Being a dad comes with abundant perks: You get the enormous pride of raising kids. You get unending, unconditional love and adoration. And you get an automatic pass to tell the corniest, punniest jokes ever. Yes, we’re talking about dad jokes — and while kids might roll their eyes or groan out loud, deep down they love these silly, catchy quips. Make sure you always have a one-liner at the ready with our list of the best dad jokes of all time. (Of course, you don't have to be a dad to tell these jokes — you just have to be willing to endure a little overt eye rolling from your audience. But they’ll mean it with love!)
Best Dad Jokes of All Time
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? His parents were in a jam.
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
What does a sprinter eat before race day? Nothing, they fast!
Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
How do you stop bulls from charging? You cancel their credit cards.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella? For drizzle.
How did the hipsters burn their tongues? They drank their coffee before it was cool.
Why did the cracker go to the hospital? Because it felt crummy.
Why did the dad toss his clock out of the window? He wanted to see time fly.
What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
What did the drummer dad name his twin girls? Anna one, Anna two!
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing — it just waved.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
What does a busybody pepper do? It gets jalapeno business.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in the field.
Can you tell dad jokes if you don’t have kids? If you’re a faux pa.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? See if it’s coffin.
My wife yelled at me for having no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
When’s the best time to make a dentist appointment? Tooth-hurtie.
When is a door not a door? When it’s actually ajar.
What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaaaains!
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