The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Once again the gynecology nurse does not appreciate when I say “giving ya the ol’ razzle dazzle” while putting my feet in the stirrups— katespookie (@katefeetie) October 22, 2017
Just sitting around being sacred today, as women do.— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 21, 2017
If your bra consistently matches your underwear first of all are you some kind of witch?— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) October 21, 2017
telling me to stop posting political things is the equivalent of telling me to smile more, thank you! *smiles so hard all my teeth shatter*— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 22, 2017
Them: You need to listen to your body more.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 23, 2017
Body: You're old. And you want pizza.
doctor: eating popeyes everyday will kill you— Ziwe (@ziwe) October 22, 2017
*flosses for the first time in 6 months* that should fool the dentist today— Erica (@SCbchbum) October 23, 2017
can you imagine losing and having to talk about it after? like I lose all the time and I just shut up and pretend I didn't lose— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 26, 2017
If I see a sexy Handmaids Tale costume next week I will have an actual tantrum— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) October 26, 2017
Inventing a delivery app that brings your delivery person on time. Finds them at their restaurant, tells them to stop chatting, pokes them.— Abbi Crutchfright (@curlycomedy) October 26, 2017
I'm a lady on the streets but a silly fake ghost in the sheets— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 24, 2017
'Just In Timber Lake' sounds like the slogan for a campground holding its annual swingers retreat— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 23, 2017
When the Cable Guy gets to your house at 4:58pm in your "12pm-5pm" window... pic.twitter.com/CkZrDHpfUy— Julie Rasmussen (@JulieRasmussen) October 23, 2017
If you’ve never pulled your pants up before your underwear then we have nothing in common.— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) October 24, 2017
Today I went into my purse to pay my therapist and a bag of shredded cheese fell out— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 25, 2017
I like to plan my outfit for dropping the kids off at school.— MarleBOO (@Marlebean) October 24, 2017
In fact, I often choose it the night before.
They're called "pajamas".
One *effective* way to fight the patriarchy is to call men named Brian “Bree-anne”— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 25, 2017
Ah, fall. Foliage, pumpkin spice and being late to work every day because you spent 7 minutes figuring out if the tights are black or navy.— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 25, 2017
I've wasted so much of my precious life trying to locate the remote.— Entrée 3000 (@steenfox) October 27, 2017
bought my dog a halloween costume so he peed on the store floor fair enough my friend but you’re still gonna be a cute fucking shark— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 26, 2017
- This article originally appeared on HuffPost.