seuss's There's a Wocket in My Pocket.
2.Eddie Munson's Sacrificial Guitar
Guitar solos on the brink of destruction are 100% metal. If I'm on the run from an entire town of fanatic witch hunters who think I can magically snap my high school friends' bones in five different places, I'm bringing a black B.C. Rich Warlock, just in case I need to lure a pack of demobats from a hole in my trailer. It only took him a week to learn Metallica's "Master of Puppets" based on the Stranger Things timeline, so it must be the guitar, not just the man. I need this battle-ax. Lucky for me, I can get my hands on this guitar for the low price of my life savings.
3.Mike Wheeler's Dungeon & Dragons Set
There isn't much else Mike Wheeler can contribute to the team besides "being the heart" or whatever Will said when he tried to confess his love. Trust me. Mike's not worth it, William. I will say that he's a great leader. If it weren't for Mike holding the group together as the dungeon master, they would all be Demogorgon poop like Barb or locked in a government facility. Mike gained major tactical intuition skill points from his Dungeons & Dragons set. Give me one so I can level up in life. I spend most of my life categorizing people by their morality. I'm ready to become a dungeon master.
4.Steve Harrington's Spiked Discipline Stick
The dreamy big-haired, rehabilitated bad boy showed up and showed out when he went to town on that angry pack of Upside Down creatures to protect his middle school babies. Steve is the #1 member of The Baby-Sitters Club. Steve wielded one of the deadliest weapons in the Stranger Things universe thanks to the main teenagers' arts and crafts skills. Nancy, and sometimes Billy, had the right idea of getting hot and heavy over babysitter Babe Ruth. Batters up, Stevie Boy, and meet in the dugout.
5.Suzie Bingham's Illegally-Owned Supercomputer
I knew wearing out that VHS of The NeverEnding Story would pay off one day. All it takes is breaking into song with this brainiac Brady Brunch kid, and I will have complete access to one of the top-of-the-line computers of the 1980s. I have no idea how this family of 100 kids and a single stressed-out dad forked up the cash to purchase a military-grade computer with its designated dial-up phone. I can't wait to crack some top-secret Russian codes and hack into underground science facilities.
6.Eleven's Thrift Store Blonde Costume Wig
I don't even recognize tiny Sinead O'Connor with this state-of-the-art Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wig. Do you want to evade an evil, secret government operation that wants to use your psychic abilities? Get you one of these synthetic Eleven wigs from Nancy Wheeler's bedroom and have your hair laid for days. Pair it with a dress only an American Girl doll would wear, and become the talk of the town, the United States government, Russia, and an alternate universe filled with monsters.
7.Robin Buckley's Emerald Lust Band Ensemble
Robin's a master of rocking the uniforms, from the Scoops Ahoy sailor garb to this emerald green marching band number. You never have to worry about your hat falling off your head if you're running from monsters or Russian soldiers. It keeps all the lustful sweat pouring down your back from standing next to your crush. It comes with a custom-made trumpet explicitly designed for people who don't know how to play and a little backside pouch for bathroom emergencies.
8.Joyce Byers' Supernatural Christmas Lights
Please give it up to Joyce's low-key hoarding problem for saving the day. Some people know when to toss out all the old Christmas decorations. Others know that one day your baby boy might be trapped in an evil alternate universe and need to give mommy a goodnight text. Joyce has every shape and size of Christmas light, and they're the original landline between Vecna's playground and the real world. I would hold onto these bad boys forever because Holly Wheeler's Lite Brite won't always be available.
9.Lucas Sinclair's Social Justice Slingshot
Lucas was a fighter since day one. While the rest of the kids were kicking and screaming, Lucas was gearing up to pop out the Demogorgon's eyes with his slingshot. Too bad Demogorgons don't have eyes. As the token Black kid of the group (because shows still do this), Lucas had to deal with the most bullshit. Sure, a monster snatched Will into the Upside Down, and Eleven was forced to become a psychic weapon. But the gang forced Lucas to be the Black Ghostbuster because Stranger Things wanted to be historically accurate to the time in the '80s when supernatural monsters ravaged a small Indiana town. These moments are why the slingshot is necessary.
10.Nancy Wheeler's Entire Closet of Outfits
You have to slay the runway when you're leading the charge for the big kids. Nancy Wheeler's outfits have set the standard for every volume of Stranger Things. We should applaud her for being able to remind us how much time has passed between each season. Nobody holds a candle to her wardrobe except for her mom. If you don't believe me, here are 32 of Nancy Wheeler's dresses ranked. I still want to know what she was doing with that blonde wig Eleven and the boys stole from her room.
11.Erica Sinclair's Non-Problematic American Flag
Nobody can hold a candle or a bug lantern to Erica Sinclair. She turned the sassy Black woman trope into a scene-stealer. Following the Sinclair family tradition of being typecasted in typical roles for Black friends, Erica decided to take it to the next level by backing up her sass with extreme intelligence. I need her patriotic cape so that I can absorb her confidence. She might be the smartest kid in the entire Stranger Things series, and nobody can match her. The only time I feel like rocking the American flag outside of the 4th of July won't feel slightly problematic is when it's on Erica's back. You can't save America without Erica.
