A lot of bad things happened in the 2010s, but some good things happened, too. We finally got rid of trucker hats and popped collars! It was a decade free of Avatar and "Mambo No. 5"! Best of all, in the vacuum left by these cultural voids, we’ve enjoyed a whole lot of steamy moments. This decade, there were song lyrics about ass eating, and butts in general had their time in the sun. (Literally). Sure, we saw the global rise of the far-right, but we also got Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” music video and Rihanna, well, being Rihanna. Things were hot! On the brink of disaster, but hot.
Maybe it’s because we have access to porn in our pockets now, but each year society gets a little less uptight about sex scenes in television and movies. Sitcom couples used to not even sleep in the same bed and now we have Tiffany Haddish teaching us how to “grapefruit” a dick in movie theaters. I mean, think about how many naked scenes we had in Game of Thrones alone. In celebration, here are the absolute horniest on screen moments of the last decade:
Magic Mike XXL (2015). The entire movie is a veritable feast for the horny among us (me). The hottest—and sweetest and also funniest—scene of the movie is when Big Dick Rick (Joe Manganiello) tries to cheer up a convenience store worker with a sexy dance to “I Want It That Way.” Who knew that spilling Cheetos Puffs on the floor could be hot? Joe knew, and he does it all simply to make a woman smile, with no aggression, no creepy agenda—just making a lady’s day with his abs.
Always Be My Maybe (2019). Keanu Reeves says, “I missed your taste.” What more can anyone possibly need? This line alone will sustain me through the 2020s.
Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011). Emma Stone finally agrees to take the massive player Ryan Gosling up on his offer (which is, spoiler alert, sex) and heads back to his rich person house. There, she asks him what his “Big Move” is and he tells her: He can do the lift from Dirty Dancing. His abs are hot. His Big Move is hot. His sheepish admission that he even has a Big Move is hot. Theoretically, this is how I want every date I’m ever on to go, except I don’t actually want to be lifted into the air by anyone.
Long Shot (2019). Charlize Theron can make anything short of Aileen Wuornos sexy, so she already has an advantage, but in this movie she actually got to be fun and not just One of the Most Gorgeous People Alive. When she and Seth Rogen are finally about to get it on she says, “I want you to fuck me from behind and slap my ass really hard,” which shocks him so thoroughly that he almost stops having sex. After he recovers, she seamlessly follows up with, “We’ll do exactly what you were imagining, and then you turn me around, slap me on my ass and choke me a little bit.” I think everyone in the theatre came.
Black Swan (2010). Have you ever been eaten out by someone so effectively that you forget that someone is your work nemesis? That’s essentially the plot of Black Swan. Sure, it would have been nice for the roles to have gone to two non-straight women, but I’m not going to ignore the impact it had on every guy friend I’ve ever had.
Hustlers (2019). Until Jennifer Lynn Lopez wins her Oscar for this role, I will not know peace. Her pole dance to “Criminal” to open the film is the epitome of hot, empowered sex appeal. Who knew that bedazzled captain’s hats could be regal? I don’t have the arm strength to do real pushups let alone spin myself around on a pole. If Christian Bale gaining and losing weight can get him nominations, then having her abs at age 49 most certainly deserves the academy’s blessing. Call me when Leo has waxed his asshole for a role.
Us (2019) I did not go into this movie expecting to be turned on for even a moment, but then Winston Duke gets into bed and tries to pose sexily for his wife (Lupita Nyong’o, who is a little busy being deeply freaked out). Fight me on this one if you want, but there is something about a husband trying to set the mood for his wife while wearing an old college sweatshirt and pajama shorts that is S-E-X-Y. (I’m willing to concede that something might be Winston Duke’s thighs.)
Handmaiden (2016). This whole movie is a steamy, horny mystery ride—not to mention one of the most underrated films of the decade. You’re never sure who is actually in love with whom until the very end, but when Lady Hideko and her handmaiden Sook-hee get hot and bothered during this dress-up scene, it becomes crystal clear.
Black Panther (2018). In the movie, Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) gives a whole speech about how he’s been waiting his whole life for “this.” And of course, he means fighting T’Challa, but then he starts taking off his clothes, and it’s like “I’ve been waiting all my life for this.”
