By Amy O’Dell
Let’s be real: It totally sucks to feel like you have to deprive yourself of all your office’s free cake.
1. Your life won’t be different if your body is a little bit different. Everyone who loves you will love you just as much no matter how much you weigh. Besides, you don’t get a grand prize for weight loss (unless you’re on The Biggest Loser, which, thankfully, you’re not!).
2. Your time is better spent doing something other than worrying about your figure. Like having brunch with your significant other, finally crossing another book off your reading list, or finally clearing all those acid-wash jeans you thought were cool for five minutes out of your closet.
3. Food is delicious and meant to be eaten. Do you want to go through life never knowing the pleasure of a cronut (donut made of croissant dough), bruffin (brioche roll with bacon and cheese inside, and sometimes chocolate on top), a donoli (donut filled with cannoli cream), or WONUT (waffle donut)? If food allergies aren’t holding you back, of course not!
4. As long as you’re healthy, that’s all that matters. Is your health in jeopardy? Do you need to alter your weight because your doctor told you to? No? Then don’t fret! Exercise, eat well, and you’re good to go.
5. Meryl Streep was right when she said, “[D]on’t worry so much about your weight. Girls spend way too much time thinking about that.” She continued, “For young men, and women, too, what makes you different or weird, that’s your strength. Everyone tries to look a cookie-cutter kind of way, and actually the people who look different are the ones who get picked up.”
6. Looks are impermanent anyway. Do you want to go through life always wishing you looked different? Or would you rather eagerly await the joys every age has in store for you?
7. There is no such thing as a “perfect” body. Chasing a “perfect” figure is about as foolish an errand as trying to ride every ride in an amusement park without waiting in line. It’s not real!
8. Studies suggest that people who eat what they want when they want it and stop when they are satiated are less likely to have weight problems. Eating shouldn’t be about deprivation, but rather mindful indulgence.
9. No one will notice if you gain or lose a few vanity pounds. YOU might not even notice!
10. Diet food is the worst. Let’s be real, no one would really rather have the Weight Watcher’s pop over the chocolate-covered Häagen-Dazs ice cream bar.
11. It totally sucks to feel like you can’t let yourself have the free office cake. What is it with offices and CAKE? Cake just randomly shows up in offices all the time like wet floor signs. Except unlike the wet floor sign, when the baked goods present themselves, it’s a cause for rejoicing and, better yet, socializing.
12. Sometimes, you just want to have a sugary cocktail. Every diet book will confine you to a single glass of wine or vodka soda, which we all know tastes like liquified synthetic material with lime in it.
13. Remember that standards for beauty are largely influenced by Hollywood — a place that is INSANE. Quothe J. Law: “In Hollywood, I’m obese. I’m considered a fat actress. I eat like a caveman. I’ll be the only actress who doesn’t have anorexia rumors! I’m never going to starve myself for a part. I’m invincible. I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss so I’m going to skip dinner.’”
14. You have so many accomplishments to boast of already — and losing your muffin top doesn’t need to be one of them. You became a director at your company before the age of 30, doubled your salary by the time you were 28, and are in a relationship with someone who absolutely worships you? Sounds like your life is pretty sweet no matter what you look like.
15. Channing Tatum is there for you:
16. If you have a day where you feel bad about yourself, channel Beyoncé at the Super Bowl for five seconds and you’ll feel instantly super-confident.
(Beyoncé wouldn’t want you being sad over how you look anyway, seriously.)
17. You’re beautiful just the way you are.