12.Dustin Henderson's Accidental Genius Ham Radio
I always dreamt of being the goofy friend who saves the day. Every season of new monsters, Dustin comes in clutch with some new plan, device, or domesticated Demogorgon and rescues all his friends. When he surprised everybody, flaunted his Tony Stark tech skills, and created Cerebro, it was over for the rest of the gang. Sure, Dustin is illegally stealing cable and shutting down the power grid, but Dustin is the future of America. I put money that he'll end up running things at Intel once he destroys Vecna.
13.Jonathan Byers' Castle Byers Humble Hideaway
Jonathan Byers is such a fantastic big brother. He never teased Will or bullied him. He protected him from their absurd father and comforted his little brother. They were so close that they built a castle to escape the madness together, and it's a wholesome chunk of real estate. It plays a huge part in the journey of the bowl-cut Byers boys, especially when Will takes a baseball bat to it. He destroys "Closet" Byers because he's sick and tired of hiding away from his problems. I feel you, Will. I spiritually demolished mine, too. Real talk, a closer look at this craftsmanship makes me wonder why Ivy Leagues aren't knocking on Jonathan's door for an architecture scholarship.
14.Argyle's Hot-Boxed Surfer Boy Pizza Van
I want Argyle's beautiful hair, but I'll take the pizza van because it's the most resourceful and reliable mode of transportation to debut on Stranger Things. No more bicycles. It's big enough to hold a dozen pizzas or a handful of fugitive teenagers. Bonus points: Lift the seats, and you'll find a massive stash of "smelly grass." But I only want this hunky banana-colored Mystery Machine if it comes with the real-life ninja turtle Argyle. He's funny, extremely chill, and man — I can't get over that beautiful hair. What shampoo does he use?
15.Dr. Martin Brenner's Overpriced Sensory Deprivation Tank
The current state of the world makes a sensory deprivation tank sound like a peaceful retreat from the chaos. I can't believe Dr. Martin Brenner spent taxpayers' money to build a giant tank a few teenagers could make from a pizza dough freezer. He insists he knows what he's doing. You're telling me submerging myself in this little salty bathtub can unlock my superpowers like those people from the other Netflix show, The OA? I wouldn't stay in the water too long because I don't want the tips of my fingers and toes turning into raisins. I also don't want to open another portal to the Upside Down accidentally.
16.Murray Bauman's Black Belt of Love and Conspiracy
Murray may look like he's all cuddles and hugs, but don't judge a conspiracy theorist by their presumptions. He was right about everything, by the way. Thanks to Murray, Nancy, and Jonathan, Joyce and Hopper broke their sexual tension due to his martial arts mastery of love. Whatever dojo Murray studied at is teaching all types of techniques. He also learned how to be an excellent master of disguise. His costume changes at the drop of a hat were phenomenal. When he beat the brakes off Yuri and the actual plane, I knew I had to get like Murray and have a piece of that black belt energy.
17.Jim Hopper's Traumatic Dad Letter
Hopper's letter was definitely in the Top 5 most heartfelt moments of the entire series. No, racist Billy Hargrove's last-minute sacrifice is not on the list. I'll never forget what he did to Lucas. Hopper was a homie from day one, asking the right questions and eventually becoming the kids' greatest ally. When he became Eleven's dad, everything made sense. My dad was in law enforcement, and in my mind, I feel like an escaped test subject, so I relate. My heart was ripped to pieces when Hopper showed Eleven his psychic powers. He wrote a letter knowing he mysteriously might not return from his latest adventure. I would read this note over and over again to feel things.
18.Little Vecna's Crusty Jar of Spiders
I'm glad we no longer have to consider Will the creepy little boy of Stranger Things because, honestly, the storylines were giving homophobia. Enter: a new boy whose family alluded to his sexuality being the reason for his weirdness. Can somebody help these writers out? Let's stop insinuating that sexuality and villainhood are associated. Baby Vecna, Henry Creel, is a spider lover. Ew. Something about those eight legs gets this little demon child going, so I have to get my hands on one of those creepy jars to get some second-hand superpowers. I promise to use mine for good.
19.Will Byers' Homoerotic Love Me Painting
I wish I had one of these adorable, cryptically gay paintings when I came out. Will Byers spent his entire tenure in witness protection doing paint by numbers listening to Cyndi Lauper on repeat to paint this masterpiece. It's a work of art. Yet, clueless Mike couldn't read between the creases in the canvas. I could use a visual representation of my sexual struggles to help me express my deep feelings. Ten extra points to Will for using his demonic possession art skills to draw something cuter than a bunch of evil clouds and scribble spiders.
20.A Baby Demodog Pollywog
Maybe it's a deep fascination for frogs and amphibious creatures. All I wanted was a baby demodog when Dustin introduced his slimy little pollywog to the gang. Imagine having a tiny aquarium designed as a mini-Upside Down Hawkins for them to play in. When they grow up to be a big and deadly Demogorgon, the bond will be so strong that all it will take is a couple of slices of beef jerky to ensure I don't get swallowed whole.