Call Me By Your Name (2017). Argue all you want, but: Peach. Scene.
Wolf of Wall Street (2013). Margot Robbie’s character decides to fight back against her awful husband who’s played by Leonardo Dicaprio by wearing short skirts and no panties, an ingenious retaliation which of course culminated in the heel to the forehead moment—a.k.a. the scene that launched a thousand wet dreams.
Shape of Water (2017). Kick me out of heaven if you must, but the scene between the fish and Elisa was seminal and that cannot be ignored simply for your delicate sensibilities. Elisa flooded her bathroom for the guy! That’s commitment.
Star Is Born (2018). The first half of this movie is pure foreplay, which leads to one of the sweetest sexy scenes in which Ally and Jackson take a flirty bath together, made extra adorable when Ally starts putting her makeup on him. The two of them can’t stop laughing, which is, obviously, the peak of Real Sexiness. Watching them together in this scene, it’s not hard to understand how all those rumors got started.
Fleabag (2019). If you don’t know about the Hot Priest from Fleabag, I simply don’t understand your sexuality at this point. Maybe it’s because he’s forbidden, maybe it’s because he’s simply a nice, well-meaning guy and the bar for men is pretty low. I don’t know. what I do know is that 2019 was the year “daddy” became “father.”
New Girl (2013). This was the kiss heard ‘round the world. For someone who doesn’t know how to pronounce Wifi, Nick Miller (Jake Johnson) sure can kiss. There are very few lines that you can say after finally kissing your friend whom you’ve been crushing on forever that could make it even more hot, but, “I meant something like that,” is one of them.
Insecure (2016). Issa and Lawrence were both a damn mess on the first season of Insecure; that said, I am still naively rooting for them to be together. Despite that, when Lawrence got his shit together and finally gets it on with his bank teller friend at the end of season one? Reader, I lost my miiiiiind. Jay Ellis naked is hot enough, but the way he poured every ounce of his heartbreak into pleasing a new person? Filthy.
Sex Education (2018). We all agree that everything Gillian Anderson does is bare minimum smokin’ hot, but she took that to a new level in Sex Education as a boundary-less sex therapist/mom who started sleeping with her handyman. The sexual tension between the two is goddamn rife, but no moment brought me more joy than when she first met him, mistook him for a client, and asked him about his first memory of his scrotum. He didn’t miss a beat, letting her know that he was the man sent to fix her sink and then following up with an intimate tale about his ballsack.
Lip Sync Battle (2017). Tom Holland dressed up as Rihanna and lip synced his ass off to “Umbrella,” and the world swooned.
Girls (2015). I don’t know that the infamous ass-eating scene—Allison Williams says she prepared for Ebon Moss-Bacharach to motorboat her behind by making her butt smell like cake—was particularly sexy per se, but I do know that it helped straight people talk about eating ass more, so I’m putting it on the list.
Game of Thrones (2013). Jon and Ygritte finally fucked, in a cave, like Plato intended. It’s one of the few sex scenes on the whole show that was actually horny, and we learned that sweet virgin Johnny Snowballs knows how to go down on a woman. No wonder they ended up getting married in real life.
Atlanta (2016). In the very first scene of the show, Earn (Donald Sexpot Glover) wakes up in bed with his ex and starts kissing her, and then positively roasts her for her morning breath. That’s real love.
Bachelor (2017). Mock reality TV all you want—it won’t get you a PhD and it will mean you miss out on spicy moments like bachelorette Rachel Lindsay straddling contestant Peter Kraus in a jacuzzi during a romantic dinner date to make out. Honestly, even calling it making out does the scene a disservice. I will never get the image of Peter’s hot man hands traveling up Rachel’s bare back out of my mind. Peter, who normally has the relaxed ease of a man in an eyeglasses commercial, did not end up with Rachel because they couldn’t agree on whether or not to get engaged, but before their tearful goodbye, things got wet and wild in the hot tub.
What She Said
Is that the remote, or are you just happy to see me?
Originally Appeared on GQ