12 Women on the Best Marriage Tips They’ve Picked Up During the Pandemic
Whether you’ve been married for five years or fifty, the pandemic is a relationship pressure cooker like nothing any of us have ever experienced. So, how do you navigate the emotions and stressors as a team? We asked 12 women to share their best marriage-saving tactics.
1. Trade Off the Pressure to Always Have Your Chin Up
“Think about your relationship as having a positivity yin and yang. When one person gets down—because let’s face it, there’s a lot to feel down about—it’s the other person’s job to find purpose and positivity. You can’t both be in the dumps at the same time!” — Jillian
2. Be Crystal Clear About Daily Schedules and Expectations
“For anyone with school-aged kids, the Zoom/distance learning thing is very tough when both parents are working. Making a system of who does what throughout the day is helpful to avoid the blame game. Like, every day I know that it’s my job to ensure my kid is logged in for class, but my husband knows that he preps lunch every day.” — Mirissa
3. Stop the Multi-Tasking
“When my husband is communicating to me about anything, I try to give him my undivided attention and stop multi-tasking. That means so much to him and it creates an energy between us as if we’re out on a wonderful date together.” — Bracha
4. Acknowledge Your Weaknesses Out Loud
“Be vocal about the difficulties you’re having. We make a point to do this and come up with solutions that could help improve the tough situations. For example, it became too hard to keep up with cooking and cleaning the house with the kids at home and trying to work, so we decided to splurge on a cleaning person and meal delivery services. That took a lot of stress off so we could concentrate on the important things.” — Marissa
5. Find a Way to Give Each Other ‘Alone’ Time
“My husband goes into work every day, which means I get to work from home all by myself, but when he gets home, he doesn’t have any time to decompress. So, I try to go for a walk right when he walks in the door. At the very least, we have a rule where we don’t talk for the first half hour when he gets home. It’s all about appreciating and granting the other person a bit of space.” — Suzanne
6. Schedule At Least 1 or 2 Nights a Week to Put Work Away
“With the current setup, it becomes far too easy to work all day and night, especially if you’re working from home with kids. My partner and I have to make a point to shut down our computers at 8 p.m. (after the kids go to sleep) so we can have some alone time to spend just the two of us.” — Jenna
7. Redo Your Budget and Get Excited Planning for Tomorrow
“We are very fortunate to still have our jobs, however it is still a tough financial time for everyone. We created a budget with short- and long-term financial goals and started tracking our spending more. It helps us get excited to save for the fun things that we had planned and gives us something to look forward to when this is all over. It also keeps silly splurges—with argument potential—in check.” — Sarah
8. Bust Out the Good China
“We make sure to have date nights every weekend. It can be as simple as ordering sushi and watching a movie with wine, but we make a production out of it. Plating everything nicely, using the good wine glasses we got as engagement gifts, playing loud fun music from the early 2000s and late 90s—it makes a difference. Let’s just say there are a lot of late-night dance parties after a few bottles of wine.” — Diana
9. Let All Those Tiny Annoyances Go
“Easier said than done, but when you’re trying to create marital harmony in a home that you literally can’t leave, you quickly realize that the things you thought were important to fight over (aka the fact that he always leaves his socks in the middle of the floor) don’t really matter at all.” — Kayln
10. Prioritize Listening and Kindness, No Matter What
“One thing that’s really helped during this time is to think of my partner as a friend. He is one, of course, but under pressure, snapping at each other prevails. So, when he is having a bad day or I’m irritated with something he did or didn’t do, I try really hard to take a beat (even just a deep breath) and stifle my urge to reprimand, correct or be critical. Instead, I try to visualize where he’s coming from, listen to him and approach the situation with the kindness I’d give to a peer. It helps and, truthfully, helps us resolve conflicts faster.” — Alyssa
11. Be More Forgiving About Phone Use
“I’ve learned to be more understanding about the way my husband de-stresses because it’s different from the methods that I use. He works at a hospital so has zero downtime during his day, but when he’s not working, you can find him reading articles or playing games on his phone. I used to get annoyed by it because it can seem as though he’s only paying attention to what’s on the phone, but I’ve realized it’s simply how he unwinds from the workday. He isn’t ‘ignoring’ me. It’s not my favorite habit, of course, but I’ve come to respect it because it’s something that helps to relax his mind, which is a positive thing for both of us.” — Rachel
12. Embrace Virtual Marriage Counseling
“For my husband and I, the pandemic meant a resurgence of some old communication problems in addition to some new stressors, so we set up video and phone sessions with a counselor we love and trust. She knows us and our habits and talks us through how to be kind to each other, offer generosity and speak our needs clearly. We take notes throughout the week on things we struggle with or want to discuss and then we book a 60 to 90-minute appointment where we put her on speakerphone. It really helps.” — Julie
RELATED: We Asked a Divorce Lawyer for Marriage Tips—and It Was Fascinating
